Wamboin Community Association


Wamboin has a somewhat different golf course where the 18 fairways are spread over five properties and the Bingley Way Community Centre. All putting surfaces on our golf course are sand greens.

On the first Sunday of each month we meet at the Community Hall in Bingley Way (at 12.15pm for a 12.30pm start) to sort out the competition. First time golfers and children are welcome to try their skills. We hit off on different holes to ensure a more even finish time.

Then it is back to the hall where tall stories and presentations are mixed with nibblies and drinks. Partners, friends and relatives of the golfers also join in this social activity.


Peter Greenwood  6238 3358

March Competition Results

Sunday, 3 March. Do we need rain or what? Up here in the foothills of the foothills of the Alps we could do with chamber pots full of it. So send it down, Huey! But not as much as poor old Townsville if you don’t mind. Funny name, Townsville. Must be an outpost of Quebec where all place names are in English and French. Never mind. Keep calm and play golf. This month, in a departure from tradition, we held the GST Anniversary Ambrose (when you have to add 10% to your handicap) because the sponsors, Keith France and Kathy Handel, will be travelling at the time of the EOFY. We thank them deeply for the prizes and edible refreshments. And so, dressed like Bedouins to ward off the sun’s nuclear scimitars we mounted our iron camels and struck out into shimmering heat of the limitless Wamboin desert.

Back at the oasis, as fluid loss was enthusiastically replaced (some replaced more than they lost), we analysed the perturbing news that the computer systems of the major political parties—Liberal, Labor, National and Deadly Serious—had all been hacked. According to ASIO it was done by a “sophisticated state actor”. We considered the options: first we excluded anyone who’d won an Oscar, BAFTA, ARIA or whatever; then we ruled out SloMo—a chronic over-actor—on the ground he’s federal; we eliminated those other political thespians, the state Premier and her deputy, for diminished sophistication (unless you take the cynical view that all politicians are practiced in the art of sophistry); we excused the Bungendore Players—all damn fine actors but short-suited from an IT point of view; and we knocked out the cast of Married at First Sight just for the hell of it. That left Russia or China so we tossed a coin and, sorry China, you’re in the frame. And that’s where you’ll stay until you rescind the ban on our new, clean, gentle-to-the-environment coal.

Winners & Grinners

The captain called for order, introduced our guest, Murray Goodridge, back for the second time. Ted Evans showed us why the one-liner is still amusing. The googly ball went to Steve Lambert for a humorous but tactless remark at his team mate’s expense. The dummy spit was taken out by Lofty Mason who, when accused by his wife of not trying, declared that he was trying his best. Juniors comp winners were sweet little Deb Gordon, Madz Gordon and Phoebe Beckett, all on 31. NTP and LD ball winners were Tim Barter x 2, Colin Urquhart x 2, Murray Goodridge, Glen Crafter, John Whitney and Steve Lambert. Winners of the nine hole comp were the team of Steve Lambert and Larry King 26.5 from Ken and Alex Gordon 26.7. Winners of the 18 hole comp were Tim Barter and Murray Goodridge 60 from Colin Urquhart and Glen Crafter 2nd on appeal 64 followed by Samuel Urquhart and Paul Griffin 3rd 68. Well done all players!

Next month is April and by now we all know what local meteorologist, T S Eliot, says about April so I won’t repeat it. Join us at the Hall at 12.15pm for the normal 12.30 pm start. Don’t forget to vote in the election to see which group of “sophisticated state actors” will run the Rum Corps for the next four years. Will it be that nasty John Macarthur or that nice Captain Bligh? Only time will tell.

Larry King, golfer

February Competition Results

Mahogany Ridge, Sunday, 3 February. A beautiful sunny day for cricket at Manuka Oval—which is where your correspondent was, instead of playing golf at Wamboin. You’ll be interested to know that during drinks in the morning session the crowd was abuzz with the thrilling news that Slomo had decided to lash out on re-enacting Capt J Cook’s historic circumcision of the continent of Terra Australis—i.e. the incisive removal of New South Wales from New Holland. Can’t wait for that—have put my name down as cabin boy on HMB Endeavour. Meanwhile, in Wamboin, preparations were in hand for the monthly competition, sponsored on this occasion by the Schroder and Whitney families whom we thank for the eats and prizes respectively. The sponsors declared the comp to be determined by stroke play after handicap.

Overdrive Watergate

Your correspondent is informed by a reliable source that back at the Hall a lively debate ensued on whether recent climatic events are harbingers of doom: did the drought followed by our local December inundation, the January heatwave in the South and the torrential rain fall and flooding in the North, the Tasmanian and Victorian fires and the Great Sutton Earthquake all mean that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse had been set upon the Earth as punishment for our neglect of the environment? Could we expect war, plague and pestilence (oh! The humanity!) to come next? Luckily, before those and other crackpot ideas could gain a grip on the fevered imagination and the galloping hysteria the captain called for order and introduced our guests, local pathologists Col and Maria Onoskapi. Ted Evans rolled out a story about ice cream.

Winners & Grinners

The googly ball was claimed by Raylene Beckett but my informants won’t tell me why. The dummy spit went to Samantha Urquhart because her husband lost his Christmas present 5 iron. It was then passed on to Joan Mason who, after invoking rule 5b of the 3rd Amendment, teed off early at 6.15am (to avoid the heat of the day) and complained that the greens hadn’t been prepared.

LD and NTP ball winners were Pete Harrison x 4, Paul Griffin, Ken Gordon, Tim Barter, Colin Urquhart and John Whitney.


Winner of the junior nine hole comp was Phoebe Beckett 68/32 from runner-up Alex Gordon 54/35. Lofty Mason took out the senior nine hole comp 41/27 from Joan Mason 43/32 and Samuel Urquhart 3rd OCB 49/34. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Paul Griffin 81/64 from Tim Barter 76/67 with Keith “I never win anything” France in 3rd place on 80/69. Well done, one and all!

Join us at the Hall on Sunday, 3 March for the Mad March Hare comp. You know the drill: be here at 12.15pm for the customary 12.30pm cast off. Which reminds me - local fishmonger, Murray Darling, has asked me to let you know that he has large stocks of the rare Menindee white fish going cheap. Get ‘em while they’re fresh.

Larry King, golfer

January Competition Results

Saddle Up

Sunday, 6 January. Not too hot, not too cold. Not too windy but not still. Not too cloudy, not too sunny. Neither one thing nor the other. Just like Schrödinger’s cat. Not that I was all that familiar with the poor old moggie. Or Schrödinger for that matter. I know Nev Schroder but I‘m not sure he has a cat. And if he does he wouldn’t keep it in a radioactive chamber like bloody Schrödinger. Where’s the RSPCA when you need them? Where was I? oh, yeah, the Welcome-the-New-Year comp normally sponsored by Wiyagiba Trading but Dave Hubbard’s back in hospital again so the club stepped up to provide the prizes and eats with the help of Joan Mason and Libby King whom we thank profusely. We also wish Dave a swift recovery from his latest medical adventure. In keeping with the Hubbard spirit the day was declared a ten hole three-club day determined by stroke play adjusted for handicap.

Weepers Drive'

Afterwards, back in the Wamboin “bubble”, we were all anxious to compare New Year’s resolutions. Here are your correspondent’s. 1) I will reduce my contribution to global warming. This is not easy. First I tried reducing my footprint by going down a shoe size and becoming a vegan but all I got was sore toes and excessive flatus. Turns out that vegans, like all ruminants, create inordinate volumes of methane. So I have now resolved to eat as many ruminants as possible to prevent them from passing greenhouse gas. 2) I will enter a car in the Summernats. So I polished up the old Nissan Cedric and took it along but was laughed out of EPIC by people with high BMIs and mullets. 3) I will not celebrate the 200th anniversary of the Armistice. I’m on safe ground here. 4). Rather than whinge from the sidelines I will actively participate in the political process. I have applied to join the Deadly Serious Party who, unlike the others, take politics very, umm, well, err, like, seriously. 5) I will ingest alcohol for medical reasons only. I’m encouraged in this endeavor by the advice of my old mate, local pharmacist, W C Field, who said he always carried a bottle of “the tincture” with him in case he was bitten by a snake which he also carried with him.

Hotel 19

The captain welcomed our guests, Brenda Beamont all the way from London and Nick and Ultima Thule from even farther out. Ted Evans described the qualifications needed to be a lemon picker. The googly ball went to the person whose foursome lost 20 minutes looking for his car keys which turned up where they should be – in the ignition. Colin Urquhart won the dummy spit for complaining about the three-club day after bringing his new full set of clubs (a Christmas present). LD and NTP ball winners were Scott Mason x 3, Glen Crafter and Colin Urquhart.

Winners & Grinners

Junior comp winner was Lila Mason from Phoebe Beckett 2nd and Tim Nelson 3rd. Place getters, in ascending order, in the senior ten hole comp were: in 6th place Glen Crafter 51/43, 5th Scott Mason 49/42, 4th Lofty Mason 57/41, 3rd Keith France 46/40, 2nd Paul Griffin 48/39 and the winner Colin Urquhart 50/36 with those new clubs.

Next month is February - a dry month for those suffering the seasonal liver complaint. Join us at the community hall on Sunday, 3 February. You can forget about cricket: the so-called Indian summer will be over. Be here at 12.15pm for the usual 12.30pm start. And wear a smile. It’s going to be a marvelous year!

Larry King, golfer


December Competition Results

God rest ye merrie gentlefolk, let nothing you dismay. Remember 2 December was a jolly golfing day. And so it was, with Christmas just around the corner and everyone full to the brim with joie de vivre and bonhomie and all that other Gallic stuff. The day’s sponsors were the Petermen – Harrison and Greenwood – and we thank them to the utmost for the prizes and eats especially the braised holly, the boiled ivy, the fricasseed mistletoe and the barbecued partridge in the deep fried pear tree. The day’s competition was declared to be handicap stroke play and so, with our sleigh bells a-jingle we set off into the countryside hoping that good old Saint Nick would grant our yuletide wishes.

Donkey of Finn

Back at Santa’s workshop at the North Pole (via Bingley Way) our captain, the Grinch, set about tallying the score while we all reviewed the events of 2018. We were aided in this exercise by your correspondent’s new neighbour, Rainbird Waterfall, who plied us with freshly-baked cookies. Don’t know what was in them but Yummo! Anyway we all agreed what an absolutely, spiflicatingly wonderful year it had been. Australian democracy was safely in the enlightened and stable custody of a parliament chosen from the brightest and most beneficent statesmen and women in the land. Highly trusted institutions were continuing their sympathetic and benevolent mission of looking after the most vulnerable in their care (mmm, these cookies are great!). The royal commission found the finance sector a model of responsibility, altruism and probity and its regulators the very criteria of efficiency (I must get the recipe). The US, our major ally, is under the control of an intelligent, honest and upright administrator (wheeee!). Science has reduced greenhouse gas and ozone levels and energy prices are no longer an issue of concern thanks to decisive and bipartisan national action (far out and solid, man!). And our rugby and cricket teams are the scourge and envy of the world (why is that cow on the ceiling?).

Winners & Grinners
Twin Gums

The Grinch didn’t welcome our guests—only because there weren’t any—but he did award the googly ball to Vicki Still who refused to turn down her loud shorts. The dummy spit went again to Alex Gordon for blaming the handicapper for his rotten score. (Very low behaviour. Like ball tampering in cricket.) LD and NTP ball winners were Vicki Still x 3, Tim Barter x 2, Keith France x 2, Joan Mason, Ken Gordon and Samuel Urquhart.

Juniors comp winner was Alex Gordon 56/38 despite the whining. Winner of the nine hole comp was Deb Gordon 52/34 OCB Ken Gordon 38/34 with Lofty Mason in 3rd place 48/35 OCB from Joan. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Keith France 73/61. Runner-up was Vicki Still 86/62 from 3rd place getter Paul Griffin 81/65. Well done all competitors.

It is now a new year (2019 for the less numerate). Here’s a new year’s tip: if visiting Poms want to discuss cricket or rugby, cunningly change the conversation to Brexit. That’ll divert ‘em for hours. You can then join us at the community hall on the first Sunday of the month for a game of skill and cunning. Make a resolution to be here at 12.15pm for the regular 12.30pm cannonade. Meanwhile, the members of the R&A Wamboin GC wish you and yours as good a new year as 2018 has been (must get more of those cookies…).

Larry King, golfer

November Competition Results

Sunday, 4 November. There’s the Australian Open, the US Open and the British Open but they are all barely discernible in the umbra of the Wamboin Open, hotly contested every November. It was a warm and pleasant day which suited the thousands thronging the short rough flanking the fairways to watch the cream of the region’s golfers vying for immortality. There were two competitions in each of the nine and 18 hole divisions: handicap and gross. The day was sponsored by the Wamboin GC itself and we thank the club for the prizes and refreshments. After having the rules and etiquette of the game explained to them by joint acting captain, Deb Gordon, contestants loaded their shootin’ irons and headed out onto the field of battle.

Finn's Spotties'

After we handed in our cards back at barracks joint acting captain, Ken Gordon, sorted truth from fiction as talk turned to the vexed question of inappropriate street and place names, the current hot issue. Take Malbon Street in the heart of this earthly paradise’s capital city, Bungendore. It’s made up of two French words, mal meaning bad and bon meaning good. Who could live comfortably on Goodbad Street? A Street that can’t seem to make up its mind on how it feels (like Crookwell). Why not rename it Verygood Street? Or we could keep the French theme and call it Rue Tres Bon which seems appropriate. Then there’s Ellendon Street. The local historical society is pretty sure it’s named after Ellen and Don someone-or-other but who they were is lost in antiquity, making it an unsatisfactory address for people who like things cut and dried. And the word Bungendore itself sounds like someone out of J K Rolling’s imagination. Your correspondent has previously reported on the derivation of Norton Road, a corruption of "nought on" meaning naked, which has upset those who like to go fully clothed. Let’s hope the Queens Park Rangers can solve these dilemmas to everyone’s satisfaction.

Winners & Grinners

Jt A/g capt called us to order by tendering an apology from Dr Brengun Nelson (brother of Half Nelson) who was still working out how to spend $½ billion on the new AWM Theme Park. Ted Evans brought us up to date with goings-on in the thriving metrolops of Queanbeyan.

Lofty Mason and your correspondent scored the Googly Ball for (a) slowing the game by stopping to watch two shingle backs making little shinglebacks (it’s not as exciting as you’d think) and (b) restoring the Rob Gorham Perpetual Dummy Spit to the trophy cabinet at Rob’s request. Dummy spit of the day went to Joan “not me again!” Mason. LD and NTP ball winners were Colin Urquhart x 3, John Whitney x 2, Tim Barter, Ken Gordon, Joan Mason and Pete Harrison.


Junior champion was Madison Gordon with a net 26. Junior encouragement award winners were Phoebe Beckett and Alex Gordon.

Winner of the nine hole eclectic was Joan Mason while the 18 hole eclectic was taken out by Tim Barter.

The club champion (nine holes net) was Ken Gordon 37/33 from Lofty Mason 47/35 and Deb Gordon 3rd 53/36. The club champion (18 holes net) was Colin Urquhart 88/52 from Paul Griffin 79/62 and John Whitney 3rd 79/64.

Now the crowd is hushed as the Jt A/g Capts announce the names of the Open Champions. And they are: Ladies Open Champion (nine holes), Joan Mason 42; Men’s Open Champion (18 holes), Tim Barter 73. Congratulations to our worthy winners and all who took part.

Next month is the Christmas Medal. Join us at the Hall at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm sleigh bell. And watch out for cane toads. They’re coming this way.

Larry King, golfer

October Competition Results

Sunday, 7 October. Another day another royal commission. Aged care, gender quotas in politics, bullying and sexual harassment, climate change—specifically the relationship between greenhouse gas, energy prices, the reliable energy target and an emissions trading scheme—and, of course, what to do with the ABC (how to retard its relentless and unreasoning insistence on independence, factual depth and even handedness). Your correspondent understands from sources close to SloMo and BulSho, that all inquiries will be completed in time to have sensible, bipartisan policies in place before the federal election around May next year. Can’t wait. And, in fact, I won’t.

Ron's Dam Hole

Where was I? Ah yes. 7 October. A superb day for motor sport (Bathurst, Japan and Thailand) and, naturally, the Wamboin Oktoberfest Monthly Medal. Sunny, crisp, a light breeze. The day was sponsored by L & L King whom we thank for the prizes and eats. The order of the day was for stroke play rather than the fiendish Stableford system and so with the stench of high octane and burning rubber in our nostrils we set off down Con Rod Straight, hearts aflutter.

Back in Pit Lane while we carefully picked the needles out of the strawberries we discussed the poor man’s royal commission into the “culture” of the ACT’s peerless health system. The general consensus was that that there was no culture to speak of. Very few within the system could tell you if it was Mozart or Beethoven who painted the Mona Lisa. (It was Beethoven. Mozart invented the Stradivarius, a kind of ukulele you play with a stick.) The captain introduced our guests Ben, Skye and Jennifer from across the road and Klymut and Astrid Denier from Paris. Ted Evans took time out from looking for a couple of carers for SloMo’s disabled aunty to tell the story of the senator and the cow.

Winners & Grinners

The googly ball went to Joan Mason who lost her pencil but signed the NTP marker at the Hall with a piece of charcoal from the remains of the bonfire. The dummy spit award was presented to Glen Crafter for uncivil language after breaking the head off his driver. Glen was then able to pass it on to Joan Mason who failed to submit a card but complained about missing out on a prize which “she would have won”. NTP and LD ball winners were Paul Griffin x 2, Vicki Still, Tim Barter, Pete Harrison and Colin Urquhart.


The winner of the nine hole comp was Lofty Mason 50/39. One of the sponsors came second but modesty prevents me from revealing his identity. In any event the strict rules at Wamboin GC exclude him from the prize-getters. Keith France took out the 18 hole comp 74/60 from Vicki Still 87/62 with Paul Griffin in 3rd place 81/64.

Next month will feature the 33rd annual Wamboin Open, the very apogee, zenith, apex and summit of golf. Join us at the community hall on Sunday, 4 November at 12.15pm for the always dependable 12.30pm start. We asked Gladys Berejiklian to present the prizes but have been informed that she will be busy painting a portrait of Winx on the sails of the Opera House.

Larry King, golfer

September Competition Results

Sunday, 2 September. A typical Wamboin Spring day: satyrs chasing nymphs through the woodland valleys; faeries dancing around mushrooms in the dells; unicorns gamboling in the bluebell woods; Frederick McCubbin painting sylphides frolicking in billabongs to the strains of music by Leo Delibes. In other words, the usual thing and just the day for the Spring Trophy, sponsored by Joan and Lofty Mason whom we thank for the sustaining fare—especially Joan’s famous Spring Rolls—and the floral prizes. The sponsors declared a three-club day determined by stroke play. And so, with Pan Pipes fluting gaily in the scented air, we mounted our iron centaurs and dashed into the fray.


Back at the Colorbond Castle we settled in for a good old gripe about The Great Steam-driven Fiasco which recently gummed up the workings of federal parliament. In case you missed it I’ll briefly summarise. The embittered and passion-fingered former PM, Tony Rabbit, “masterminded” an insurrection against that nice, mild-mannered Malcolm Turnbull, the Neville Chamberlain of Australian politics. It seems Mr Rabbit wanted to replace Mr Turnbull with a potato. (Don’t ask. I don’t know why and nor does anyone else.) It didn’t work. Spud didn’t get up but Turnbull resigned anyway (just like Chamberlain did in 1940—you can’t appease a bully) and was replaced by someone called J-Lo or Flo-Jo or Mojo. But it’s OK, everything’s back to normal now. Furthermore it’s not true that Mr Rabbit is entirely useless as the left-leaning media assert. At least he can serve as a bad example.

Winners & Grinners

The captain moved a vote of sympathy for Lofty who had succumbed to an upper respiratory tract infection. (We understand he is enjoying the Very Best of care.) He then welcomed our guests, Tim Nelson, Lee Beamont, Chris Shaw and Adam and Irene Inerby from just outside Cooma. Ted Evans gave us a geography lesson about the Pakistani border. The googly ball went to Vicki Still who played with a pink ball and an orange ball and was able to lose both in the dense Wamboin rain forest. The dummy spit was again awarded to Tim Barter who had to be restrained for persistent sledging. The encouragement award went to Lee Beamont playing her first game at Wamboin. NTP and LD ball winners were Dean Joy x 3, Pete Harrison x 2, Chris Shaw, Ken Gordon, Glen Crafter and Kyle Griffin.

Deb & Joan

Winner of the junior nine hole comp was Alex Gordon with 53 strokes for a net 35 after adjustment for handicap. Runner-up was Phoebe Beckett 82/42. Senior nine hole comp winner was Deb Gordon 53/36 from Ken Gordon 43/39. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Paul Griffin 81/63 from Tim Barter 73/64. Congratulations to all who part.

Join us for another bucolic golf day on Sunday, 7 October (clocks forward). We look forward to seeing you at the Community Hall in Bingley Way at 12.15pm for the customary 12.30 pm start. If you need someone to look after the kids give me a call and I’ll have a quiet word with my old mate Peter Tuber MP, Minister for Home Duties, who’ll have an au pair on a tourist visa around to your place quick smart.

Larry King, golfer

August Competition Results

Mahogany Ridge, Sunday 5 August. A clear blue sky and a slight breeze. Or so they tell me. Your correspondent had come down with what the President of Iran would call the Mother of all Lurgies. Thus he must rely on hearsay for what took place on the course. But naturally he struggled from his sick bed (like Plunkett in 1916) to attend the 19th. The day was sponsored by the Tradies, people who know one end of a hammer from the other. (One has a steel knob with ears and one hasn’t). Stroke play adjusted for handicap was the order of the day.

Memorial Drive

Back at the workshop Henk (mechanical) prepared his famous pea and ham soup while Don (plumbing & gasfitting) and Trent (electrical) heated the party pies. Apologies and moral support from Col (automotive) up in the snow. Meanwhile, we all relived National Poltroon’s European Holiday. You remember: it was the foreign affairs triumph of that great American wind instrument, Donald Trumpet – known to his friends as POTUS (poltroon of the US) - when he bravely wandered blindly through UK politics after courageously upsetting his NATO mates, and then cravenly waggled a spongy finger at his new bestie, Vlad the Slippery, for annexing Crimea, overrunning Ukraine, taking down MH 17, novichoking UK citizens, hacking foreign governments and businesses and interfering in foreign elections. “Not me” said Vlad and Ol’ Windbag bought it. The free world’s in the very best of hands.

The captain, fresh from his soporific trip on the Ghan from Darwin to Adelaide, welcomed our guests, a couple of chalkies, Alma and John Mater, as well as Col Listermann and Mel Iluka from the botanical gardens. Ted Evans took us for a trip down memory lane from his days as a citrus reticulata in the public service. The googly ball went to Lofty Mason for some aspect of his wife’s play which he was not game to describe. His continued refusal to explain earned him the dummy spit award. Poltroonery is clearly in the air.

Winners & Grinners

NTB and LD ball winners were Ken Gordon x 3, Vicki Still x 2, Colin Urquhart, Joan Mason and Paul Griffin. The junior comp winner was Alex Gordon from his sister Madz. The nine hole first placegetter was Samantha Urquhart 65/30 from Lofty Mason 45/33 and Deb Gordon 51/34. The 18 hole comp was taken out by Pete Harrison who played out of his skin to record a Ned Kelly-ish 86/56 and was last seen hurriedly leaving town covered in tar and feathers. With the Wamboin Open coming up soon, Pete obviously doesn’t understand the concept of handicap maintenance! Runner-up was Ken Gordon whose 68 strokes for a handicap-adjusted 58 equalled the course record held by Tim Barter. In 3rd place was Paul Griffin 82/63. Well done all!

For those still in hibernation, the next month is September. Officially it will be Spring, which is when the R & A Wamboin GC mounts its famous Spring Trophy. So show some courage. Thumb your nose at Putin and join us at the community hall at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm start.

Larry King, golfer

July Competition Results

The GST Anniversary Handicap

Sunday, 1 July. A beautiful Winter’s day. Crisp and cold with a gentle breeze under a clear blue sky. An obvious day for golf, you would have said. But wait. What is this horror about to descend upon us like a succubus (or incubus – I can never tell the difference)? Is it a horde of Philippino basketballers? Or a sumasshedshaya banda of Russian soccer fans? No, it’s the demonic handicapping system for the GST Anniversary Handicap.

Donkey of Finn

It works like this: each team of two adds ten per cent to their combined handicaps and divides by four – or something. I know what you’re thinking: what evil mind dreamt that up? Well, meet my old mate Keith France, accountant and co-sponsor of the day’s play. Fortunately the countervailing factor is the other co-sponsor, Kathy Handel. We thank them both, but mainly Kathy, for the food and wearable prizes.

Back at base, while the captain struggled with the score cards, there were many issues to probe as we all adjusted for fluid loss. For example, the meeting of the Great Equivocator with Kung Fu Panda; the soccer world cup being hotly contested by B grade actors (e.g., that Brazilian guy with the sore ankle) in the Soviet Union/USSR/CCCP/Russia/all of the above; Scomo’s great GST fix (if anyone can explain it, let me know. My reading is it goes to 15.27% and Tasmania misses out); the despicable practice of slut-shaming reflecting the decline of parliamentary standards; the looming penumbra of democracy (just never got off the ground in some places); the Cartier exhibition at the NGA. Your correspondent attended the latter and was impressed by the standard of personal adornment one can achieve if one has considerably more money than one requires. And yet I couldn’t suppress the unworthy thought that the baubles were akin to the lamb chop hung around the neck of an unprepossessing child so that the dog would play with him.

Winners & Grinners

The captain introduced our guests, Glen and Siobhan Fiddick, all the way from Scotland. Ted Evans made the pilgrimage with news from Queanbeyan. In a rare quinella the googly ball and the dummy spit award went to the same person, Alex Gordon (dobbed in by his mother). NTP and LD ball winners were Keith France x 2, Vicki Still, Ken Gordon and Pete Harrison.


The nine hole comp was won by the team of Vicki Still and Larry King on 29.9 strokes after handicap, from Deb and Alex Gordon 32.7 and Joan and Lofty Mason in 3rd place with 35.6. The 19 hole comp was taken out by the team of Ken Gordon and Pete Harrison 60.0 from runners-up Keith France and John Whitney 63.025.

The August comp will be sponsored by the Tradies, people who have found uses for their opposed thumbs other than for texting and Grand Theft Auto. Join us at the Hall at 12.15pm on Sunday, 5 August for the usual 12.30pm start. Feel free to wear your tiara.

Larry King, golfer

June Competition Results

Windsor Castle, Sunday 3 June. The Editor sent your correspondent to Royalla to report on the Lundy wedding but due to a communication breakdown he went to London to report on the royal wedding. Hence this belated coverage of the June EOFY Pennant, sponsored by the Urquhart and Beckett families whom we thank for the calories and loot. Apparently it was a fine Winter’s day in Wamboin which produced a vast field of finely-tuned athletes who took to the hills and dales of this earthly paradise brandishing equipment made famous by Mary Queen of Scots.

Shep's High Drive

Back at the Tower your correspondent was able to provide hitherto unreported details of the marriage of ageing private detective, Miss Marple, to Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. The nuptials took place in a draughty chapel attached to HM the Q’s humble little weekender outside London. In true gate-crashing tradition I elbowed aside the grace-and-favour mob and all those uppity A Listers to snag a seat upfront next to an old chap with dark circles under his eyes, sipping from a hip flask. He looked about a hundred but was prepared to share his tipple so an enjoyable half hour was spent giggling at the silly hats.

The crowd was anxious to see Miss Marple’s dress which had occasioned much speculation in the media. My new buddy and I were hoping for Priscilla, Queen of the Desert meets early Kardashian but she rolled up in something quite simple by da Vinci. Some commented on her train. Surely the groom’s family was rich enough to spring for a car. Some of these aristocrats are closer than a dead heat. The Prince and his best man (his brother, W D & H O Wills) wore navy blue uniforms (obviously Carlton fans). Hamlet was torn between his brother and his close friend, Tobias Smollett, for best man (“Toby or not Toby, that is the question”). Wills was cranky. He had already been booked to hand over the FA Cup at Wembley that afternoon. He thought that a royal wedding on the pitch at halftime would enable him to see the game and give the spectators some unforgettable halftime entertainment. Certainly better than Meatloaf.

Winners & Grinners

The captain cut short the eloquent flow by welcoming our guests, Rhoda and Jack Dendrin, fresh from the Chelsea flower show. The googly ball went to Tim Barter for a bad shot that turned out better than it deserved. The dummy spit award was shared by Tim and Alex Gordon. Madison Gordon again won the encouragement award. NTP and LD ball winners were Glen Crafter x 2, Tim Barter x 2, Alex Gordon, Deb Gordon, Colin Urquhart, and Vicki Still (playing in one gumboot).

Junior comp winner was Phoebe Beckett. Winner of the nine hole comp was Sam Urquhart 50/25 from runner-up Glen Crafter 37/28. The 18 hole comp was taken out by the old firm (“old firm what?” I hear you cry) of Vicki Still 89/63 from Tim Barter 72/64.

On Sunday, 1 July the Wamboin GC will host the annual GST Anniversary T Shirt when we all add ten per cent to our handicaps. Join us at the community hall at 12.15pm for the customary 12.30 pm shotgun start.

Larry King, golfer

May Competition Results

The Sailors' and Airmen's Trophy

Sunday, 6 May. My old mate Bill Shakespeare, the well-known local thespian and theatrical impresario, said to me as follows: “Larry, old pal, as it fell upon a day in the merry month of May, sitting in a pleasant shade which a grove of myrtles made, beasts did leap and birds did sing, trees did grow and plants did spring…” I said “hold it right there, Shakers old sport. You’re thinking of the Northern hemisphere.” To which he replied “so why are you playing golf in a T-shirt?” He had me there. If not for Autumn’s golden gown it could have been a beautiful Spring day for the annual R&A Wamboin May Day Spectacular, sponsored by the Ancient Mariner (T Barter) and the Intrepid Birdman (P Griffin) whom we thank for the prizes and sustenance (although much of the work was done by the Intrepid Bird woman, Diana). The sponsors decreed stroke play so with a song on our lips we set off into the wide blue yonder.

Saddle Up

Back at the old tin shed, while the captain endeavored to sort the lies from the equivocations on the score cards, we discussed Budget. There was general agreement that a federal Budget of any hue is a taxonomy (get it?) of the things that will never happen. Just a few examples: the Budget will attain surplus at a specified date (translation - when hell freezes); all battlers will get a tax cut (translation – all those who fought in the Boer War will get a tax cut); more money will be spent on R&D (translation – we’re going to search and destroy all those pesky dual citizens); no banker will be living in poverty by 2019 (OK, so that one got through). Talking about bankers, we were all mightily amused at the treatment handed out to those minders of our money including AMP (not to be confused with the first one in the morning). Pugnacious royal commissioner, Jarryd Hayne, fresh from his gridiron experience, is really “sacking” the quarterbacks and wide receivers of the finance world. Keep it up Jarryd. Don’t take a backward step.

Winners & Grinners

The captain introduced our visitors Bruce and Kerry Ilosis and the Lomond brothers Ben and Lach. The googly ball went to Ted Evans who read a letter from a female member of the ADF. The dummy spit award was won by the captain for his rant about players and markers signing score cards. LD and NTP ball winners were Alex Gordon, Tim Barter x 3, Dean Joy, Vicki Still, Pete Harrison, Kyle Griffin x 2 and Ken Gordon.


The encouragement award went to Alex Gordon for a creditable 47/23. Winner of the nine hole comp was Deb Gordon 50/30, playing in a fivesome which included three juniors (the woman’s a saint!) from Ken Gordon 36/31 in a separate foursome. I’ll bet he copped it when he got home. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Kyle Griffin 100/61 from runner-up Vicki Still 91/66.

Next month, June, join us at the Hall at 12.15pm on Sunday, 3 June for the EOFY Handicap (your handicap minus the square root of your tax cut in 2018-19 to the 6th decimal point) kicking off at 12.30pm.

Larry King, golfer

April Competition Results

The Wamboin Mini Masters

Sunday, 1 April. No joke. A beautiful day which apparently saw the concurrence of Easter Sunday, April Fools day and the end of daylight saving – a coincidence as rare as Halley’s Comet. And, of course, the Wamboin Mini Masters, famed in song and story. It’s played in two rounds, each of six holes - the first to see who makes the cut. Competition is determined on stroke play with handicap and open divisions. The open winner gets a real green (well it used to be green) jacket, just like the ones they give out at Augusta National, except you’ve got to hand it back afterwards. There’s also the NTP novelty shots but we’ll save them for later. The Mini Masters is sponsored by the Wamboin Community Association, represented on the day by Palerang Mayor-in-perpetuity, Pete Harrison. We thank the WCA for the post-game food and prizes.

Saddle Up

Back at the clubhouse, while the acting captain coaxed the computer into revealing the names of the place getters, we all bemoaned the end of the world as we knew it as a result of the appalling treatment of our upright Australian cricketers, just for making certain necessary adjustments to the surface of the ball to ensure a better and faster game. But it’s an ill wind etc, etc. For every unctuous hand-wringer there are probably a dozen pubescent youths sniggering about the evocative term “ball tampering”.


The acting captain then welcomed our guest-of-honour, Mr Potus Trumpet, and invited him to present he prizes. That honour was to have gone to the QPR Mayor who was recently outed as a former member of the Liberal Party and thus ineligible: Wamboin GC rules exclude anyone with strong political convictions from officiating. So it was either Mr Trumpet or that vigilant guardian of your privacy, Mr Dark Suckerberg, boss of social media engine, MugShot. The googly ball was awarded to Joan Mason for the remarkable feat of driving over Shep’s Dam but still landing in the water. She accomplished this by hitting a stump on the other side. That’s golf at Wamboin, folks. The dummy was passed around from Tim Barter (general whingeing) to Joan Mason (specific whingeing – Shep’s dam refers).


The winner of the handicap division was Vicki Still 70/53 from Runner-up Larry King 70/57. The winner of the Wamboin Mini Masters for 2018 was Tim Barter with 53 strokes from Paul Griffin on 58. It was another good day for Tim who won the NTP Novelty with an aggregate 38.2 metres from Paul 44.5. There are four obstacles: standing on a ramp; then on a tyre; one-handed; in a bunker. You can believe your correspondent when he says that the ramp and the tyre leave you feeling as precarious as a Russian spy delivering a handful of nerve agent. Next month is the merry month of May. The Commonwealth Games will be over and we can concentrate on the only sport at which you can’t cheat – apart from moving your ball or your opponent’s, treading on your opponent’s ball, dropping your bag during your opponent’s back swing, over-shadowing the cup when your opponent is putting and a thousand other things we just don’t do because it just isn’t cricket! So join us at the hall at 12.15pm on Sunday, 6 May for the well-known 12.30pm start.

Larry King, golfer