Wamboin Community Association


Wamboin has a somewhat different golf course where the 18 fairways are spread over five properties and the Bingley Way Community Centre. All putting surfaces on our golf course are sand greens.

On the first Sunday of each month we meet at the Community Hall in Bingley Way (at 12.15pm for a 12.30pm start) to sort out the competition. First time golfers and children are welcome to try their skills. We hit off on different holes to ensure a more even finish time.

Then it is back to the hall where tall stories and presentations are mixed with nibblies and drinks. Partners, friends and relatives of the golfers also join in this social activity.


Peter Greenwood  6238 3358

October Competition Results

Sunday, 1 October. A pleasantly warm Spring day with a gentle breeze fanning the sports fans of the P part of the QP Region who had gathered at the community hall for the Oktober Komp sponsored by L & L King whom we thank for the prizes and eats.

Ron's Dam Hole

We were all over the moon, beside ourselves and cock-a-hoop (which isn’t as painful as it sounds) at the previous day’s result in the AFL grand final. Would you believe it? After 37 years our very own Bungendore Tigers had prevailed over the Adelaide Mudchooks. No, not the Mudchooks. It was some other form of inedible poultry from South Australia. Your correspondent is not normally a follower of the “four sticks” game—described by an American viewer as “one long fumble”. It was instructive, however, to observe 100,000 people in one place; it instructed him to stick with the sensibly-sized crowds at the Mick Sherd. Before play commenced L King (not to be confused with L King) moved the suspension of so much of standing orders as would prevent a sponsor from winning a prize. This motion failed for lack of a seconder. The mover then petulantly decreed that competition would be based on the mysterious and impenetrable Stableford scoring system.

Twin Gums

Back in the dressing shed as we sucked on oranges and peptides and applied the Dencorub and Voltaren, the irrepressible grand finals fever continued. Many were eagerly anticipating the NRL grand final that evening when the FNQ Bovinepersons (the F stands for Far, by the way) would take on the Melbourne Tempest. But all of us were nervously awaiting the outcome of the biggie, the Superbowl of the silly haircuts: Donald Trumpet’s Basket of Deplorables versus Kim Wrong-un’s Hermit Crabs (unless there was a late scratching) to be played out on the Korean Peninsula—and elsewhere if things get messy, in which case any seat will be a good one.

Winners & Grinners

The Captain welcomed our visitors from the coast, Len and Linda Ivey, former residents of this parish. Ted Evans regaled us with anecdotes from that regional power base, Queanbeyan, to be ruled for the next three years by that nice Mr Working Trousers. The googly ball went to the mover of the motion above. He was lucky to avoid the dummy spit which, for the first time, went to the normally even-tempered Paul Griffin who queried why he had to accept a two stroke penalty when after teeing off the ball hit a rock, came back and struck his club. LD and NTP ball winners were Tim Barter 2, Keith France 2, Paul Griffin 2, Pete Harrison 3 and Joan Mason. The winner of the nine hole comp was Joan Mason with 13 Stableford points from Lofty Mason 12 and Samuel Urquhart 3rd on 11. The 18 hole comp was taken out by Vicki Still 42 (goodbye current handicap) from Keith France 40 and Pete Harrison in 3rd place on 39 points.

The month of November will mark the region’s golfing grand final, otherwise known as the 32nd Wamboin Open. Join us at the community hall at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm start on Sunday, 5 November to see if you can get your name on the honour board as open or handicap champion in the nine or 18 hole events. US rapper, Macklemore, will provide the après golf entertainment when he premiers his new hit single, Old White Dudes.

Larry King, golfer

September Competition Results

Sunday, 3 September 2017. A warm early Spring day spoilt by winds gusting to 60 clicks. But never yet did a howling gale deter the hardy golfers of the region who gathered in their thousands, or somewhere near it, to contest the universally famous Wamboin Spring Trophy which, for over 30 years, has been sponsored by the Mason family. The sponsors decreed a three-club day, (one of which had to be a putter) decided by stroke play. And so, with a song on our lips and hope in our hearts we donned our cleated boots and set off into the untamed Wamboin savanna.

Back at base camp the acting captain welcomed our guests, David Shellard and the entire Urquhart clan lead by Colin and Sam (sorry, I didn’t get everyone’s name, I was concentrating on spelling Urquhart). Of course everybody wanted to talk about the forthcoming QPRC elections. Many had attended meet-the-candidates night to witness the tradition of putative politicians kissing hands and shaking babies and saying things like “can you hear me up the back?” (The correct answer is “yes, but I’m prepared to swap with someone who can’t”.) Amongst the many interesting presentations your correspondent, who admittedly had skin in the game, could sometimes detect a fine sprinkling of that great old fertiliser BOVINE SH-one-T. But it’s a tough gig with little love in the room. When I said to the person sitting next to me I thought one speaker had made a good point the terse response was “even an idiot can have a good idea”. The sensation of the night came when the chairperson announced that a candidate I won’t name was not an escaped convict; he had, in fact, served his full sentence. (That’s not true. I just threw it in to see if you were awake. Politics can be a bit tedious.) Thankfully conversation turned to the proliferation of the eastern grey kangaroo. There was much empathy with the measured and moderately-expressed views of our own Wamboin Muse.

Winners & Grinners
Joan & Keith

The googly ball went to David Shellard for staying on at the 19th in his Yellows after a call-out which was actually a pager broadcast about the next day’s expected fire weather. The dummy was passed around from Glen Crafter to Tim Barter via Keith France for various embarrassing displays of temperament on the course. The encouragement award went to the youngest Urquhart (Katie, I think). NTP and LD ball winners were Keith France 3, Pete Harrison 3, Sam Urquhart, Colin Urquhart, Ken Gordon and Tim Barter. The winner of the junior comp was Alex Gordon (Maddie was runner-up). Winner of the nine hole comp was Larry King with a nett 31 OCB from Glen Crafter. The 18 hole comp was taken out by Keith France 56 from Tim Barter 59.

Join us on Sunday, 1 October for the rollicking Oktoberfest Kompetition. We have ways of making you have fun. Be at the community hall at 12.15pm for the usual 12.30pm shotgun start.

Larry King, golfer

August Competition Results

Sunday 6 August. A cold blustery day. The brass monkeys were keeping local boilermaker, James Watt, busy unfreezing the old round objects. A rather ill-judged email, sent round the day before by the captain, may have had the effect of reducing numbers in the field by inviting the poltroonish to at least attend the 19th if they were intimidated by the weather. Your correspondent was one of the poltroons, the result of a surfeit of Schweineknochel and red wine the previous evening. The day was sponsored by the Tradies—Don, Henk, Trent and Col—chaps that can hammer in nails which don’t include the one on the thumb. We thank them for the useful prizes (adzes, planes, axes, screwdrivers, etc.) and the filling repast, especially Henk’s notorious pea and ham soup (ancient family recipe; killed every one on the Batavia).

Back at the Forge, a raging fire completed the work of Mr Watt’s oxy-welding equipment while the captain welcomed our guests, Al and Irene Packer, fine wool producers of Weeroona Drive. It was noted by many that the 46 mls of rain we received during the week only partially relieved the drought caused by the scandalous theft of water from the Murray-Darling basin up north. Reassured by the knowledge that Seve Bolero, local member and State leader of the Country Party, has the matter well in hand, we went on to marvel at the wizard japes going on at the Commonwealth Bank. Not only will the bank look after your money, they’ll now wash and iron it for you! Add that to the loot the bank trousered from its financial advisers and insurance policies and the cash rates-fixing adventure, it’s no wonder the share price is tanking. Someone, possibly that nice Mr Narev, may miss out on their bonus. Meanwhile, local green thumbed nurseryman, poor old Scotty Ludlum, lost his job just for being born in New Zealand. It just doesn’t seem fair.

Winners & Grinners
Tim & Don

The googly ball went to the mover of the motion that if you don’t play you don’t eat. He was ruled out of order. The dummy spit was awarded to Vicki Still who spoilt an otherwise creditable 18 holes by various tanties on the course. She also got the encouragement award (to encourage her to stop moaning and get on with it). The winner of the junior comp was Madison Gordon. The winner of the nine hole comp was Lofty Mason with 40 off the stick for a handicap-adjusted 27. Second was Joan Mason 42/30 OCB from Ken Gordon 3rd on 38/30. The 18 hole comp was won by Tim Barter 80/65. Runner-up was Paul Griffin 86/67 followed by Vicki Still in third place with 109/71. Well done, all!

Next month is September. (My, isn’t the year flashing past—just like Usain Bolt used to.) So join us at the Wamboin community hall on Sunday 3 September at 12.15pm for the usual 12.30 take-off when we will compete for the Spring Trophy. Should be a lot of fun; the sponsors, the family Mason, have decreed a three-club day and there will, of course, be Mme Mason’s famous spring rolls. WARNING: there will be citizenship check at the door. Those born in NZ, UK or Canada get in free.

Larry King, golfer

July Competition Results

Report pending...

Sunday, 2 July. Cold as a well digger’s knee. But bright sunshine and little or no wind. Perfect day for chasing the white, dimpled ball. The day was sponsored by the Antediluvian Order of Sailors and Airpersons. We extend our thanks to Tim Barter and Paul (and mainly Diana) Griffin for the prizes and refreshments at the 19th. The sponsors specified a Stableford competition but set off early without informing anyone else so the rest of us played Stroke.


Back at the Hall the Captain eventually sorted it out, muttering dark imprecations into his beard. As he did so we all stood around playing the new Census Game: spot the non-believing 30 per cent. It’s harder than you think. Those pesky infidels look just like ordinary people. Anyway, when we tired of that we got back to deploring the state of national politics. For example, the Federal Watermelons (green on the outside, red on the inside) are having a real donnybrook with their NSW branch lead by that unruly Senator Rhiannon (must be a big fan of Fleetwood Mac). Meanwhile, Tony Rabbit, the former PM, known to his friends as the Bitter Lemon or Passion Fingers, is roaming the country firing off big ideas and generally demonstrating the benefits of an Oxford education. And Bill is sitting on his hands while Mal nicks some of his ideas. Bill still thinks he won the last bout on points just like Jeff Horn (who actually did). At the international level we could hardly wait for the meeting between Don the Equivocator and Vlad the Impaler. Your correspondent would have liked to have been amongst the press corps for that much-touted shirt fronting but the editor wouldn’t spring for the cost. Which is odd because he said I can go to Pyongyang any time I like. Ah well, another report from Mahogany Ridge coming up.

The captain welcomed our guests, Len Ivey from the Coast and Joanne and Sebastian Bach from Leipzig. Ted Evans reported on a classy wedding in Queanbeyan. Even the shotgun was painted white.

Winners & Grinners

The googly ball went to Lofty Mason for his feat of hitting four trees from the tee. You don’t get golf like that in the city. The dummy spit was awarded to Bernard Tomic for failing to put up with the crushing boredom of Wimbledon. Deb Gordon took out the encouragement award by walking the nine hole course with one of those walking sticks you can sit on.

Tim, Alex & Paul

LD and NTP ball winners were Alex Gordon 3 (Alex also won the NAGA. Hmm…), Ken Gordon 2, Charles Guscott, Larry King, Len Ivey and Paul Griffin. Winner of the junior nine hole comp was Madison Gordon (they’re all over the place aren’t they?) with 75 off the stick for a handicap-adjusted 40. The senior nine hole comp winner was Larry King 44/20, from Lofty Mason 50/37, with daylight 3rd. Charles Guscott took out first place in the 18 hole comp with 37 Stableford points from Pete Harrison 34 points, there followed by Len Ivey 32 points.

Next month’s comp will be sponsored by the Tradies, those clever clogs adept with hammers and screwdrivers and such. Join us at the community hall at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm ICBM fired by our old mate, Kim Wrong-un.

Larry King, golfer

June Competition Results

Report pending...

Sunday, 4 June. Winter. But that didn’t prevent a number of the region’s hardy denizens with reasonable hand-eye coordination from gathering at the community hall for the Wamboin Winter Whack sponsored by Matt O’Brien and Kevin Rowe. We thank both those ornaments of the local bush fire brigade for the prizes and eats at the 19th. And talking about prizes, you’ll never guess who agreed to present them this month. No, not Margaret Court. Someone less controversial—Schapelle Corby! At least we think it was Schapelle. We’re pretty sure we invited her, but the woman who turned up was covered from head to toe in a hessian bag. It could have been a case of mistaken identity, like when a humble KGB cipher clerk, Donalovitch Trumpski changed his name by deed poll (according to the FBI) and went on to become the Great Equivocator.


Back at Kerobokan-on-Bingley, your correspondent tried to get a few quotable quotes for the Whisper from our guest of honour– seeing how we’d scooped the mass media – but all she muttered was “in a minute” or “sixty minutes” or something and then she was off like a baggie of Acapulco Gold in the sun. The acting captain welcomed our guests, Logan Robinson, Emile and Gorgon Zola, as well as Ivan and Anna Felactic. Ted Evans played a game with everyone’s nick names.

Winners & Grinners

The googly ball went to Matt O’Brien for his breach of golfing etiquette by mendaciously falling over while another player was addressing the ball. In yet another travesty of justice your correspondent got the dummy spit award for complaining that he was struck by Deb Gordon’s ball. He was accused – get this – of misogyny and chauvinism. Bring back the glass ceiling, I say!

Paul & Kev

The encouragement award went to Alex Gordon for playing his first 18 hole comp. LD and NTP ball winners were Ken Gordon 3, Pete Harrison 2, Larry King, Joan Mason, Logan Beckett and Paul Griffin. The junior comp was won by Logan Beckett with 48 off the stick and 30 after adjustment for handicap. The nine hole comp was taken out by Lofty Mason 40/25 from Ian Picker 45/31, with the homicidal Deb Gordon 50/31 in third place. The winner of the 18 hole comp was Paul Griffin 80/60 from runner-up Pete Harrison 99/62, followed by Ken Gordon 74/64.

The sponsors of next month’s comp will be the Old Sailors and Airmen. So join us at the community hall on Sunday 2 July at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm blast off. The five new holes are still a bit raw but we understand that the cost of the landscaping will be covered by the flood of Chinese cash that’s washing around Australia at the moment – when we can prise some away from Malcolm and Bill.

Larry King, golfer

May Competition Results

Keith & Kathy

Sunday, 7 May 2017. A red letter day for the R & A Wamboin GC. We commissioned five new holes—eat your liver, Queanbeyan GC! The holes are on the property of Keith France and Kathy Handel who sponsored the day. Not their usual EOFY-add-10%-to-your-handicap nonsense but a genuine Stableford competition to welcome the new part of the course. We thank them not only for the prizes and refreshments but also their generosity in helping the club plan for the future by making their property available.


Back at the Hall after the usual four hours of elation, despondency and profanity, conversation turned to the vexing, and slightly worrying question of whether the darn old Trumpet would rain nukes on Kim Wrong-un, Grand Imperial Haircut of North Korea, and what it would mean for the rest of us. No one knew. And we soon lost interest when it was pointed out that Ponce de Leon was not only the first governor of Spanish Puerto Rico but also discovered Florida. No, your correspondent didn’t know that either. But it struck him forcibly, if sadly, that you rarely ever meet anyone called Ponce these days. When was the last time this august journal of record reported that ”raw-boned loose forward, Ponce O’Shaunessy, scored two tries in the Mudchooks’ victory over the Bushpigs”? Or “William Ponce McGillicuddy was arrested in Norton Road for being six times over the limit”? Or “young Ponce Smithsonian won the maths prize at Bungendore Primary”. It doesn’t happen does it? Whatever became of such grand old names? (Don’t write in. I’ve got a feeling we all know the answer.)

Winners & Grinners

After the captain welcomed our guests, Ponce and Viola di Gamba (just kidding), he complimented local cartographer, Neville “Mercator” Schroder for the beautiful maps of the new course which saved us from wandering, Moses-like, in the French wilderness. Ted Evans and his straight man then paid a moving tribute to two men, one sadly dead and one very much alive: the late John Clarke and the early Pete Harrison. The Googly Ball was thrown around a bit before it was awarded to the person who played three shots with Ken Gordon’s ball before returning it to him. The Dummy went to John Whitney for drawing attention to some of the blemishes on the new holes. His defence of “constructive suggestion” was deemed invalid under new rule 8: each complaint about the state of the course is penalised one beer to the greenkeeper. We all joined with Tim Barter in deploring the lapse in standards by the Wamboin Whisper in publishing obscene photos of horses. Where it would end, we asked.

Keith & Kathy

NTP and LD ball winners were Pete Harrison 3, Ken Gordon 2, John Whitney, Lofty Mason, Keith France, Vicki Still and Tim Barter. The junior winner was Phoebe Beckett. The 9 hole comp was taken out by Lofty Mason with 17 Stableford points from Larry King on 14 and Joan Mason on 12. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Pete Harrison 40 on a count back from John Whitney. Our moral crusader, Tim Barter, was 3rd on 38. Join us at the Wamboin Community Hall next month on Sunday, 4 June at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm pyrotechnic when we once again bring first class golf to the region. Meanwhile try this on your friends: What’s the difference between POTUS and the US fauna emblem? Answer: They’re both bald but one hides it better than the other.

Larry King, golfer

April Competition Results

Sunday 2 April 2017. The Masters. Not that cheap, tawdry thing they have in Augusta GA, but the real thing – the Wamboin Mini Masters, famed in song and story. In case you’re unfamiliar with this great sporting event, here’s how it works.


Of the 18 picturesque holes of this PGA status course, only six are in play: Firebreak Five, Pine Slice, Short-and-Sweet, Saddle Up, Ron’s Dam (or damn) Hole and Shep’s High Drive. All players—men, women, children, domestic animals and passing aliens—play those holes then return to the Hall where the tournament officials determine who has made the cut. Then we play the same holes again to sort out who wears the Grimy Jacket.


Got it? But wait, there’s more! At the Hall the novelty shots are played, viz: closest to the pin standing on a tyre, a ramp, in a sand box and with one arm. (No, not simultaneously, you idiot!) Everyone must do this. No churlish backsliding is accepted. The hilarity engendered defies description.


The day, a beautiful mild Autumn one, was sponsored by the Wamboin Community Association. We thank that august body for the prizes and refreshments. And we acknowledge the catering skills of acting president, Peter Evans. The acting captain welcomed our guests, Scott and Lila Mason, on the chicken run from the big circular wind ‘oop North. The Googly Ball went to Cyclone Debbie (Deb Gordon) after it was taken off Charles Guscott for spitting the dummy having played the shot of lifetime on a hole not in play! Ted Evans resolved that age-old issue of how long is a piece of string: if you cut off both ends it’s endless. While club officials sorted out the scores, we all marvelled at the startling, new QPR logo, based on the Rorschach Test. (Not to be confused with the Raw Prawn Test.) Your correspondent blushes to admit to what he sees when he looks at it. Anyway, congratulations to our hard-working Administrator, Mr Timothy Working Trousers, for thinking it up.

Winners & Grinners

But now the results. Encouragement awards went to Lila Mason and Phoebe Beckett. The Pitching Comp winners were: NTP ramp, Scott Mason 1.7 metres; NTP tyre, Scott Mason 6.4m; NTP one hand, Scott Mason 6.6m (he’s very good with one hand); NTP bunker, Tim Barter 5.3m and best overall (not Tim) pitcher with an aggregate 24.7m - yes, you guessed it. The handicap comp winner was Pete Harrison with 71 strokes for a net 45 from runner-up, the ubiquitous Scott Mason 55/46. The junior master was Mads Gordon with 48 strokes over six holes. The Masters runner-up was Tim Barter on 51. And as the hautboys and sackbuts sound an alarum it can be revealed that the 2017 Wamboin Master, resplendent in a jacket of indefinite hue, is Ken Gordon on 50 strokes.

Next month the day will be sponsored by the Ancient Mariners and Sky Pilots Association so please join us at the Wamboin Community Hall on Sunday 7 May at 12.15pm for the usual 12.30pm start. Meanwhile, to set the record straight, your correspondent did not say that the White House was occupied by an underclass of social degenerates led by a lying guttersnipe. I just thought it. Alright, sometimes I think out loud. But, either way, they can’t do you for thinking. Yet.

Larry King, golfer.

March Competition Results


Mahogany Ridge, Marlin Hotel, Ulladulla, Sunday, 5 March. “I had written her a letter which I had, for want of better knowledge, sent to where I’d met her down Maroubra years ago. She was surfing when I knew her so I sent the letter to her just on spec addressed as follows – Nancy of the Undertow.” Those immortal words of Mandolin Paterson (cousin of Banjo) steal into the vacant spaces of your correspondent’s alleged mind as he sits here nursing one of Dr Resch’s fine neck oils and contemplating the pellucid waters of this attractive coastal town’s fine harbour. Meanwhile two great sporting events were taking place on either side of the continent. In the Golden West, Rocky Burnett’s coalition parties were playing extreme politics. In the East the fit and toned athletes of the QPR were engaged in the extreme golf of the Wamboin Mad March competition. Rocky went down in a screaming heap. Even an appeal to the DRS didn’t help. It confirmed that (a) he’d been at the crease too long and (b) he shouldn’t have done his Faustian preferences deal with Pauline’s Onanist Nation.

Winners & Grinners

Back East we were faring better. For starters, the day was sponsored by the finely-tuned members of the Gordon family who provided the prizes and the food for which we thank them from the bottom of our hearts or thereabouts. The captain welcomed our guests, Ted Evans from the thriving metrolops of Greater Queanbeyan, and the Gorhams all the way from Boorowa (where Barnaby Joyce is relocating the Australian Wheat Board).


The Googly Ball was awarded to the female members of the Beckett and Gordon families for reasons which will remain obscure but which, I am assured, do not raise questions of misogyny or sexism. The Dummy Spit went to a young gentleman we shall identify only by his name, Alex Gordon. The encouragement award (junior 9 holes) was presented to Phoebe Beckett while a similar award (seniors 18 holes) went to Rob Gorham for getting out of bed. NTP and LD ball winners were Ken Gordon x 3, Matt O’Brien x 2, Tim Barter x 2, Pete Harrison, Alex Gordon and Rob Gorham. The longest drive for a drink was won by Marylou Gorham. The junior comp winner (9 holes) was Madison Gordon with 65 off the stick for an adjusted 23 (and they reckon the handicapper isn’t an old softie!). The seniors 9 hole comp was taken out by Ken Gordon 36/31 from his close personal friend, Deb Gordon 53/35. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Tim Barter75/59 from runner-up Matt O’Brien 103/66 with Pete Harrison in 3rd place on 108/70. Tim’s mojo was really working: his 75 off the stick makes him a contender for the course record, subject to checking club historical documents.

Next month – April, in case you’ve been drifting – will see the annual struggle for the grey (formerly green) jacket as the region’s golfers vie for the famous Wamboin Mini Masters. You are cordially invited to join us at the community hall at 12.15pm on Sunday 2 April for the 12.30pm kick off. In the meantime, isn’t our flash new supermarket on the Kings Highway the ant’s pants? They should put up a great big neon sign with an equally flash name chosen by public competition. To start the ball rolling your correspondent suggests Bungendore’s BIGA IGA. Keep those entries flooding in!

Larry King, golfer

February Competition Results

Greenwood's Ruins

Sunday 5 February 2017. A very hot day. 35 Celsius in the shade of a barbed wire fence. But a steady breeze over a healthy sweat had a kind of evaporative effect so the plucky golfers of the region sucked it up as they contested the Wamboin February Stableford. The day was sponsored by the Whitney and Schroder families to whom we extend our gratitude for the prizes and food at the 19th.

Hotel 19

Back at the community hall we stood around comparing our Australia Day gongs. Did you get one? Your correspondent’s must be in the mail – which bothers him a bit because that nice but underpaid Mr Ahab Fervour, the Australia Post CEO, got his already. I think it was for delivering a postal service slightly faster than Cobb & Co but slower than the Pony Express. And it explains why I didn’t get my invitation to the Incarceration Ball in DC (as we Deplorables call the epicentre of power-without-purpose) in honour of the old “alternative fact” machine himself, President Donald Trumpet. But I was buoyed by the news that my old mate, David Sodey, the lisping former CEO of Telstra, got a gong too. (Can’t remember what got him across the line.) Go Dave! All consumers of information and communications technology salute you. Good to see that Bungendore pastry chef, Cosi Panini, was made our Australia Day local hero. Cosi is starting his own political party, the Australian Preservatives, which will give a voice to those otherwise disenfranchised people who make conserves and stuff like that. Break a leg, Cosi!

Winners & Grinners

After the captain welcomed our guest, Tony Fitzgerald, Ted Evans and his straight man injected an air of cabaret with some ancient golf stories. Deb Gordon was awarded the Googly Ball for enjoying the day without the usual encumbrances. The Dummy was passed around between Lofty Mason—who complained that because he played early in the morning to avoid the heat of the day he missed out being a ball winner—to Tim Barter who whined about ripping his finger on the fence at Ron’s Dam Hole (what a big girl’s blouse!). NTP and LD winners (sadly not including Lofty) were Tim Barter 4 (!), Tony Fisher 2, Matt O’Brien 2, Ken Gordon and Larry King. Third place getter in the 9 hole comp was Deb Gordon with 17 Stableford points, 2nd OCB Lofty Mason also 17, 1st Ken Gordon 19. (John Whitney scored 21 but being a sponsor was deemed by tradition to be ineligible for a prize.) Third in the 18 hole comp was Pete Harrison 32, 2nd Matt O’Brien 34 and the winner was Tim Barter 37. Well done, all!

Next month will feature the Mad March Hare competition so we’re hoping that Australia’s acknowledged master of the brainfart, Bud Abbott MP, will present the prizes. So join us at 12.15pm on Sunday 5 March for the 12.30 pm cannon. Meanwhile, keep your paddle clean and bright.

Larry King, golfer

January Competition Results

New Year’s Day in the 2,017th year of the Current Era. Your correspondent will not lie to you (see below for plausible explanation). As he teed up for the Wamboin New Year Spectacular he was feeling decidedly spare to capacity as the result of a convivial New Year’s Eve. The tongue was swollen, the mouth was dry, the eyes were gritty and the hand was shaking. But we of the QPR are made of tough stuff so he valiantly fought the reflux and soldiered on. The day was sponsored by Dave and Jane Hubbard of Wiyagiba Trading (a free burial at sea if you can pronounce it) to whom we extend our thanks for the refreshments and the prizes. In keeping with the prevailing weather conditions the January comp is restricted to the ten holes along Bingley Way. By tradition, Hubbards' day is supposed to be a three- stick Ambrose. But the Captain stuffed up the message so most of us played stroke. Still, it was a joy to see Nev Schroder putting with his driver (and sinking them!).


Back at the Hall the tetchy bickering between the Captain and Mr Hubbard continued ad nauseum until the crowd grew restless and began talking amongst themselves. And what we discussed, of course, were our New Year’s resolutions. Here are mine. 1, I will not vote for the Communist Party (I think I’m safe here. I’ve never done so before and there is no foreseeable reason why I should). 2, I will extol the virtues of President Trump (and I will too as soon as they are vouchsafed to me). 3, I will consume more sugar (the way science progresses I think sugar is due for a good rap and I’ve always wanted to be ahead of the trend). 4, I will always speak well of our political leaders (they’re just a group of misunderstood people doing the best they can in our interests). 5, I will write the absolute unvarnished truth in this august journal of record (I admit I’ve stretched it a bit in the past but those days are over). Only time will tell if I can live up to those high ideals.

Winners & Grinners
Dave & Pete

The Googly Ball went to Tim Barter for his role as a gondolier in a romantic night on Lake Burley Griffin (named after Paul Griffin’s stout Aunt Burley). The Dummy Spit was tossed back and forth between our Captain, Peter Greenwood, and Dave Hubbard. A right pair of tossers. It was like watching Obama and Putin. Ted Evans sent in a story about golf in heaven. The encouragement award was taken out by Lila Mason. NTP and LD ball winners were Nev Schroder 2, Larry King 2, Pete Harrison 2, Paul Griffin 2, Joan Mason and Tim Barter. Sixth place in the day’s ten hole competition was Joan Mason with a net 38, 5th Lofty Mason 36, 4th Scott Mason 34, 3rd Paul Griffin 34 OCB, runner-up was Tim Barter 33 and the winner was Pete Harrison 30.

The February comp will be sponsored by the Whitney and Schroder families. Do join us at 12.15pm on Sunday 5 February for the 12.30pm getaway.

Meanwhile, may 2017 be a year of unutterable boredom compared with the shenanigans, outrages and atrocities of the previous year in which, with some shining exceptions, personkind failed to distinguish itself from its atavistic, Darwinian progenitors.

Larry King, golfer


December Competition Results

The Christmas Cup


Sunday, 4 December 2016. A warmish day which may have accounted for the smallish but selectish crowd that turned up for the Christmas Comp. Your correspondent would have thought that the predicted daytime temperature of 33 Celsius as pleasant enough. But then he is an optimist: his glass is half full (except when it's completely full or empty or at any other level). Mind you, it strains facial muscles to keep that optimistic smile on your face these days. With the economy tanking, the decision of our jovial PM, Malcolm Turmoil, to rule out an emissions intensity scheme (whatever that is), Australian kids getting dumber – except, of course, in the good old QPR (and Sutton), the Wallabies getting cleaned up by the Poms (again!) and our cricketers beaten by everyone but New Zealand (who are mourning the loss of their own top notch PM, John Quay (known to his friends as "Circular"), the rictus is starting to hurt. But just as one reaches for the knotted rope and the rusty razor one calls to mind Sir Mick the Dagger becoming a father again, cheerleading getting a go at the Olympics (can't wait for that), the Kangaroos sweeping the rugby league field and a chap feels fine once more. Especially about Mick who'll be over 90 when the kid's eligible to vote – if he makes it (Mick I mean, not the kid). And I'll bet Keef will still be going strong.

Winners & Grinners
Pete, Ned & Michael

The day's sponsors were Michael and Deborah Fileman and Rob and Penny Gibson. We sincerely thank all four for the provender and the prizes. Ted Evans made the pilgrimage from our regional hub to report on how a newly-wed golfer was able to correct is wife's hook. The Googly Ball was scooped up by Joan and Lofty Mason for their starring role in The Attack of the Killer Plovers who are raising chicks on the oval. The Dummy Spit Award went to top sportsman and maths wizard, Alex Gordon, for chucking a rolling tanty for five of nine holes. (And I wasn't there. There is a God!) LD and NTP ball winners were Tim Barter x 3, Ken Gordon x 2, Deb Gordon, Paul Griffin, Pete Harrison and Lofty Mason. The junior comp was won by newly-appointed Sutton Primary prefect, Madison Gordon with 74 strokes for a net 31 after handicap. Runner-up was her cranky brother Alex on 61/32. The nine hole camp went to Deb Gordon 49/29 on a count back from Lofty Mason 44/29. The 18 hole comp was taken out by Tim Barter 83/67 from Paul Griffin 88/69. The NAGA Award was won by Pete Harrison 119/72 who regained the coveted Ned Kelly Trophy (made of genuine concrete).

Party Time

Our next golf day will be held in 2017. Sunday, 1 January to be precise. So lay off the singing syrup the night before. The New Year's Day comp will be sponsored by Jane and Dave Hubbard of Wyagiba Trading. We look forward to seeing you at the Hall at 2.15pm (not the usual 12.30pm start) for the traditional shot gun start, the event being played over 10 holes in deference to the warmer summer weather. Meanwhile, on behalf of the R & A Wamboin Golf Club your correspondent wishes you a Merry Christmas and all the best for the coming year which looks like being a tough one, not least because of the apparent stasis and inertia on the part of our learned leaders. My old mate, M T Cicero, would sum it up thus: Quo usque tandem abutere, Malcolmus, patientia nostra? Look it up. It'll give you something else to do over the festive season.

Larry King, golfer

November Competition Results

The 31st Wamboin Open

Sunday 6 November, Wamboin Open day. A beautiful, mild, early Summer’s day which brought golfers in their thousands – or thereabouts – to the fray. Naturally, the crowd was agog with the amazing developments in the US presidential campaign. Who would have thought you could rent the FBI? Regular readers of this column will know that your correspondent, a renowned psephologist (the P is silent – as in surfing) has for many months been predicting a landslide victory for Donald Trumpet. Oh yes, he has! What you don’t know is the remarkable connection the Donald has with our region, viz: that he acquired his distinctive hairstyle right here in the QPR. When he and the beautiful Melaria came out here on their honeymoon Don’s rapidly receding hair, fluttering in a stiff Wamboin breeze, attracted the attention of a semi arboreal marsupial of the family Phalangeridae, otherwise known as the common brushtail possum. Long story short, Donny and the possum have been inseparable ever since. He refers to it as the GOP (Grand Old Possum) and wears it on his head on every occasion.

What’s this got to do with the Wamboin Open, I hear you cry. Well, buckle up and come for the ride because it turns out that in a deal brokered by Don-boy and our own decisive and charismatic PM, local golfer and stone mason, Mick Buonarroti, has been appointed to take the asylum seekers on Nauru and Manus to the US where they will build a wall along the Mexican border: two problems solved simultaneously.

Meanwhile back at Trumpet Tower on Bingley Way the captain welcomed our guests Craig Bradley and Peter Kelly and thanked the club for providing the food and prizes. The Googly Ball went to your correspondent who arrived just in time to play the 19th, having spent a long weekend fishing in the mountains (watch for separate report). Len Ivey spat the dummy but we don’t know why considering his result (read on). LD and NTP ball winners were Rob Gibson x 2, Ken Gordon, John Whitney, Lofty Mason, Charles Guscott and Craig Bradley. Junior Champion was Logan Beckett with 45 off the stick for a net 29, from Madison Gordon with 75/32 on a count back. The encouragement award for juniors was awarded jointly to Alex Gordon and Logan Robinson. The annual eclectic for nine holes was won by Ken Gordon net 27 from Lofty Mason 28.5. The 18 hole eclectic winner was Charles Guscott net 57, closely followed by Pete Harrison 58.


As John Philip Sousa strikes up the band we can announce that the 2016 club champions (net scores) are: nine holes 3rd Deb Gordon 51/30, 2nd Michael Fileman 45/29, champion Rob Gibson 38/28; 18 holes 3rd Keith France 81/62, 2nd Charles Guscott 82/60, champion Paul Griffin 81/60 OCB. And as the pipes and drums of Her Majesty’s Loyal Burpers join in we can reveal to the world that the 2016 Ladies Open Champion (nine holes) is Joan Mason with 42 strokes and the 2016 Men’s Open Champion is Len Ivey with 76 off the stick. Congratulations to our worthy winners and all the enthusiastic sportspeople who took part.

Join us on Sunday 4 December for the Christmas Comp. Be at the community hall at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm start. Wear a sprig of mistletoe and remember – it’s only a game. Larry King, deplorable golfer