Wamboin Community Association

Wamboin Golf Report Archive

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October Competition Results

Sunday, 7 October. Another day another royal commission. Aged care, gender quotas in politics, bullying and sexual harassment, climate change—specifically the relationship between greenhouse gas, energy prices, the reliable energy target and an emissions trading scheme—and, of course, what to do with the ABC (how to retard its relentless and unreasoning insistence on independence, factual depth and even handedness). Your correspondent understands from sources close to SloMo and BulSho, that all inquiries will be completed in time to have sensible, bipartisan policies in place before the federal election around May next year. Can’t wait. And, in fact, I won’t.

Ron's Dam Hole

Where was I? Ah yes. 7 October. A superb day for motor sport (Bathurst, Japan and Thailand) and, naturally, the Wamboin Oktoberfest Monthly Medal. Sunny, crisp, a light breeze. The day was sponsored by L & L King whom we thank for the prizes and eats. The order of the day was for stroke play rather than the fiendish Stableford system and so with the stench of high octane and burning rubber in our nostrils we set off down Con Rod Straight, hearts aflutter.

Back in Pit Lane while we carefully picked the needles out of the strawberries we discussed the poor man’s royal commission into the “culture” of the ACT’s peerless health system. The general consensus was that that there was no culture to speak of. Very few within the system could tell you if it was Mozart or Beethoven who painted the Mona Lisa. (It was Beethoven. Mozart invented the Stradivarius, a kind of ukulele you play with a stick.) The captain introduced our guests Ben, Skye and Jennifer from across the road and Klymut and Astrid Denier from Paris. Ted Evans took time out from looking for a couple of carers for SloMo’s disabled aunty to tell the story of the senator and the cow.

Winners & Grinners

The googly ball went to Joan Mason who lost her pencil but signed the NTP marker at the Hall with a piece of charcoal from the remains of the bonfire. The dummy spit award was presented to Glen Crafter for uncivil language after breaking the head off his driver. Glen was then able to pass it on to Joan Mason who failed to submit a card but complained about missing out on a prize which “she would have won”. NTP and LD ball winners were Paul Griffin x 2, Vicki Still, Tim Barter, Pete Harrison and Colin Urquhart.


The winner of the nine hole comp was Lofty Mason 50/39. One of the sponsors came second but modesty prevents me from revealing his identity. In any event the strict rules at Wamboin GC exclude him from the prize-getters. Keith France took out the 18 hole comp 74/60 from Vicki Still 87/62 with Paul Griffin in 3rd place 81/64.

Next month will feature the 33rd annual Wamboin Open, the very apogee, zenith, apex and summit of golf. Join us at the community hall on Sunday, 4 November at 12.15pm for the always dependable 12.30pm start. We asked Gladys Berejiklian to present the prizes but have been informed that she will be busy painting a portrait of Winx on the sails of the Opera House.

Larry King, golfer

September Competition Results

Sunday, 2 September. A typical Wamboin Spring day: satyrs chasing nymphs through the woodland valleys; faeries dancing around mushrooms in the dells; unicorns gamboling in the bluebell woods; Frederick McCubbin painting sylphides frolicking in billabongs to the strains of music by Leo Delibes. In other words, the usual thing and just the day for the Spring Trophy, sponsored by Joan and Lofty Mason whom we thank for the sustaining fare—especially Joan’s famous Spring Rolls—and the floral prizes. The sponsors declared a three-club day determined by stroke play. And so, with Pan Pipes fluting gaily in the scented air, we mounted our iron centaurs and dashed into the fray.


Back at the Colorbond Castle we settled in for a good old gripe about The Great Steam-driven Fiasco which recently gummed up the workings of federal parliament. In case you missed it I’ll briefly summarise. The embittered and passion-fingered former PM, Tony Rabbit, “masterminded” an insurrection against that nice, mild-mannered Malcolm Turnbull, the Neville Chamberlain of Australian politics. It seems Mr Rabbit wanted to replace Mr Turnbull with a potato. (Don’t ask. I don’t know why and nor does anyone else.) It didn’t work. Spud didn’t get up but Turnbull resigned anyway (just like Chamberlain did in 1940—you can’t appease a bully) and was replaced by someone called J-Lo or Flo-Jo or Mojo. But it’s OK, everything’s back to normal now. Furthermore it’s not true that Mr Rabbit is entirely useless as the left-leaning media assert. At least he can serve as a bad example.

Winners & Grinners

The captain moved a vote of sympathy for Lofty who had succumbed to an upper respiratory tract infection. (We understand he is enjoying the Very Best of care.) He then welcomed our guests, Tim Nelson, Lee Beamont, Chris Shaw and Adam and Irene Inerby from just outside Cooma. Ted Evans gave us a geography lesson about the Pakistani border. The googly ball went to Vicki Still who played with a pink ball and an orange ball and was able to lose both in the dense Wamboin rain forest. The dummy spit was again awarded to Tim Barter who had to be restrained for persistent sledging. The encouragement award went to Lee Beamont playing her first game at Wamboin. NTP and LD ball winners were Dean Joy x 3, Pete Harrison x 2, Chris Shaw, Ken Gordon, Glen Crafter and Kyle Griffin.

Deb & Joan

Winner of the junior nine hole comp was Alex Gordon with 53 strokes for a net 35 after adjustment for handicap. Runner-up was Phoebe Beckett 82/42. Senior nine hole comp winner was Deb Gordon 53/36 from Ken Gordon 43/39. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Paul Griffin 81/63 from Tim Barter 73/64. Congratulations to all who part.

Join us for another bucolic golf day on Sunday, 7 October (clocks forward). We look forward to seeing you at the Community Hall in Bingley Way at 12.15pm for the customary 12.30 pm start. If you need someone to look after the kids give me a call and I’ll have a quiet word with my old mate Peter Tuber MP, Minister for Home Duties, who’ll have an au pair on a tourist visa around to your place quick smart.

Larry King, golfer

August Competition Results

Mahogany Ridge, Sunday 5 August. A clear blue sky and a slight breeze. Or so they tell me. Your correspondent had come down with what the President of Iran would call the Mother of all Lurgies. Thus he must rely on hearsay for what took place on the course. But naturally he struggled from his sick bed (like Plunkett in 1916) to attend the 19th. The day was sponsored by the Tradies, people who know one end of a hammer from the other. (One has a steel knob with ears and one hasn’t). Stroke play adjusted for handicap was the order of the day.

Memorial Drive

Back at the workshop Henk (mechanical) prepared his famous pea and ham soup while Don (plumbing & gasfitting) and Trent (electrical) heated the party pies. Apologies and moral support from Col (automotive) up in the snow. Meanwhile, we all relived National Poltroon’s European Holiday. You remember: it was the foreign affairs triumph of that great American wind instrument, Donald Trumpet – known to his friends as POTUS (poltroon of the US) - when he bravely wandered blindly through UK politics after courageously upsetting his NATO mates, and then cravenly waggled a spongy finger at his new bestie, Vlad the Slippery, for annexing Crimea, overrunning Ukraine, taking down MH 17, novichoking UK citizens, hacking foreign governments and businesses and interfering in foreign elections. “Not me” said Vlad and Ol’ Windbag bought it. The free world’s in the very best of hands.

The captain, fresh from his soporific trip on the Ghan from Darwin to Adelaide, welcomed our guests, a couple of chalkies, Alma and John Mater, as well as Col Listermann and Mel Iluka from the botanical gardens. Ted Evans took us for a trip down memory lane from his days as a citrus reticulata in the public service. The googly ball went to Lofty Mason for some aspect of his wife’s play which he was not game to describe. His continued refusal to explain earned him the dummy spit award. Poltroonery is clearly in the air.

Winners & Grinners

NTB and LD ball winners were Ken Gordon x 3, Vicki Still x 2, Colin Urquhart, Joan Mason and Paul Griffin. The junior comp winner was Alex Gordon from his sister Madz. The nine hole first placegetter was Samantha Urquhart 65/30 from Lofty Mason 45/33 and Deb Gordon 51/34. The 18 hole comp was taken out by Pete Harrison who played out of his skin to record a Ned Kelly-ish 86/56 and was last seen hurriedly leaving town covered in tar and feathers. With the Wamboin Open coming up soon, Pete obviously doesn’t understand the concept of handicap maintenance! Runner-up was Ken Gordon whose 68 strokes for a handicap-adjusted 58 equalled the course record held by Tim Barter. In 3rd place was Paul Griffin 82/63. Well done all!

For those still in hibernation, the next month is September. Officially it will be Spring, which is when the R & A Wamboin GC mounts its famous Spring Trophy. So show some courage. Thumb your nose at Putin and join us at the community hall at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm start.

Larry King, golfer

July Competition Results

The GST Anniversary Handicap

Sunday, 1 July. A beautiful Winter’s day. Crisp and cold with a gentle breeze under a clear blue sky. An obvious day for golf, you would have said. But wait. What is this horror about to descend upon us like a succubus (or incubus – I can never tell the difference)? Is it a horde of Philippino basketballers? Or a sumasshedshaya banda of Russian soccer fans? No, it’s the demonic handicapping system for the GST Anniversary Handicap.

Donkey of Finn

It works like this: each team of two adds ten per cent to their combined handicaps and divides by four – or something. I know what you’re thinking: what evil mind dreamt that up? Well, meet my old mate Keith France, accountant and co-sponsor of the day’s play. Fortunately the countervailing factor is the other co-sponsor, Kathy Handel. We thank them both, but mainly Kathy, for the food and wearable prizes.

Back at base, while the captain struggled with the score cards, there were many issues to probe as we all adjusted for fluid loss. For example, the meeting of the Great Equivocator with Kung Fu Panda; the soccer world cup being hotly contested by B grade actors (e.g., that Brazilian guy with the sore ankle) in the Soviet Union/USSR/CCCP/Russia/all of the above; Scomo’s great GST fix (if anyone can explain it, let me know. My reading is it goes to 15.27% and Tasmania misses out); the despicable practice of slut-shaming reflecting the decline of parliamentary standards; the looming penumbra of democracy (just never got off the ground in some places); the Cartier exhibition at the NGA. Your correspondent attended the latter and was impressed by the standard of personal adornment one can achieve if one has considerably more money than one requires. And yet I couldn’t suppress the unworthy thought that the baubles were akin to the lamb chop hung around the neck of an unprepossessing child so that the dog would play with him.

Winners & Grinners

The captain introduced our guests, Glen and Siobhan Fiddick, all the way from Scotland. Ted Evans made the pilgrimage with news from Queanbeyan. In a rare quinella the googly ball and the dummy spit award went to the same person, Alex Gordon (dobbed in by his mother). NTP and LD ball winners were Keith France x 2, Vicki Still, Ken Gordon and Pete Harrison.


The nine hole comp was won by the team of Vicki Still and Larry King on 29.9 strokes after handicap, from Deb and Alex Gordon 32.7 and Joan and Lofty Mason in 3rd place with 35.6. The 19 hole comp was taken out by the team of Ken Gordon and Pete Harrison 60.0 from runners-up Keith France and John Whitney 63.025.

The August comp will be sponsored by the Tradies, people who have found uses for their opposed thumbs other than for texting and Grand Theft Auto. Join us at the Hall at 12.15pm on Sunday, 5 August for the usual 12.30pm start. Feel free to wear your tiara.

Larry King, golfer

June Competition Results

Windsor Castle, Sunday 3 June. The Editor sent your correspondent to Royalla to report on the Lundy wedding but due to a communication breakdown he went to London to report on the royal wedding. Hence this belated coverage of the June EOFY Pennant, sponsored by the Urquhart and Beckett families whom we thank for the calories and loot. Apparently it was a fine Winter’s day in Wamboin which produced a vast field of finely-tuned athletes who took to the hills and dales of this earthly paradise brandishing equipment made famous by Mary Queen of Scots.

Shep's High Drive

Back at the Tower your correspondent was able to provide hitherto unreported details of the marriage of ageing private detective, Miss Marple, to Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. The nuptials took place in a draughty chapel attached to HM the Q’s humble little weekender outside London. In true gate-crashing tradition I elbowed aside the grace-and-favour mob and all those uppity A Listers to snag a seat upfront next to an old chap with dark circles under his eyes, sipping from a hip flask. He looked about a hundred but was prepared to share his tipple so an enjoyable half hour was spent giggling at the silly hats.

The crowd was anxious to see Miss Marple’s dress which had occasioned much speculation in the media. My new buddy and I were hoping for Priscilla, Queen of the Desert meets early Kardashian but she rolled up in something quite simple by da Vinci. Some commented on her train. Surely the groom’s family was rich enough to spring for a car. Some of these aristocrats are closer than a dead heat. The Prince and his best man (his brother, W D & H O Wills) wore navy blue uniforms (obviously Carlton fans). Hamlet was torn between his brother and his close friend, Tobias Smollett, for best man (“Toby or not Toby, that is the question”). Wills was cranky. He had already been booked to hand over the FA Cup at Wembley that afternoon. He thought that a royal wedding on the pitch at halftime would enable him to see the game and give the spectators some unforgettable halftime entertainment. Certainly better than Meatloaf.

Winners & Grinners

The captain cut short the eloquent flow by welcoming our guests, Rhoda and Jack Dendrin, fresh from the Chelsea flower show. The googly ball went to Tim Barter for a bad shot that turned out better than it deserved. The dummy spit award was shared by Tim and Alex Gordon. Madison Gordon again won the encouragement award. NTP and LD ball winners were Glen Crafter x 2, Tim Barter x 2, Alex Gordon, Deb Gordon, Colin Urquhart, and Vicki Still (playing in one gumboot).

Junior comp winner was Phoebe Beckett. Winner of the nine hole comp was Sam Urquhart 50/25 from runner-up Glen Crafter 37/28. The 18 hole comp was taken out by the old firm (“old firm what?” I hear you cry) of Vicki Still 89/63 from Tim Barter 72/64.

On Sunday, 1 July the Wamboin GC will host the annual GST Anniversary T Shirt when we all add ten per cent to our handicaps. Join us at the community hall at 12.15pm for the customary 12.30 pm shotgun start.

Larry King, golfer

May Competition Results

The Sailors' and Airmen's Trophy

Sunday, 6 May. My old mate Bill Shakespeare, the well-known local thespian and theatrical impresario, said to me as follows: “Larry, old pal, as it fell upon a day in the merry month of May, sitting in a pleasant shade which a grove of myrtles made, beasts did leap and birds did sing, trees did grow and plants did spring…” I said “hold it right there, Shakers old sport. You’re thinking of the Northern hemisphere.” To which he replied “so why are you playing golf in a T-shirt?” He had me there. If not for Autumn’s golden gown it could have been a beautiful Spring day for the annual R&A Wamboin May Day Spectacular, sponsored by the Ancient Mariner (T Barter) and the Intrepid Birdman (P Griffin) whom we thank for the prizes and sustenance (although much of the work was done by the Intrepid Bird woman, Diana). The sponsors decreed stroke play so with a song on our lips we set off into the wide blue yonder.

Saddle Up

Back at the old tin shed, while the captain endeavored to sort the lies from the equivocations on the score cards, we discussed Budget. There was general agreement that a federal Budget of any hue is a taxonomy (get it?) of the things that will never happen. Just a few examples: the Budget will attain surplus at a specified date (translation - when hell freezes); all battlers will get a tax cut (translation – all those who fought in the Boer War will get a tax cut); more money will be spent on R&D (translation – we’re going to search and destroy all those pesky dual citizens); no banker will be living in poverty by 2019 (OK, so that one got through). Talking about bankers, we were all mightily amused at the treatment handed out to those minders of our money including AMP (not to be confused with the first one in the morning). Pugnacious royal commissioner, Jarryd Hayne, fresh from his gridiron experience, is really “sacking” the quarterbacks and wide receivers of the finance world. Keep it up Jarryd. Don’t take a backward step.

Winners & Grinners

The captain introduced our visitors Bruce and Kerry Ilosis and the Lomond brothers Ben and Lach. The googly ball went to Ted Evans who read a letter from a female member of the ADF. The dummy spit award was won by the captain for his rant about players and markers signing score cards. LD and NTP ball winners were Alex Gordon, Tim Barter x 3, Dean Joy, Vicki Still, Pete Harrison, Kyle Griffin x 2 and Ken Gordon.


The encouragement award went to Alex Gordon for a creditable 47/23. Winner of the nine hole comp was Deb Gordon 50/30, playing in a fivesome which included three juniors (the woman’s a saint!) from Ken Gordon 36/31 in a separate foursome. I’ll bet he copped it when he got home. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Kyle Griffin 100/61 from runner-up Vicki Still 91/66.

Next month, June, join us at the Hall at 12.15pm on Sunday, 3 June for the EOFY Handicap (your handicap minus the square root of your tax cut in 2018-19 to the 6th decimal point) kicking off at 12.30pm.

Larry King, golfer

April Competition Results

The Wamboin Mini Masters

Sunday, 1 April. No joke. A beautiful day which apparently saw the concurrence of Easter Sunday, April Fools day and the end of daylight saving – a coincidence as rare as Halley’s Comet. And, of course, the Wamboin Mini Masters, famed in song and story. It’s played in two rounds, each of six holes - the first to see who makes the cut. Competition is determined on stroke play with handicap and open divisions. The open winner gets a real green (well it used to be green) jacket, just like the ones they give out at Augusta National, except you’ve got to hand it back afterwards. There’s also the NTP novelty shots but we’ll save them for later. The Mini Masters is sponsored by the Wamboin Community Association, represented on the day by Palerang Mayor-in-perpetuity, Pete Harrison. We thank the WCA for the post-game food and prizes.

Saddle Up

Back at the clubhouse, while the acting captain coaxed the computer into revealing the names of the place getters, we all bemoaned the end of the world as we knew it as a result of the appalling treatment of our upright Australian cricketers, just for making certain necessary adjustments to the surface of the ball to ensure a better and faster game. But it’s an ill wind etc, etc. For every unctuous hand-wringer there are probably a dozen pubescent youths sniggering about the evocative term “ball tampering”.


The acting captain then welcomed our guest-of-honour, Mr Potus Trumpet, and invited him to present he prizes. That honour was to have gone to the QPR Mayor who was recently outed as a former member of the Liberal Party and thus ineligible: Wamboin GC rules exclude anyone with strong political convictions from officiating. So it was either Mr Trumpet or that vigilant guardian of your privacy, Mr Dark Suckerberg, boss of social media engine, MugShot. The googly ball was awarded to Joan Mason for the remarkable feat of driving over Shep’s Dam but still landing in the water. She accomplished this by hitting a stump on the other side. That’s golf at Wamboin, folks. The dummy was passed around from Tim Barter (general whingeing) to Joan Mason (specific whingeing – Shep’s dam refers).


The winner of the handicap division was Vicki Still 70/53 from Runner-up Larry King 70/57. The winner of the Wamboin Mini Masters for 2018 was Tim Barter with 53 strokes from Paul Griffin on 58. It was another good day for Tim who won the NTP Novelty with an aggregate 38.2 metres from Paul 44.5. There are four obstacles: standing on a ramp; then on a tyre; one-handed; in a bunker. You can believe your correspondent when he says that the ramp and the tyre leave you feeling as precarious as a Russian spy delivering a handful of nerve agent. Next month is the merry month of May. The Commonwealth Games will be over and we can concentrate on the only sport at which you can’t cheat – apart from moving your ball or your opponent’s, treading on your opponent’s ball, dropping your bag during your opponent’s back swing, over-shadowing the cup when your opponent is putting and a thousand other things we just don’t do because it just isn’t cricket! So join us at the hall at 12.15pm on Sunday, 6 May for the well-known 12.30pm start.

Larry King, golfer

March Competition Results

Mahogany Ridge, Sunday, 4 March. Your correspondent had a strange dream last night. I dreamt I was in Sydney, sitting up front in St Mary’s cathedral listening to the King’s Singers (no relation) all the way from King’s College (not mine), Cambridge. Next door the LGBTIQ community were having their annual Coming Out Party, known as the G&L Mardi Gras. The church’s first female bishop was leading the parade on a float bedecked in precious jewels which she was throwing to the crowd (they clearly weren’t hers) who were shouting “Jewelry, Bishop! Jewelry, Bishop!” I was about to trouser a diamond the size of the Koh-I-Noor when a large uncouth individual wearing jockey shorts and an over-sized Akubra leaped off the float of the Gay Farmers of New England and ripped it from my hand, screaming “What about my unborn child!” At that point I awoke, regretting the cassoulet of green apples, curried eggs and baked beans I had consumed the night before. All of which explains why I didn’t make the monthly Wamboin golf day and this report comes to you second hand.

Donkey of Finn

The day was sponsored by Ken and Deb Gordon and their vivacious children whom we thank for the prizes and refreshments. Play was deemed to be on the Stableford scoring system, so with a muttered oath or two from the mathematically challenged, golfers of the region girded their loins (not a pretty sight) and set off into the heart of darkness as my old mate, Joe Conrad, would have it.


Back at the disco, as we all danced to the rhythms of Bronski Beat and marveled at the magical a cappella sound of the The Nylons (who could have given the Kings Singers a run for their money), discussion turned to the meltdown by QPR Councilor Malaria Hash, the Calamity Jane of local politics. Seems she has been casting aspersions on the staff of The Dear Leader, Kim Working Trousers, whose missile program is going great guns and has already taken out Clean Up Australia Day in the outlying regions of our hermit state. The captain called us to order by welcoming our guests, Gerhard Ryan and Katie and Samantha. Ted Evans celebrated his birthday by pointing dramatically to his new golf shoes.

Winners & Grinners

The googly ball was awarded to Vick Still and the dummy spit went to Tim Barter (details redacted under privacy law). NTP and LD ball winners were Colin Urquhart x 2, Tim Barter x 2, Ken Gordon, Deb Gordon, Gerhard Ryan, Pete Harrison and Paul Griffin.

Phoebe Beckett took out the juniors’ prize. Winner of the nine hole competition was Joan Mason on 21 Stableford points from runner-up Colin Urquhart 20 followed by Samuel Urquhart 16 OCB. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Tim Barter 38, from Gerhard Ryan 37 and Vicki still in 3rd place on 35.

Next month is April. Green fees will be waived for the first reader to correctly identify whether T S Eliot said it was (a) the cruelest month (b) the only month starting with A (c) the only month with 28 days. But the most important thing about April is that it’s the month of the Wamboin Mini Masters – the most fun you can have standing up with a golf club in your hand. So why not join us at 12.15pm on Sunday, 1 April at the community hall for the usual 12.30pm start. There will be enough of us golfing April fools present to give you all the camouflage you need.

Larry King, golfer.

February Competition Results

Sunday, 4 February, very warm, like the greeting a foreign donor gets from a political party. Despite the breaking news of the serious security SNAFU embroiling the Wamboin Golf Club (more later), a pleasing number of finally-tuned athletes rolled up for the February liver-cleansing comp sponsored by the Schroder and Whitney families, whom we thank for the healthy eats offset by the countervailing prizes.

Weepers Drive

Stroke play was the order of the day and with a song in our hearts we struck out for various parts of the manicured Wamboin course with our ears pricked for the sound of the trusty 410 shotgun which would signal the beginning of hostilities.

Back at base, talk turned to the scandalous breach of security referred to above. In case you’re not across it, let me summarise. A number of the club’s filing cabinets containing files classified TOP SECRET and AUSTEO (something to do with Panadol) were removed from club premises and found their way into the hands of the Australian Bolshevik Comintern (ABC). Instead of immediately returning them to the club, the ABC broadcast scurrilous reports of a confidential proposal to radically reduce the handicaps of junior players. In the event, the club decided not to go ahead with the idea but both ABC News and 1930hours (presented by that talented inquisitor, Red Sails) made it their lead story for the week. In other words, a story about something that didn’t happen!

Donkey of Finn

At least they got something right when they correctly reported ABS analysis of data confirming the global death rate had remained stable at 100%. The captain noted that if you torture a statistic long enough it’ll confess to anything. He then welcomed our guests Jen Cass, David Major, Lee Beamont and Timothy Nelson.

Winners & Grinners

The googly ball was awarded to one of the club’s junior greenkeepers for getting his car locked in at Ron’s Dam Hole. The dummy spit went to his wife who complained—some thought reasonably—of the resulting inconvenience. After an absence, Ted Evans brought us up to date with the goings-on in Queanbeyan.


The encouragement award went to Tim Nelson. The junior comp was won by Madz Gordon with 25 strokes from Alex Gordon and Phoebe Beckett. NTP and LD ball winners were Glenn Crafter 3, Vicki Still 2, Ken Gordon, Jen Cass, Keith France and Tim Barter. It was a tie in the senior nine hole comp with Deb Gordon 49 and Ken Gordon 35 both equal on 30 after handicap. (The captain was wise enough not to separate them on count back.) The senior 18 hole comp was taken out by Glenn Crafter 79/53 from runner-up Vicki Still 86/54.

Next month will be March according to the magnetic calendar on your correspondent’s fridge door. We look forward to all you mad March hares joining us at 12.15pm at the Wamboin community hall on Sunday, 4 March for the 12.30pm signal to begin another essay at that enjoyable but frustrating game invented by the fiendish Pictish people.

Larry King, golfer

January Competition Results

Sunday, 7 January. A bloody hot day. I think it got to 39 or 40 at the airport. But up here in God’s Own it was a couple of degrees cooler, for what that was worth. The clever clogs played early in the morning but even then they had a glimpse of how Dante saw his jolly old Inferno.

Up the Creek

The day was to be sponsored by Wyagiba Trading but that walking pathology museum, Dave Hubbard, who had a challenging 2017, had an even rockier start to the New Year. Ever the golfer, he had the presence of mind to call the captain from his hospital bed as they prepared him for the theatre (and I’m not talking about the Capitol in Manuka) to register an apology. We wish him the best including a snappy recovery. Into the breach stepped Joan Mason and Peter Greenwood whom we thank for the last minute eats and prizes. In keeping with the club’s traditional response to extremes of temperature, play was restricted to a nine hole Stableford event, limited to three clubs. Uttering prayers to Ra we stumbled out into the hangi pit of the day.

Hall NTP

Back at the 19th the talk turned to the latest efforts of that “stable genius”, Donald Trumpet. Some thought it was a misprint: he meant stable genesis, referring to his happy upbringing. Others thought he meant table genius, meaning he could clear a table of cheese burgers in 60 seconds. But most agreed he meant what he said: he was a genius compared to the other horses in the stable. Which adds up when you consider his uncanny similarity to the back end of a horse including the tail.

Winners & Grinners

Having sorted that out, the captain welcomed our guests, local pasta makers Al and Margaret Dentay and Scott and Lila Mason all the way from FNQ. The googly ball went to Vicki Still for rescuing Wodger the wonder dog from the clutches (literally) of a large kangaroo while suffering significant personal injuries. The dummy spit was awarded to Scott Mason who complained bitterly about having to get up at 6.30am to play golf. Apparently they leap out of bed at the crack of noon in FNQ.

NTP and LD ball winners were Tim Barter 2, Larry King 2 and Paul Griffin 2. The junior comp resulted in a tie between Lila Mason and Phoebe Beckett. Winner of the senior nine hole comp was Pete Harrison with 23 Stableford points from Paul Griffin in second place on 17 and Lofty Mason 3rd on 15. Well played, all!

Demonstrating the sporting nature of this corner of Greater Queanbeyan, there is to be a mixed sports day on Sunday 14 January starting at 12.30pm. The program includes boules, badminton, swimming and kangaroo wrangling. On Australia Day (look it up, do I have to do everything for you?) there will be a nine hole comp on various Wamboin estates commencing at 4pm. No wonder we’re so fit and healthy! And the next official Wamboin golf day will be on Sunday, 4 February, sponsored by the Schroder and Whitney families. See you at the Hall at 12.15pm for the customary 12.30pm shotgun start.

Larry King, stable golfer


December Competition Results

This report comes to you from Mahogany Ark, afloat on Lake George after the Great Deluge over the weekend of 2/3 December. I’ve been collecting two of every species. So far I’ve got two shingle backs, two blue tongues, two browns, two tigers and two red-bellied blacks. I’m having trouble in determining the sex of the snakes. Apparently the sexes differ in the number of ventral scales—that’s the number of scales from the vent (rectum to you) and the tail. But the snake has to cooperate in the counting process.

Pine Slice

And talking about cooperation, what about our brave and helpful local member, Seve Bolero, the grand poobah of the NSW Country Party, publicly calling on our Malcolm to resign, eh? And done with the courage and courtesy typical of the true statesman—before he actually shirt-fronted Malcolm. Not to mention the seasoned politician’s finely-tuned sense of occasion—just when James Joyce, man of letters and federal leader of the National Country Party, was trying to clamber back into the trough. Keep it up, Seve. History beckons.

But the subject is golf, specifically the R & A Wamboin GC’s Christmas competition which drew a curtain across the club’s programme of events for 2017. Once the floodwaters had subsided we donned Arthur Wellesley’s famous boots, kept calm and carried on. The day was sponsored by the Harrisons and Greenwoods whose generous contribution of refreshments and prizes is gratefully acknowledged.

Short 'n Sweet

As we dried off back on high ground, we learned that Scrooge McDougal, manager of the local branch of the Indigo Bank, is understandably excited about the banking industry royal commission. He hopes the four big outfits get the shellacking they deserve. Your correspondent has an alternative perspective. The inquiry should concentrate on what those plonkers at APRA, ACCC and ASIC were doing while the banks were dry cleaning our money and generally ripping everyone off. Meanwhile, there’s to be another (ho hum) royal wedding. The red-headed chap with the beard is getting hitched to Miss Marple, the elderly private detective.

Winners & Grinners

The captain welcomed our guests Charlie and Helen Montesin of no fixed abode. Ted Evans told us of a new use for pancakes. Pete Harrison got the googly ball for wanting to play on after his drive from tee 16 landed on fairway 17. (Come on, you can work it out.) John Whitney got the dummy spit (again) for suggesting complications to the 9 hole comp.


LD and NTP ball winners were Paul Griffin 2, John Whitney 2, Vicki Still, Alex Gordon, Ken Gordon, Tim Barter and Glen Crafter. Paul Griffin was also awarded his prize for taking out the 2017 Eclectic, as reported last month. The junior comp was won by Alex Gordon. The 9 hole comp was won by Ken Gordon 35/30 with Joan Mason runner-up on 47/36 after eliminating a sponsor. The 18 hole comp went to Tim Barter 68/58 (a new course record after breaking his own record set in last month’s Open!) from Paul Griffin 82/62 and Glen Crafter 91/66 (a handicap which may not stand).

Our next golf day will be in 2018, a whole year away. Join us at the hall on Sunday, 7 January at 12.15pm for the traditional 12.30pm kick off. And wear a smile. It might be another terrific year. But check the archaic meaning of terrific while having a moderately merry Christmas and a happy and safe New Year.

Larry King, golfer

November Competition Results

Your correspondent recently celebrated a significant birthday ending in zero. I won’t tell you what it was. Many readers of these reports think they’re written by a 12-year-old and I don’t want to puncture their illusions. I mention it merely to emphasise the passage of time leading us to the 32nd Wamboin Open which was contested on Sunday, 5 November, a warm breezy late Spring day. The Open is sponsored by the Wamboin Golf Club, which we thank for the refreshments and prizes. And speaking of food, a special thanks to Joan and her legion of helpers in the kitchen. Thanks also to Jerry at Dan Murphy’s for some wine and the handy carry bags.

Memorial Drive

Out on the course a rare Phoenix egg was discovered – actually a melted golf ball found in the ashes of the bonfire from that September night of the world famous Wamboin Fireworks staged by local pyrotechnical engineer, Robert Louis Stevenson (Stevenson’s Rocket), and the rest of the team at Fireworks Australia. More of that later.

Saddle Up

Back at the station while the Captain toted the scores we all scratched our heads at the plight of the poor old Federal Government and its run of bad luck over the dual citizenship imbroglio. It seems the High Court has confirmed that two isn’t, in fact, better than one (even if you’re a Tasmanian). The Court appeared to reaffirm an earlier judgement that unless you’ve taken “reasonable steps” to repudiate any previous foreign entanglements, you’re gone. But you have to have done so before accepting the Queen’s Shilling, so to speak. And talking of Her Maj, monarchists are up in arms at the suggestion that if the Constitution is to be changed to fix the Section 44 mess, we may as well become a republic at the same time. Menzies would be spinning in his grave. The former PM famously said of HM QE II, “I did but see her passing by, so I hit her with a custard pie”. Deep, very deep.

Winners & Grinners
Dummy Spit Award

The Captain welcomed our guests, Anna and Charles Conder. Ted Evans brought us up to date with goings-on in our twin city, Queanbeyan. The Googly Ball in the form of the Phoenix egg (see above) was awarded to the Captain for being a hot shot – or something that sounds like it. Tim Barter got the Dummy Spit Award for whingeing his way through the front nine while playing the game of his life (see below). The Encouragement Award was shared by Alex and Madison Gordon. LD and NTP ball winners were Len Ivey, Vicki Still, John Whitney x 2, Charles Guscott, Tim Barter x 2 and Pete Harrison x 2.

And now, as John Philip Sousa strikes up the band we can announce the 2017 Wamboin Open results. The Eclectic 9 Holes, Lofty Mason. Eclectic 18 Holes, Paul Griffin. Junior champion (9 Holes), Phoebe Beckett 71/26. Nine Hole Club Champion, Larry King 47/34 from runner-up Lofty Mason 48/37. 18 Hole Club Champion, Pete Harrison 92/55, from Vicki Still 83/57 and John Whitney 3rd on 77/62. The 2017 Ladies Open Champion (9 Holes) is Joan Mason 50. The 2017 Men’s Open Champion is Tim Barter 70 – a new course record. Congratulations to our worthy winners and to all who took part.

With very few shopping days 'til Christmas, now is the time to rush out and buy that new carbon fibre driver so you can dazzle us at the Wamboin Christmas competition when the Community Hall will be decked with boughs of holly or serrated tussock or lantana or something.

Larry King, golfer

October Competition Results

Sunday, 1 October. A pleasantly warm Spring day with a gentle breeze fanning the sports fans of the P part of the QP Region who had gathered at the community hall for the Oktober Komp sponsored by L & L King whom we thank for the prizes and eats.

Ron's Dam Hole

We were all over the moon, beside ourselves and cock-a-hoop (which isn’t as painful as it sounds) at the previous day’s result in the AFL grand final. Would you believe it? After 37 years our very own Bungendore Tigers had prevailed over the Adelaide Mudchooks. No, not the Mudchooks. It was some other form of inedible poultry from South Australia. Your correspondent is not normally a follower of the “four sticks” game—described by an American viewer as “one long fumble”. It was instructive, however, to observe 100,000 people in one place; it instructed him to stick with the sensibly-sized crowds at the Mick Sherd. Before play commenced L King (not to be confused with L King) moved the suspension of so much of standing orders as would prevent a sponsor from winning a prize. This motion failed for lack of a seconder. The mover then petulantly decreed that competition would be based on the mysterious and impenetrable Stableford scoring system.

Twin Gums

Back in the dressing shed as we sucked on oranges and peptides and applied the Dencorub and Voltaren, the irrepressible grand finals fever continued. Many were eagerly anticipating the NRL grand final that evening when the FNQ Bovinepersons (the F stands for Far, by the way) would take on the Melbourne Tempest. But all of us were nervously awaiting the outcome of the biggie, the Superbowl of the silly haircuts: Donald Trumpet’s Basket of Deplorables versus Kim Wrong-un’s Hermit Crabs (unless there was a late scratching) to be played out on the Korean Peninsula—and elsewhere if things get messy, in which case any seat will be a good one.

Winners & Grinners

The Captain welcomed our visitors from the coast, Len and Linda Ivey, former residents of this parish. Ted Evans regaled us with anecdotes from that regional power base, Queanbeyan, to be ruled for the next three years by that nice Mr Working Trousers. The googly ball went to the mover of the motion above. He was lucky to avoid the dummy spit which, for the first time, went to the normally even-tempered Paul Griffin who queried why he had to accept a two stroke penalty when after teeing off the ball hit a rock, came back and struck his club. LD and NTP ball winners were Tim Barter 2, Keith France 2, Paul Griffin 2, Pete Harrison 3 and Joan Mason. The winner of the nine hole comp was Joan Mason with 13 Stableford points from Lofty Mason 12 and Samuel Urquhart 3rd on 11. The 18 hole comp was taken out by Vicki Still 42 (goodbye current handicap) from Keith France 40 and Pete Harrison in 3rd place on 39 points.

The month of November will mark the region’s golfing grand final, otherwise known as the 32nd Wamboin Open. Join us at the community hall at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm start on Sunday, 5 November to see if you can get your name on the honour board as open or handicap champion in the nine or 18 hole events. US rapper, Macklemore, will provide the après golf entertainment when he premiers his new hit single, Old White Dudes.

Larry King, golfer

September Competition Results

Sunday, 3 September 2017. A warm early Spring day spoilt by winds gusting to 60 clicks. But never yet did a howling gale deter the hardy golfers of the region who gathered in their thousands, or somewhere near it, to contest the universally famous Wamboin Spring Trophy which, for over 30 years, has been sponsored by the Mason family. The sponsors decreed a three-club day, (one of which had to be a putter) decided by stroke play. And so, with a song on our lips and hope in our hearts we donned our cleated boots and set off into the untamed Wamboin savanna.

Back at base camp the acting captain welcomed our guests, David Shellard and the entire Urquhart clan lead by Colin and Sam (sorry, I didn’t get everyone’s name, I was concentrating on spelling Urquhart). Of course everybody wanted to talk about the forthcoming QPRC elections. Many had attended meet-the-candidates night to witness the tradition of putative politicians kissing hands and shaking babies and saying things like “can you hear me up the back?” (The correct answer is “yes, but I’m prepared to swap with someone who can’t”.) Amongst the many interesting presentations your correspondent, who admittedly had skin in the game, could sometimes detect a fine sprinkling of that great old fertiliser BOVINE SH-one-T. But it’s a tough gig with little love in the room. When I said to the person sitting next to me I thought one speaker had made a good point the terse response was “even an idiot can have a good idea”. The sensation of the night came when the chairperson announced that a candidate I won’t name was not an escaped convict; he had, in fact, served his full sentence. (That’s not true. I just threw it in to see if you were awake. Politics can be a bit tedious.) Thankfully conversation turned to the proliferation of the eastern grey kangaroo. There was much empathy with the measured and moderately-expressed views of our own Wamboin Muse.

Winners & Grinners
Joan & Keith

The googly ball went to David Shellard for staying on at the 19th in his Yellows after a call-out which was actually a pager broadcast about the next day’s expected fire weather. The dummy was passed around from Glen Crafter to Tim Barter via Keith France for various embarrassing displays of temperament on the course. The encouragement award went to the youngest Urquhart (Katie, I think). NTP and LD ball winners were Keith France 3, Pete Harrison 3, Sam Urquhart, Colin Urquhart, Ken Gordon and Tim Barter. The winner of the junior comp was Alex Gordon (Maddie was runner-up). Winner of the nine hole comp was Larry King with a nett 31 OCB from Glen Crafter. The 18 hole comp was taken out by Keith France 56 from Tim Barter 59.

Join us on Sunday, 1 October for the rollicking Oktoberfest Kompetition. We have ways of making you have fun. Be at the community hall at 12.15pm for the usual 12.30pm shotgun start.

Larry King, golfer

August Competition Results

Sunday 6 August. A cold blustery day. The brass monkeys were keeping local boilermaker, James Watt, busy unfreezing the old round objects. A rather ill-judged email, sent round the day before by the captain, may have had the effect of reducing numbers in the field by inviting the poltroonish to at least attend the 19th if they were intimidated by the weather. Your correspondent was one of the poltroons, the result of a surfeit of Schweineknochel and red wine the previous evening. The day was sponsored by the Tradies—Don, Henk, Trent and Col—chaps that can hammer in nails which don’t include the one on the thumb. We thank them for the useful prizes (adzes, planes, axes, screwdrivers, etc.) and the filling repast, especially Henk’s notorious pea and ham soup (ancient family recipe; killed every one on the Batavia).

Back at the Forge, a raging fire completed the work of Mr Watt’s oxy-welding equipment while the captain welcomed our guests, Al and Irene Packer, fine wool producers of Weeroona Drive. It was noted by many that the 46 mls of rain we received during the week only partially relieved the drought caused by the scandalous theft of water from the Murray-Darling basin up north. Reassured by the knowledge that Seve Bolero, local member and State leader of the Country Party, has the matter well in hand, we went on to marvel at the wizard japes going on at the Commonwealth Bank. Not only will the bank look after your money, they’ll now wash and iron it for you! Add that to the loot the bank trousered from its financial advisers and insurance policies and the cash rates-fixing adventure, it’s no wonder the share price is tanking. Someone, possibly that nice Mr Narev, may miss out on their bonus. Meanwhile, local green thumbed nurseryman, poor old Scotty Ludlum, lost his job just for being born in New Zealand. It just doesn’t seem fair.

Winners & Grinners
Tim & Don

The googly ball went to the mover of the motion that if you don’t play you don’t eat. He was ruled out of order. The dummy spit was awarded to Vicki Still who spoilt an otherwise creditable 18 holes by various tanties on the course. She also got the encouragement award (to encourage her to stop moaning and get on with it). The winner of the junior comp was Madison Gordon. The winner of the nine hole comp was Lofty Mason with 40 off the stick for a handicap-adjusted 27. Second was Joan Mason 42/30 OCB from Ken Gordon 3rd on 38/30. The 18 hole comp was won by Tim Barter 80/65. Runner-up was Paul Griffin 86/67 followed by Vicki Still in third place with 109/71. Well done, all!

Next month is September. (My, isn’t the year flashing past—just like Usain Bolt used to.) So join us at the Wamboin community hall on Sunday 3 September at 12.15pm for the usual 12.30 take-off when we will compete for the Spring Trophy. Should be a lot of fun; the sponsors, the family Mason, have decreed a three-club day and there will, of course, be Mme Mason’s famous spring rolls. WARNING: there will be citizenship check at the door. Those born in NZ, UK or Canada get in free.

Larry King, golfer

July Competition Results

Sunday, 2 July. Cold as a well digger’s knee. But bright sunshine and little or no wind. Perfect day for chasing the white, dimpled ball. The day was sponsored by the Antediluvian Order of Sailors and Airpersons. We extend our thanks to Tim Barter and Paul (and mainly Diana) Griffin for the prizes and refreshments at the 19th. The sponsors specified a Stableford competition but set off early without informing anyone else so the rest of us played Stroke.


Back at the Hall the Captain eventually sorted it out, muttering dark imprecations into his beard. As he did so we all stood around playing the new Census Game: spot the non-believing 30 per cent. It’s harder than you think. Those pesky infidels look just like ordinary people. Anyway, when we tired of that we got back to deploring the state of national politics. For example, the Federal Watermelons (green on the outside, red on the inside) are having a real donnybrook with their NSW branch lead by that unruly Senator Rhiannon (must be a big fan of Fleetwood Mac). Meanwhile, Tony Rabbit, the former PM, known to his friends as the Bitter Lemon or Passion Fingers, is roaming the country firing off big ideas and generally demonstrating the benefits of an Oxford education. And Bill is sitting on his hands while Mal nicks some of his ideas. Bill still thinks he won the last bout on points just like Jeff Horn (who actually did). At the international level we could hardly wait for the meeting between Don the Equivocator and Vlad the Impaler. Your correspondent would have liked to have been amongst the press corps for that much-touted shirt fronting but the editor wouldn’t spring for the cost. Which is odd because he said I can go to Pyongyang any time I like. Ah well, another report from Mahogany Ridge coming up.

The captain welcomed our guests, Len Ivey from the Coast and Joanne and Sebastian Bach from Leipzig. Ted Evans reported on a classy wedding in Queanbeyan. Even the shotgun was painted white.

Winners & Grinners

The googly ball went to Lofty Mason for his feat of hitting four trees from the tee. You don’t get golf like that in the city. The dummy spit was awarded to Bernard Tomic for failing to put up with the crushing boredom of Wimbledon. Deb Gordon took out the encouragement award by walking the nine hole course with one of those walking sticks you can sit on.

Tim, Alex & Paul

LD and NTP ball winners were Alex Gordon 3 (Alex also won the NAGA. Hmm…), Ken Gordon 2, Charles Guscott, Larry King, Len Ivey and Paul Griffin. Winner of the junior nine hole comp was Madison Gordon (they’re all over the place aren’t they?) with 75 off the stick for a handicap-adjusted 40. The senior nine hole comp winner was Larry King 44/20, from Lofty Mason 50/37, with daylight 3rd. Charles Guscott took out first place in the 18 hole comp with 37 Stableford points from Pete Harrison 34 points, there followed by Len Ivey 32 points.

Next month’s comp will be sponsored by the Tradies, those clever clogs adept with hammers and screwdrivers and such. Join us at the community hall at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm ICBM fired by our old mate, Kim Wrong-un.

Larry King, golfer

June Competition Results

Sunday, 4 June. Winter. But that didn’t prevent a number of the region’s hardy denizens with reasonable hand-eye coordination from gathering at the community hall for the Wamboin Winter Whack sponsored by Matt O’Brien and Kevin Rowe. We thank both those ornaments of the local bush fire brigade for the prizes and eats at the 19th. And talking about prizes, you’ll never guess who agreed to present them this month. No, not Margaret Court. Someone less controversial—Schapelle Corby! At least we think it was Schapelle. We’re pretty sure we invited her, but the woman who turned up was covered from head to toe in a hessian bag. It could have been a case of mistaken identity, like when a humble KGB cipher clerk, Donalovitch Trumpski changed his name by deed poll (according to the FBI) and went on to become the Great Equivocator.


Back at Kerobokan-on-Bingley, your correspondent tried to get a few quotable quotes for the Whisper from our guest of honour– seeing how we’d scooped the mass media – but all she muttered was “in a minute” or “sixty minutes” or something and then she was off like a baggie of Acapulco Gold in the sun. The acting captain welcomed our guests, Logan Robinson, Emile and Gorgon Zola, as well as Ivan and Anna Felactic. Ted Evans played a game with everyone’s nick names.

Winners & Grinners

The googly ball went to Matt O’Brien for his breach of golfing etiquette by mendaciously falling over while another player was addressing the ball. In yet another travesty of justice your correspondent got the dummy spit award for complaining that he was struck by Deb Gordon’s ball. He was accused – get this – of misogyny and chauvinism. Bring back the glass ceiling, I say!

Paul & Kev

The encouragement award went to Alex Gordon for playing his first 18 hole comp. LD and NTP ball winners were Ken Gordon 3, Pete Harrison 2, Larry King, Joan Mason, Logan Beckett and Paul Griffin. The junior comp was won by Logan Beckett with 48 off the stick and 30 after adjustment for handicap. The nine hole comp was taken out by Lofty Mason 40/25 from Ian Picker 45/31, with the homicidal Deb Gordon 50/31 in third place. The winner of the 18 hole comp was Paul Griffin 80/60 from runner-up Pete Harrison 99/62, followed by Ken Gordon 74/64.

The sponsors of next month’s comp will be the Old Sailors and Airmen. So join us at the community hall on Sunday 2 July at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm blast off. The five new holes are still a bit raw but we understand that the cost of the landscaping will be covered by the flood of Chinese cash that’s washing around Australia at the moment – when we can prise some away from Malcolm and Bill.

Larry King, golfer

May Competition Results

Keith & Kathy

Sunday, 7 May 2017. A red letter day for the R & A Wamboin GC. We commissioned five new holes—eat your liver, Queanbeyan GC! The holes are on the property of Keith France and Kathy Handel who sponsored the day. Not their usual EOFY-add-10%-to-your-handicap nonsense but a genuine Stableford competition to welcome the new part of the course. We thank them not only for the prizes and refreshments but also their generosity in helping the club plan for the future by making their property available.


Back at the Hall after the usual four hours of elation, despondency and profanity, conversation turned to the vexing, and slightly worrying question of whether the darn old Trumpet would rain nukes on Kim Wrong-un, Grand Imperial Haircut of North Korea, and what it would mean for the rest of us. No one knew. And we soon lost interest when it was pointed out that Ponce de Leon was not only the first governor of Spanish Puerto Rico but also discovered Florida. No, your correspondent didn’t know that either. But it struck him forcibly, if sadly, that you rarely ever meet anyone called Ponce these days. When was the last time this august journal of record reported that ”raw-boned loose forward, Ponce O’Shaunessy, scored two tries in the Mudchooks’ victory over the Bushpigs”? Or “William Ponce McGillicuddy was arrested in Norton Road for being six times over the limit”? Or “young Ponce Smithsonian won the maths prize at Bungendore Primary”. It doesn’t happen does it? Whatever became of such grand old names? (Don’t write in. I’ve got a feeling we all know the answer.)

Winners & Grinners

After the captain welcomed our guests, Ponce and Viola di Gamba (just kidding), he complimented local cartographer, Neville “Mercator” Schroder for the beautiful maps of the new course which saved us from wandering, Moses-like, in the French wilderness. Ted Evans and his straight man then paid a moving tribute to two men, one sadly dead and one very much alive: the late John Clarke and the early Pete Harrison. The Googly Ball was thrown around a bit before it was awarded to the person who played three shots with Ken Gordon’s ball before returning it to him. The Dummy went to John Whitney for drawing attention to some of the blemishes on the new holes. His defence of “constructive suggestion” was deemed invalid under new rule 8: each complaint about the state of the course is penalised one beer to the greenkeeper. We all joined with Tim Barter in deploring the lapse in standards by the Wamboin Whisper in publishing obscene photos of horses. Where it would end, we asked.

Keith & Kathy

NTP and LD ball winners were Pete Harrison 3, Ken Gordon 2, John Whitney, Lofty Mason, Keith France, Vicki Still and Tim Barter. The junior winner was Phoebe Beckett. The 9 hole comp was taken out by Lofty Mason with 17 Stableford points from Larry King on 14 and Joan Mason on 12. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Pete Harrison 40 on a count back from John Whitney. Our moral crusader, Tim Barter, was 3rd on 38. Join us at the Wamboin Community Hall next month on Sunday, 4 June at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm pyrotechnic when we once again bring first class golf to the region. Meanwhile try this on your friends: What’s the difference between POTUS and the US fauna emblem? Answer: They’re both bald but one hides it better than the other.

Larry King, golfer

April Competition Results

Sunday 2 April 2017. The Masters. Not that cheap, tawdry thing they have in Augusta GA, but the real thing – the Wamboin Mini Masters, famed in song and story. In case you’re unfamiliar with this great sporting event, here’s how it works.


Of the 18 picturesque holes of this PGA status course, only six are in play: Firebreak Five, Pine Slice, Short-and-Sweet, Saddle Up, Ron’s Dam (or damn) Hole and Shep’s High Drive. All players—men, women, children, domestic animals and passing aliens—play those holes then return to the Hall where the tournament officials determine who has made the cut. Then we play the same holes again to sort out who wears the Grimy Jacket.


Got it? But wait, there’s more! At the Hall the novelty shots are played, viz: closest to the pin standing on a tyre, a ramp, in a sand box and with one arm. (No, not simultaneously, you idiot!) Everyone must do this. No churlish backsliding is accepted. The hilarity engendered defies description.


The day, a beautiful mild Autumn one, was sponsored by the Wamboin Community Association. We thank that august body for the prizes and refreshments. And we acknowledge the catering skills of acting president, Peter Evans. The acting captain welcomed our guests, Scott and Lila Mason, on the chicken run from the big circular wind ‘oop North. The Googly Ball went to Cyclone Debbie (Deb Gordon) after it was taken off Charles Guscott for spitting the dummy having played the shot of lifetime on a hole not in play! Ted Evans resolved that age-old issue of how long is a piece of string: if you cut off both ends it’s endless. While club officials sorted out the scores, we all marvelled at the startling, new QPR logo, based on the Rorschach Test. (Not to be confused with the Raw Prawn Test.) Your correspondent blushes to admit to what he sees when he looks at it. Anyway, congratulations to our hard-working Administrator, Mr Timothy Working Trousers, for thinking it up.

Winners & Grinners

But now the results. Encouragement awards went to Lila Mason and Phoebe Beckett. The Pitching Comp winners were: NTP ramp, Scott Mason 1.7 metres; NTP tyre, Scott Mason 6.4m; NTP one hand, Scott Mason 6.6m (he’s very good with one hand); NTP bunker, Tim Barter 5.3m and best overall (not Tim) pitcher with an aggregate 24.7m - yes, you guessed it. The handicap comp winner was Pete Harrison with 71 strokes for a net 45 from runner-up, the ubiquitous Scott Mason 55/46. The junior master was Mads Gordon with 48 strokes over six holes. The Masters runner-up was Tim Barter on 51. And as the hautboys and sackbuts sound an alarum it can be revealed that the 2017 Wamboin Master, resplendent in a jacket of indefinite hue, is Ken Gordon on 50 strokes.

Next month the day will be sponsored by the Ancient Mariners and Sky Pilots Association so please join us at the Wamboin Community Hall on Sunday 7 May at 12.15pm for the usual 12.30pm start. Meanwhile, to set the record straight, your correspondent did not say that the White House was occupied by an underclass of social degenerates led by a lying guttersnipe. I just thought it. Alright, sometimes I think out loud. But, either way, they can’t do you for thinking. Yet.

Larry King, golfer.

March Competition Results


Mahogany Ridge, Marlin Hotel, Ulladulla, Sunday, 5 March. “I had written her a letter which I had, for want of better knowledge, sent to where I’d met her down Maroubra years ago. She was surfing when I knew her so I sent the letter to her just on spec addressed as follows – Nancy of the Undertow.” Those immortal words of Mandolin Paterson (cousin of Banjo) steal into the vacant spaces of your correspondent’s alleged mind as he sits here nursing one of Dr Resch’s fine neck oils and contemplating the pellucid waters of this attractive coastal town’s fine harbour. Meanwhile two great sporting events were taking place on either side of the continent. In the Golden West, Rocky Burnett’s coalition parties were playing extreme politics. In the East the fit and toned athletes of the QPR were engaged in the extreme golf of the Wamboin Mad March competition. Rocky went down in a screaming heap. Even an appeal to the DRS didn’t help. It confirmed that (a) he’d been at the crease too long and (b) he shouldn’t have done his Faustian preferences deal with Pauline’s Onanist Nation.

Winners & Grinners

Back East we were faring better. For starters, the day was sponsored by the finely-tuned members of the Gordon family who provided the prizes and the food for which we thank them from the bottom of our hearts or thereabouts. The captain welcomed our guests, Ted Evans from the thriving metrolops of Greater Queanbeyan, and the Gorhams all the way from Boorowa (where Barnaby Joyce is relocating the Australian Wheat Board).


The Googly Ball was awarded to the female members of the Beckett and Gordon families for reasons which will remain obscure but which, I am assured, do not raise questions of misogyny or sexism. The Dummy Spit went to a young gentleman we shall identify only by his name, Alex Gordon. The encouragement award (junior 9 holes) was presented to Phoebe Beckett while a similar award (seniors 18 holes) went to Rob Gorham for getting out of bed. NTP and LD ball winners were Ken Gordon x 3, Matt O’Brien x 2, Tim Barter x 2, Pete Harrison, Alex Gordon and Rob Gorham. The longest drive for a drink was won by Marylou Gorham. The junior comp winner (9 holes) was Madison Gordon with 65 off the stick for an adjusted 23 (and they reckon the handicapper isn’t an old softie!). The seniors 9 hole comp was taken out by Ken Gordon 36/31 from his close personal friend, Deb Gordon 53/35. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Tim Barter75/59 from runner-up Matt O’Brien 103/66 with Pete Harrison in 3rd place on 108/70. Tim’s mojo was really working: his 75 off the stick makes him a contender for the course record, subject to checking club historical documents.

Next month – April, in case you’ve been drifting – will see the annual struggle for the grey (formerly green) jacket as the region’s golfers vie for the famous Wamboin Mini Masters. You are cordially invited to join us at the community hall at 12.15pm on Sunday 2 April for the 12.30pm kick off. In the meantime, isn’t our flash new supermarket on the Kings Highway the ant’s pants? They should put up a great big neon sign with an equally flash name chosen by public competition. To start the ball rolling your correspondent suggests Bungendore’s BIGA IGA. Keep those entries flooding in!

Larry King, golfer

February Competition Results

Greenwood's Ruins

Sunday 5 February 2017. A very hot day. 35 Celsius in the shade of a barbed wire fence. But a steady breeze over a healthy sweat had a kind of evaporative effect so the plucky golfers of the region sucked it up as they contested the Wamboin February Stableford. The day was sponsored by the Whitney and Schroder families to whom we extend our gratitude for the prizes and food at the 19th.

Hotel 19

Back at the community hall we stood around comparing our Australia Day gongs. Did you get one? Your correspondent’s must be in the mail – which bothers him a bit because that nice but underpaid Mr Ahab Fervour, the Australia Post CEO, got his already. I think it was for delivering a postal service slightly faster than Cobb & Co but slower than the Pony Express. And it explains why I didn’t get my invitation to the Incarceration Ball in DC (as we Deplorables call the epicentre of power-without-purpose) in honour of the old “alternative fact” machine himself, President Donald Trumpet. But I was buoyed by the news that my old mate, David Sodey, the lisping former CEO of Telstra, got a gong too. (Can’t remember what got him across the line.) Go Dave! All consumers of information and communications technology salute you. Good to see that Bungendore pastry chef, Cosi Panini, was made our Australia Day local hero. Cosi is starting his own political party, the Australian Preservatives, which will give a voice to those otherwise disenfranchised people who make conserves and stuff like that. Break a leg, Cosi!

Winners & Grinners

After the captain welcomed our guest, Tony Fitzgerald, Ted Evans and his straight man injected an air of cabaret with some ancient golf stories. Deb Gordon was awarded the Googly Ball for enjoying the day without the usual encumbrances. The Dummy was passed around between Lofty Mason—who complained that because he played early in the morning to avoid the heat of the day he missed out being a ball winner—to Tim Barter who whined about ripping his finger on the fence at Ron’s Dam Hole (what a big girl’s blouse!). NTP and LD winners (sadly not including Lofty) were Tim Barter 4 (!), Tony Fisher 2, Matt O’Brien 2, Ken Gordon and Larry King. Third place getter in the 9 hole comp was Deb Gordon with 17 Stableford points, 2nd OCB Lofty Mason also 17, 1st Ken Gordon 19. (John Whitney scored 21 but being a sponsor was deemed by tradition to be ineligible for a prize.) Third in the 18 hole comp was Pete Harrison 32, 2nd Matt O’Brien 34 and the winner was Tim Barter 37. Well done, all!

Next month will feature the Mad March Hare competition so we’re hoping that Australia’s acknowledged master of the brainfart, Bud Abbott MP, will present the prizes. So join us at 12.15pm on Sunday 5 March for the 12.30 pm cannon. Meanwhile, keep your paddle clean and bright.

Larry King, golfer

January Competition Results

New Year’s Day in the 2,017th year of the Current Era. Your correspondent will not lie to you (see below for plausible explanation). As he teed up for the Wamboin New Year Spectacular he was feeling decidedly spare to capacity as the result of a convivial New Year’s Eve. The tongue was swollen, the mouth was dry, the eyes were gritty and the hand was shaking. But we of the QPR are made of tough stuff so he valiantly fought the reflux and soldiered on. The day was sponsored by Dave and Jane Hubbard of Wiyagiba Trading (a free burial at sea if you can pronounce it) to whom we extend our thanks for the refreshments and the prizes. In keeping with the prevailing weather conditions the January comp is restricted to the ten holes along Bingley Way. By tradition, Hubbards' day is supposed to be a three- stick Ambrose. But the Captain stuffed up the message so most of us played stroke. Still, it was a joy to see Nev Schroder putting with his driver (and sinking them!).


Back at the Hall the tetchy bickering between the Captain and Mr Hubbard continued ad nauseum until the crowd grew restless and began talking amongst themselves. And what we discussed, of course, were our New Year’s resolutions. Here are mine. 1, I will not vote for the Communist Party (I think I’m safe here. I’ve never done so before and there is no foreseeable reason why I should). 2, I will extol the virtues of President Trump (and I will too as soon as they are vouchsafed to me). 3, I will consume more sugar (the way science progresses I think sugar is due for a good rap and I’ve always wanted to be ahead of the trend). 4, I will always speak well of our political leaders (they’re just a group of misunderstood people doing the best they can in our interests). 5, I will write the absolute unvarnished truth in this august journal of record (I admit I’ve stretched it a bit in the past but those days are over). Only time will tell if I can live up to those high ideals.

Winners & Grinners
Dave & Pete

The Googly Ball went to Tim Barter for his role as a gondolier in a romantic night on Lake Burley Griffin (named after Paul Griffin’s stout Aunt Burley). The Dummy Spit was tossed back and forth between our Captain, Peter Greenwood, and Dave Hubbard. A right pair of tossers. It was like watching Obama and Putin. Ted Evans sent in a story about golf in heaven. The encouragement award was taken out by Lila Mason. NTP and LD ball winners were Nev Schroder 2, Larry King 2, Pete Harrison 2, Paul Griffin 2, Joan Mason and Tim Barter. Sixth place in the day’s ten hole competition was Joan Mason with a net 38, 5th Lofty Mason 36, 4th Scott Mason 34, 3rd Paul Griffin 34 OCB, runner-up was Tim Barter 33 and the winner was Pete Harrison 30.

The February comp will be sponsored by the Whitney and Schroder families. Do join us at 12.15pm on Sunday 5 February for the 12.30pm getaway.

Meanwhile, may 2017 be a year of unutterable boredom compared with the shenanigans, outrages and atrocities of the previous year in which, with some shining exceptions, personkind failed to distinguish itself from its atavistic, Darwinian progenitors.

Larry King, golfer


December Competition Results

The Christmas Cup


Sunday, 4 December 2016. A warmish day which may have accounted for the smallish but selectish crowd that turned up for the Christmas Comp. Your correspondent would have thought that the predicted daytime temperature of 33 Celsius as pleasant enough. But then he is an optimist: his glass is half full (except when it's completely full or empty or at any other level). Mind you, it strains facial muscles to keep that optimistic smile on your face these days. With the economy tanking, the decision of our jovial PM, Malcolm Turmoil, to rule out an emissions intensity scheme (whatever that is), Australian kids getting dumber – except, of course, in the good old QPR (and Sutton), the Wallabies getting cleaned up by the Poms (again!) and our cricketers beaten by everyone but New Zealand (who are mourning the loss of their own top notch PM, John Quay (known to his friends as "Circular"), the rictus is starting to hurt. But just as one reaches for the knotted rope and the rusty razor one calls to mind Sir Mick the Dagger becoming a father again, cheerleading getting a go at the Olympics (can't wait for that), the Kangaroos sweeping the rugby league field and a chap feels fine once more. Especially about Mick who'll be over 90 when the kid's eligible to vote – if he makes it (Mick I mean, not the kid). And I'll bet Keef will still be going strong.

Winners & Grinners
Pete, Ned & Michael

The day's sponsors were Michael and Deborah Fileman and Rob and Penny Gibson. We sincerely thank all four for the provender and the prizes. Ted Evans made the pilgrimage from our regional hub to report on how a newly-wed golfer was able to correct is wife's hook. The Googly Ball was scooped up by Joan and Lofty Mason for their starring role in The Attack of the Killer Plovers who are raising chicks on the oval. The Dummy Spit Award went to top sportsman and maths wizard, Alex Gordon, for chucking a rolling tanty for five of nine holes. (And I wasn't there. There is a God!) LD and NTP ball winners were Tim Barter x 3, Ken Gordon x 2, Deb Gordon, Paul Griffin, Pete Harrison and Lofty Mason. The junior comp was won by newly-appointed Sutton Primary prefect, Madison Gordon with 74 strokes for a net 31 after handicap. Runner-up was her cranky brother Alex on 61/32. The nine hole camp went to Deb Gordon 49/29 on a count back from Lofty Mason 44/29. The 18 hole comp was taken out by Tim Barter 83/67 from Paul Griffin 88/69. The NAGA Award was won by Pete Harrison 119/72 who regained the coveted Ned Kelly Trophy (made of genuine concrete).

Party Time

Our next golf day will be held in 2017. Sunday, 1 January to be precise. So lay off the singing syrup the night before. The New Year's Day comp will be sponsored by Jane and Dave Hubbard of Wyagiba Trading. We look forward to seeing you at the Hall at 2.15pm (not the usual 12.30pm start) for the traditional shot gun start, the event being played over 10 holes in deference to the warmer summer weather. Meanwhile, on behalf of the R & A Wamboin Golf Club your correspondent wishes you a Merry Christmas and all the best for the coming year which looks like being a tough one, not least because of the apparent stasis and inertia on the part of our learned leaders. My old mate, M T Cicero, would sum it up thus: Quo usque tandem abutere, Malcolmus, patientia nostra? Look it up. It'll give you something else to do over the festive season.

Larry King, golfer

November Competition Results

The 31st Wamboin Open

Sunday 6 November, Wamboin Open day. A beautiful, mild, early Summer’s day which brought golfers in their thousands – or thereabouts – to the fray. Naturally, the crowd was agog with the amazing developments in the US presidential campaign. Who would have thought you could rent the FBI? Regular readers of this column will know that your correspondent, a renowned psephologist (the P is silent – as in surfing) has for many months been predicting a landslide victory for Donald Trumpet. Oh yes, he has! What you don’t know is the remarkable connection the Donald has with our region, viz: that he acquired his distinctive hairstyle right here in the QPR. When he and the beautiful Melaria came out here on their honeymoon Don’s rapidly receding hair, fluttering in a stiff Wamboin breeze, attracted the attention of a semi arboreal marsupial of the family Phalangeridae, otherwise known as the common brushtail possum. Long story short, Donny and the possum have been inseparable ever since. He refers to it as the GOP (Grand Old Possum) and wears it on his head on every occasion.

What’s this got to do with the Wamboin Open, I hear you cry. Well, buckle up and come for the ride because it turns out that in a deal brokered by Don-boy and our own decisive and charismatic PM, local golfer and stone mason, Mick Buonarroti, has been appointed to take the asylum seekers on Nauru and Manus to the US where they will build a wall along the Mexican border: two problems solved simultaneously.

Meanwhile back at Trumpet Tower on Bingley Way the captain welcomed our guests Craig Bradley and Peter Kelly and thanked the club for providing the food and prizes. The Googly Ball went to your correspondent who arrived just in time to play the 19th, having spent a long weekend fishing in the mountains (watch for separate report). Len Ivey spat the dummy but we don’t know why considering his result (read on). LD and NTP ball winners were Rob Gibson x 2, Ken Gordon, John Whitney, Lofty Mason, Charles Guscott and Craig Bradley. Junior Champion was Logan Beckett with 45 off the stick for a net 29, from Madison Gordon with 75/32 on a count back. The encouragement award for juniors was awarded jointly to Alex Gordon and Logan Robinson. The annual eclectic for nine holes was won by Ken Gordon net 27 from Lofty Mason 28.5. The 18 hole eclectic winner was Charles Guscott net 57, closely followed by Pete Harrison 58.


As John Philip Sousa strikes up the band we can announce that the 2016 club champions (net scores) are: nine holes 3rd Deb Gordon 51/30, 2nd Michael Fileman 45/29, champion Rob Gibson 38/28; 18 holes 3rd Keith France 81/62, 2nd Charles Guscott 82/60, champion Paul Griffin 81/60 OCB. And as the pipes and drums of Her Majesty’s Loyal Burpers join in we can reveal to the world that the 2016 Ladies Open Champion (nine holes) is Joan Mason with 42 strokes and the 2016 Men’s Open Champion is Len Ivey with 76 off the stick. Congratulations to our worthy winners and all the enthusiastic sportspeople who took part.

Join us on Sunday 4 December for the Christmas Comp. Be at the community hall at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm start. Wear a sprig of mistletoe and remember – it’s only a game. Larry King, deplorable golfer

October Competition [Non-]Results

Sunday, 2 October 2016. Well, smuggle me budgies! What a beautiful day it was. A fine, bright day. A great day for sitting around in your undies drinking from your shoe or just fishing for navel lint and solving the world’s problems. Or maybe oiling your brand new 7-shot Adler and wondering if we’ll ever get back the Bledisloe Cup. Or just doing a little macramé or cross stitch. Because golf was out of the question after the late September deluge.

The politically aware were still discussing the debate in that great big reality TV theme park, the United States of Disneyland, between Donald Duck (wearing a Davy Crockett hat) and Minnie Mouse (wearing a fixed smile). Those who prefer a bit more body contact in their sport were talking about the two grand finals over that weekend. First there was that weird four sticks game played by the southern socialists down Mexico way. But more relevant to us in Bungendore Tiger land was the NRL decider. Turns out we were all going for Cronulla despite their appropriation of the Viking Clap (not to be confused with a Scandinavian STD). But the real breaking news for the golfers of the QPRC was (a) the death of our patron saint, Arnold Palmer, and (b) the invitation to the R & A (Rural & Agricultural) Wamboin from the R & A (Rustic & Agrarian) Braidwood to attend the Braidwood Diggers Day Ambrose on Saturday, 12 November. Put it in your diary.

After the greens committee ruled out play to protect the course, disappointed golfers gathered at the community hall to attack the 19th. They were disappointed because the Oktoberkomp is the traditional occasion when you play as badly as you can to ensure a higher handicap for the Wamboin Open in November—an example of the low, bucolic cunning typical of the natives of this region. The day’s sponsors, L & L King, provided the solid refreshments for which we thank them. Ted Evans travelled out from Queanbeyan to provide his usual report on golfing matters elsewhere.

The Googly Ball went to that ex-parliamentary thrill-seeker, Wyatt Earp MP (retd) for his starring role in Gunfight at the IS Corral, a low budget indie shot entirely on location in Iraq. The Dummy Spit Award was given to Donald Duck for refusing to pay any income tax to the US IRS since 1996 on the grounds that he was a billion dollars in the hole after various businesses had “crapped out”—as they used to say in his failed casino.

If you’ve been concentrating you’ll have picked up that next month will feature the Wamboin Open. You are most welcome to join us at the hall in Bingley Way at 12.15pm on Sunday, 6 November for the prompt 12.30pm start. Queanbeyan players are reminded to wear a shirt. We have certain standards to uphold.

Larry King, golfer.

September Competition [Non-]Results

Sunday, 4 September. It was a beautiful, crisp, early Spring day. The golfers of this green and pleasant Local Government Area were preparing to contest the Wamboin Spring Trophy, sponsored by Joan and Lofty Mason. There was a spring in everyone’s step. All over the course springs were bubbling to the surface, courtesy of 44mm of overnight rain. After the captain declared the course to be unplayable, we all springed (or sprang, if you prefer) to our vehicles and headed for the community hall to play the only dry hole, the 19th.


Meanwhile at Jedi HQ, in a galaxy far, far away the Jedi Council was debating the decision of the ABS to leave no room on the census form to nominate religions alternative to those listed. “How can we possibly keep track of our 64,000 Jedi warriors in Australia?” said the big asthmatic guy with the black bucket on his head. “Teed off, no end, I am,” said the little green bloke with big ears, wearing a hessian bag. “Argghhh, arrgghh, arrgghhh!” said that tall hairy dude. “Someone put the dog out“, said Lemon Solo. And that, believe it or not, is why they sent Princess Lilo and Lukewarm Streetwalker to Earth to sort it out. Their first mistake was to disguise themselves as the Van Klomp family on a “magic mushroom” trip from Melbourne to Yass where they had the misfortune to run into Sam Dastardly, agent of a foreign power. China Sam referred them to his mates in the EW section of the Peoples Liberation Army. It was just bad luck that Lukewarm stuffed up a promising DoS campaign by sticking his laser sabre into the IBM mainframe which haemorrhaged in a dazzling display of blue lights.

Back at the Bingley Way Battle Star the Empire was striking back. Thanks to Joan and Lofty everybody won a prize and was fed beyond the dictates of gluttony on spring rolls and other goodies. The Googly Ball was awarded to special guest, Tanya Plebiscite, deputy leader of the Vogons, who is calling for a conscience vote on marriage equality. The Dummy Spit Award went to the Van Klomp family for their long range fustercluck.

Next month will feature the Oktoberfest Kompetition. Contestants will be restricted to three clubs and a beer stein. Join us at the hall on Sunday, 2 October at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm cannon. And if it’s a mild Spring day we can all go for a refreshing dip in any one of the swimming pools owned and operated by the Qantas Pilots Recreation Club—if they’re open. If not, you may join your correspondent in his back dam. And happy 90th birthday to Charlie Le Lievre!

Larry King, golfing Jedi

August Competition Results

Sunday 7 August, River of January, Brazil (where the nuts come from). That’s right, this report comes to you from South America—or it would if your correspondent was actually there. But the editor wouldn’t spring for the paltry sum he was asking to be our sports reporter in Rio. Never mind, haven’t we been doing well! At least the women have. A farmer’s daughter from Majors Creek, or somewhere very like it, has won the women’s crap shoot by making seven the hard way—with just one dice. And four girls from Bywong (I think) have won the pool competition by clearing the table in consecutive strokes. And now the Mudchicks have taken out the inaugural sevens rugby! Not to mention all those dirty brown medals we’re getting for not losing by much. And no “roids” or peptides amongst us and no “sewer inspectors” crawling through holes in the wall to change urine samples! How do we do it? I’ll tell you: it’s because our winning athletes all come from the Queen’s Park Rangers Collective, the healthiest region of Australia, under the benign and fatherly guidance of chef de mission, Mr T Working Trousers. I know what you’re thinking—it can’t get better than this. Yes it can, because the golf is yet to come.

Shep's High Drive

Now that all the Australian golfers whose names you can remember have been struck down by the VIKA virus, the AOC has called upon the Wamboin Golf Club (our motto: golfus rusticus fantasticus) to make up the members of the Australian team. We had the final practice session last Sunday. The day was sponsored by The Tradies—Don Evans, Trent Able and Henk Berlee—clever chaps who can measure things correctly and use electric powered thingummies. We thank them for the prizes and eats including Henk’s legendary pea and ham soup. It was a mild, slightly overcast afternoon, still sodden underfoot from our record wet winter. To prepare us for Rio conditions we had to add to the surface water the contents of a couple of septic tanks, a few body parts and the odd wheelie bin of household garbage.

Winners & Grinners
Don & Penny Don & Paul

Back at the Copacabana the acting captain welcomed one and all with a few well-chosen words in Portuguese. The Googly Ball went to Dave Hubbard who had to pull out of the Olympic golf team with a perforated bowel. This, it was noted by one sensitive soul, was poetic justice—for the first time in his life he was a pain in his own arse. (Sorry for that low level course language. Some Wambonians can be quite crude.) Your correspondent moved a motion of no confidence in the absent captain who underwent surgery on Friday, was up and walking on Saturday and could have presented himself for play on Sunday. The motion failed for want of a seconder—the captain is also the handicapper and no one wanted to spoil their chances for the Open in November. In view of such craven perfidy your correspondent had no option but to spit the dummy. There were of course NTP and LD ball winners but unfortunately no records were kept (tsk, tsk!). The 9 hole comp was taken out by Penny Gibson with 57 off the stick for a net 25; 2nd was Lofty Mason 44/29; 3rd Madison Gordon 75/30 (promoted to the seniors just for the day – I hope). The 18 hole comp was won by Paul Griffin 84/63 from Tim Barter 82/66 with Keith France 3rd on a count back 90/71.

Next month will be officially Spring. This means the Wamboin Spring Trophy will be contested when we get back from Rio. Join us at 12.15pm for the 12.30 pm start on Sunday 4 September. Don’t miss Joan’s spring rolls at the 19th. Adeus e melhores desejos!

Larry King, jogador de golfe

July Competition Results

Wonderful Wamboin

Sunday, 3 July 2016; a perfect day for golf spoilt by the election party hangover and the absence of our sponsors, Keith France and Kathy Handel, stuck in Mt Isa or Longreach. At least we didn’t have to calculate the additional ten per cent they normally insist we tack on to our handicaps to celebrate the anniversary of the fair and reasonable GST. The shire’s famous community spirit was much in evidence as we scrambled to make good the deficiency in food and prizes. Our thanks to all who rustled up the eats and an array of potable prizes. A feature of the groaning board were the classy toilet paper serviettes.

Back at the Tally Room the acting Captain welcomed our visitors, Simon and Marie Barter, Margaret Hammond, Scott and Lila Mason, Jobson Grothe and Putin Peiplefurst (all the way from Russia). It was no surprise that the talk was dominated by the franchise we had exercised the previous day. It was noted that during the great social media debate between the leaders of the major parties someone asked Malcolm Turnbull how significant to the nation was Saturday 2 July. And Mal said, quick as a flash, it’s the day before the golf at Wamboin. Straight up. True as your correspondent's underpants carry two sets of DNA.

Well, polling day has come and gone and the contest for the electorate of Holden Monaro has been won by Khaki Kelly (PhD, Alligator U), resplendent in full “cammo”, contemptuously kicking IUDs off the road side. A search party is still out looking for Hidin’ Hendy, the Howard Hughes of federal politics. However, these events, dramatic as they are, have been overshadowed by a cunning, last-minute plan, hatched by Former-Mayor-in-Perpetuity, Pete "Boris" Harrison, to call for a plebiscite on whether we should remain in the Palereanbeyan Union—the so-called Palerexit. Scottish rate-payers are said to be up in arms!

Winners & Grinners

Ted Evans presented his report on the use of performance enhancing drugs by Wamboin golfers but it has since been rejected by ASADA on the grounds the VB and Coopers are permitted fluid loss adjusters. As it happens, your correspondent cannot recall the names of the LD and NTP ball winners due to the effects of said fluid loss adjusters. The encouragement award, nonetheless, went to Margaret Hammond and Tony Fisher.

The Gay Gordons

The 9 hole comp place-getters were: 1st Deb Gordon with 20 Stableford points, 2nd Alex Gordon 19, 3rd Ken Gordon 17 (well done Gordons!). The winner of the 18 hole comp was Vicki Still 37 from Charles Guscott 36 with Neville Schroder 3rd on 34.

Next month our sponsors will be the tradies—blokes with complicated tools who make and fix things. Join us at 12.15pm for the usual 12.30pm kick off on Sunday 7 August for as much fun as you can have standing up. Meanwhile spare a thought for the poor sod who becomes the nation’s PM. Who’d want the job! A poisoned chalice in one hand and a sh*t sandwich in the other.

Larry King, golfer and voter.

June Competition Results

Steve & Ruth

Mahogany Ridge, Sunday, 5 June 2016. Outside, Huey was throwing it down by the bucketful. The legendary Wamboin golf course was wetter than Harold Holt's flippers. The Captain called off the first 18 holes, leaving only one left to play. With fire raging and rain doing a clog dance on the roof of the Community Hall the Captain gracefully thanked our sponsors, Steve and Ruth Lambert for providing solid and liquid fuel. Remarkably, everyone scored a prize of the famous Lambert Vineyards bottled goods, even the many non-golfers who just turn up for the fellowship.

Conversation inevitably turned to the greatest geopolitical development since the fall of the Berlin Wall, i.e. viz and to whit: the creation of the Peoples Republic of the Greater Palereanbeyan Conurbation. Yes, folks, despite the Herculean efforts of our champion State member, Seve Bolero, to defend our independence we are sliding like Jonah into the gaping maw of the Queanbeyan whale. At least we'll have three golf courses. And continuing stability is assured because Premier Beard has appointed Queanbeyan supremo, Mr Timothy Working Trousers, to run the show (much like a feudal baron) until new Council elections next year. And you thought an eight-week federal election campaign too long and boring!

Fine Wine

The Googly Ball went to Pete Harrison who will forever remain the Mayor of the former Palerang Shire—and thus entitled to the dole, horse-drawn transport and meals-on-wheels for life. The Dummy Spit was awarded to those councillors who refused to accept with becoming grace the treachery of the Sydney silvertails. Nearest the pin and longest drive were both won by Mr Working Trousers for (a) scoring the top job and (b) agreeing to drive all the way to Braidwood for Council meetings.

Councils come and Councils go but golf goes on forever. Join us at the Community Hall at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm start on Sunday 3 July for the traditional EOFY shemozzle when sponsors Keith France and Kathy Handel (a name which opens many doors) will insist we add 10% to our handicaps to celebrate the glorious GST anniversary. Meanwhile, a local psychiatrist, Sigmund Shakespeare, has recommended we should stiffen our sinews, summon up the blood and disguise fair nature with hard-favoured rage. Or maybe just suck it up and do our best to load the Queanbeyan Council next year.

Larry King, golfer and potential branch stacker.

May Competition Results

Sunday, 1 May 2016. Much to their disgust, the vestigial Wamboin Communist Party were severely outnumbered by a fair swag of Palerang's bourgeoisie plus a sprinkling of the Queanbeyan proletariat who clocked in at the Community Hall for the May Day Golf Komintern.

On the tee at the 4th

The day was sponsored by former members of the ADF, mainly from the Senior Service, so naturally the talk turned to our new submarines and whether they'd be safe for our intrepid matelots. It was noted by local boilermaker and former sea dog, ADM Horry Nelson (ret 'd) that there are more aeroplanes in the sea than submarines in the sky. We all felt much better.

On the 'green' at the 4th

That is, until the terrible news filtered through that after days of turmoil the Mudchooks board had agreed to grease the skids under their CEO to the tune of almost a million dollars. This explains why they can't afford to pay their IT support to update the website. The former CEO, referred to in court as "Mr Jones"—clearly an alias—has agreed to withdraw legal action against the Board but a statement of claim has been filed in Queanbeyan District Court against the University of Bungendore and certain other parties. At least it hasn't affected our team's on field prowess. Bird is the word!

Back at the Bingley Way Winter Palace the Commissar welcomed our guests, Ted Evans (who spoke knowledgably about dingbats), Len Ivey from the South Coast and Rob and M-L Gorham from Boorowa. He gracefully thanked Paul and Diana Griffin for the eats and Tim Barter and Vicky Still for the prizes.

Winners & Grinners
9 Hole Comp Winenr

The googly ball was awarded to the person who took his friend to a Mudchooks home game the previous Saturday, based on old, unreliable information on the team's website. (A few beers at the Royal were a consolation.) Steve Lambert scored the dummy spit for again whingeing about his handicap. The encouragement award went to Tony Fisher for a score off the stick of 108 glorious strokes. NTP and LD ball winners were: Paul Griffin x 3, Terry Fitzgerald x 2, Steve Lambert, Ken Gordon, Joan Mason, Tony Fisher and Tim Barter.

18 Hole Comp Winenr

The junior comp was taken out by Taylor Miners. The 9 hole comp placegetters were: 3rd Steve Miners—father of Taylor and thus known as Major Miners (not to be confused with iron ore miners, C Sharp minors, Morris Minors or coal seam gas miners (those/racking miners !)—with 43 off the stick for a net 34 (his best yet); 2nd OCB Steve Lambert 45/34; 1st Larry King 45/32. The 18 hole camp placegetters were: 4th (stay with me) John Whitney 87/71; 3rd Charles Guscott 90/70; 2nd Len Ivey 82/69 and equal first were Tim Barter and Paul Griffin both on a net 65. But as regular followers of golf played in heaven know, as sponsors they were ineligible for a prize.

Next month our sponsors will be Steve and Ruth of Lambert Vineyards. Feel free to join us on Sunday, 5 June at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm shotgun start. Meanwhile we'll keep the red flag flying here!

Larry King, golfer and capitalist running dog.

April Competition Results

The Wamboin Mini Masters

This report comes to you from the British Virgin Islands where your correspondent is transferring his multi-billion dollar tax evasion—oops! I meant avoidance—accounts. Then he's going to sue his former solicitors, those shysters Mossack Fonseca, for criminal negligence in allowing details of his Panamanian transactions to be revealed. Is nothing sacred? It's not as though the money was all mine: I'm just the front man for 799 wealthy Palerangians using perfectly legitimate ways to sidestep the Australian fiscal fiend. So what if a few million stick to my fingers on the way through? You have a bad day; why should I have a bad day?


But I digress. The topic at hand is golf. Specifically the annual Wamboin Mini Masters. (At time of writing there's another Masters going on somewhere but we don't think it'll attract as much attention.) Simple rules: play six holes specified by the committee; return to the Community Hall to see who's made the cut; then play the same six holes again—whether you've made the cut or not (cruel!); then play the novelty NTP pitching hole on the oval: from a short ramp, standing on a tyre, from a T-ball stand, from a sand box. Got the picture? It's all Deadly Serious as you can see. The day was sponsored by the Wamboin Community Association who provided refreshments of divers kinds for which we thank them from the bottom of our hearts (and that, folks, is not a Spoonerism).

Hi-tee & champers

Knee deep

Winners & Grinners

Back at the Community Hall the Googly Ball was awarded to KRNC Developments for operating without a vowel. And, of course, the Dummy Spit went to Woolies. Best not to disclose who did or didn't make the cut, it might result in too many calls to Lifeline and Beyondblue. The names of the placegetters can, should and will be made public. First the pitching competition: from the ramp, Scott Mason, 2.1metres from the hole; from the tyre Scott again, 1m from the hole (he should always use a tyre—your correspondent has been carrying one for years); from the hi tee, Alex Gordon 6.2m; from the bunker, Dave Hubbard 9.66m. WCA President, Jenny Richards, presented the Handicap and Masters Prizes. Handicap winner was Dave Wagg with 58 off the stick for a net 42; runner-up was Dave Hubbard 59/43; 3rd Larry King 63/45.

The fabled Green Jacket

And now the biggie! The Wamboin Mini Master for 2016 is Tim Barter with 51 off the stick. And how ducky he looked in the Greenish Jacket with the cuffs up to the elbows. Well done, Tim! Runner-up was Paul Griffin on a count back from Neville Schroder, both on 55. Our congratulations to all and our thanks to our sponsors, to the officials who coped courageously with the new technology installed by Nev Schroder and the pitching comp marshals, Charles Guscott and Tim Barter. Our next golf day will be on May Day (that's 1 May to you, Trotsky). We hope to see you all there at 12.15pm for the dependable 12.30pm start. And remember, the Workers' Flag is Deepest Red. So wear something red.

Larry King, golfer and IGA customer.

March Competition Results


Sunday, 7 March 2016. Despite an outside temperature which would melt the heart of a Cardinal, a reasonable number of golfers from the south eastern side of this desirable and hotly disputed shire gathered at the Wamboin Community Hall for the Mad March Hare Stableford, sponsored the Ken and Deb Gordon whom we thank for the bountiful spread and the prizes. This month we were honouring the memory of local accountant George Pell (not to be confused with that other chap). Not that our George is dead—far from it. He’s alive and kicking and has a doctor’s certificate to prove it. It’s just that his memory seems to have packed it in. The poor guy is getting the curly-lipped treatment from the leaking ventricle end of the media for being oblivious to everything else going on around him while doing the books for a large institution in Ballarat. Your correspondent can relate to George’s predicament: for 14 years your correspondent was the treasurer of the Wamboin Volunteer Bushfire Brigade and couldn’t understand why the crews kept coming back with singed eyebrows and covered in soot. But by golly the books were in apple pie order, I can tell you!

Winners & Grinners


Back at the Bingley Way Basilica we were again entertained by a golfing story from leading Queanbeyanite, Ted Evans, before the Googly Ball was awarded to Lofty Mason for a reason too embarrassing to mention. Your correspondent was given the Dummy Spit award for drawing attention to the tardiness of the prize presentations then leaving before the end. (He was roundly condemned for this churlish act.)

The encouragement award went to Raelene Beckett—mother of the month—who took the kids around the course while her layabout husband mollycoddled a so-called “injury”. LD and NTP ball winners were Charles Guscott x 3, Pete Harrison x 2, Paul Griffin, Joan Mason, Larry King and Tim Barter.


Junior comp winners were Logan Beckett from sister Phoebe. Nine hole comp place getters were Lofty Mason, first on 17 Stableford points from Joan Mason 16 points and Larry King 8 points (a lesson to us all: you don’t have to be able to play golf, to play golf). The 18 hole comp went to Tim Barter 39 points from Charles Guscott 36 and Pete Harrison 35.

Next month, April, is the cruellest month according to local bard, T S Eliot. Not sure what old T S meant by that—or anything else, for that matter. Nevertheless, the good news is that on Sunday, 3 April the Wamboin Community Association Mini Masters will again be staged. Join us at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm start to see if you can make the cut and wear home the Green Jacket. (Well, it used to be green but it’s gone kind of grey over the years.)

Larry King, golfer. Kind of...

February Competition Results

Mahogany Ridge, Sunday 7 February 2016. Local milk bar proprietor, Euclid Isosceles (The Three Sided Triangle – try their famous retsina milkshake), was having trouble with drunken skinheads from Queanbeyan until he purchased a shorn-off sot gun. Your correspondent raises this in passing because the R & A (Rural and Agricultural) Wamboin Golf Club is considering merger overtures from the Queanbeyan Golf Club. They want our peerless course and vast membership to swell their own ranks and finances. Public consultations have been held but – how can I put this without causing offence – we don’t want to lower the tone and lose our reciprocal rights with St Andrew’s, Royal Troon, Pebble Beach and Augusta National. Anyway, these were the solemn thoughts that occupied a reasonable number of athletic Palerangians as they lined up for the Wamboin February Challenge sponsored by the Schroder and Whitney families. Our thanks to them all for the eats and prizes.

Weeper's Green

Afterwards, back at the Hall over refreshments, discussion turned to the GST and how that clever Mr Turnbull won’t be taking an increase to the next election: he’ll probably bung it straight into the May Budget. We country folk also noted with regret the retirement of the amiable Warren Truss (known to his friends as “Surgical”) who has been replaced by the incomprehensible Irish novelist, James Joyce. The Captain welcomed our visitors, Randy and Brenda La Porte from Queensland via the USA.

Winners & Grinners

The Googly Ball went to Neville Schroder after a day of Dropsy: he dropped his phone (twice), his card, his G’s and H’s, his teeth and the head off his putter - and did not find it. Apparently no one spat the dummy, including Nev.

Prize Wine

NTP and LD ball winners were Ken Gordon x 2, Jason Beckett, Pete Harrison, Jack Whitney, Ian Picker, Charles Guscott, Tim Barter and Nev Schroder. Junior comp place getters were Logan Beckett first and Mads Gordon second. The 9 hole comp was taken out by Ken Gordon with 34 strokes for a net 29 after handicap. Second was Ian Picker 46/31 ocb from Jason Beckett 44/31 (if his handicap is not reduced there’ll be murder in the cathedral). The winner of the 18 hole comp was Pete Harrison 98/63 from Keith France second 84/65. Third place could not be awarded as it was occupied by a sponsor. Pete’s prize included a bottle of wine with the alluring label “Naked on Roller Skates”.

Please feel free to join us for the March golf day when our sponsors will be those Mad March Hares, Deb and Ken Gordon. We look forward to welcoming you on Sunday, 6 March at 12.15pm for the usual 12.30pm bounce of the ball. All Queanbeyanites welcome.

Larry King, golfer - and proud of it.

January Competition Results

Mahogany Ridge, Sunday, 3 January 2016. Whiskey! Tango! Foxtrot! It’s official. Those sons-of-bachelors in Sydney are going to tear us apart again!. It took your correspondent years to get used to being a Palerangian after being a Yarrowlumlian. And soon we’re going to be Queanbeyanites. It’s the end of the world! No wonder there was a despondent and sombre mood amongst the golfers who gathered for the fabled Wamboin New Year competition sponsored by Dave and Jane Hubbard of Wyagiba* Trading.

Your correspondent couldn’t make it. He was just too depressed. So your vicarious enjoyment of the event will again be third hand.


It was an Edgar Allen Poe sort of day, evoking memories of The Fall of the House of Usher. A cold wind blew, ruffling the feathers of the ravens and vultures which perched menacingly on the roof of the Community Hall while black and awesome clouds gathered above, as if portents of some great calamity. To lift flagging spirits Mr Hubbard reduced the number of clubs required to just three and the number of holes to just ten. But with a devilish twist of the knife he declared that play would be scored on the satanic Stableford system. And thus, with leaden feet, those men and women of a once proud Local Government Area set forth into the howling tempest knowing that we were all doomed. Doomed!


Back at the morgue, in an atmosphere as heavy as Dr Frankenstein’s laboratory, while the thunder and lightning crashed around (more volts, Igor!) the Googly Ball was awarded to Rick O’Shay (a.k.a. Keith France) for a trick shot which returned his ball. Neville Schroder scored the Dummy Spit for an uncharacteristic breach of golfing etiquette. The NTP and LD ball winners were announced: Paul Griffin 2, Pete Harrison 2, Keith France, Joan Mason, Lila Mason, Scott Mason, Stone Mason, Perry Mason, James Mason, Free Mason, Master Mason, Willie Mason (get a grip), Nev Schroder and Dave Hubbard. The junior comp winner was Lila Mason. The 10 hole comp was taken out by Pete Harrison with 29 Stableford points, second was Paul Griffin 25, with Matt O’Brien third on 22.


February’s competition will be held on Sunday, the 7th day of that month, when the sponsors will be the Schroder and Whitney families. We Queanbeyanites are a stoic bunch so I imagine that by then we will have staked the heart of the separation blues, donned our thongs and flannies and faced life anew with hope and confidence. See you at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm kick off.

Larry King, golfer and part-time Goth.

* A free burial at sea for the first person to offer the correct pronunciation.


December Competition Results
The Christmas Cup

Mahogany Ridge, Sunday, 6 December 2015. A very hot day for the Wamboin Christmas Cup. 30-something in the shade. The sort of day that encourages you to lie down in a darkened room sipping something cool. Instead you’re playing golf. Need I go on? I will any way. If you were to ask your correspondent how he coped with the conditions he would have to say what his North Korean friend said when asked how things are in the Hermit State: “I can’t complain”. And the reason he can’t complain is that, again, he wasn’t there! Long story involving his partner’s left knee. All you need to know now is that a goodly number of golfers from this putative adjunct to the Queanbeyan shire (cries of “shame!”) braved the sun, donned their gay apparel and ankled in for the Christmas competition, sponsored by Michael and Deborah Fileman and Rob and Penny Gibson. We thank all four for the prizes and sumptuous repast which eliminated the need for dinner.

At the 19th we welcomed visitor Vicki Still. We were also pleased to see Libby King (direct from the Mater in Sydney, complete with walking stick) as well as former regulars, Helen and Charles Montesin, who called in at the ‘halfway mark’ of their round Australia grey nomad trek. The question was asked how a return to Wamboin could be described as halfway. That churlish interrogative earned the questioner the Dummy Spit award. The Montesins were given the Googly Ball. And yes, Charlie cooked the barbeque at the Wamboin Christmas Carols. We wish them well when they set off gain. Ted Evans got the Encouragement Award for knowing where the Pakistani border was.

LD and NTP ball winners were Paul Griffin 2, Keith France 2, Pete Harrison, Ken Gordon, Deborah Fileman, Len Ivey (up from the Bay) and Rob Gibson. Junior comp winners were Alex and Madison Gordon, in that order. The nine hole comp was taken out by their father, Ken 36/31 ocb from sponsor Penny Gibson who, under Wamboin rules, cannot be awarded the prize. Second placegetter in the nine hole comp was Pete Harrison 50/31 with Deb Gordon third on 52/32 ocb. It was a good day for the Gordons. Tim Barter 81/66 took out the 18 hole comp ocb from Paul Griffin 88/66, there followed by Keith France 86/68.

Our next golf day (sponsored by Wyagiba Trading) won’t be until the New Year – 3 January 2016 to be precise – when we hope you resolve to join us at the Community Hall at 12.15pm for the usual 12.30 start.

Larry King, golfer and primary cherisher.

November Competition Results
The 30th Wamboin Open

Sunday 1 November 2015, Ste-Remy de Provence, France. Correct: this report comes to you from the picturesque Alpilles of southern France. Your correspondent blushes to admit that he is about to describe a competition he neither attended nor played in. But then many a brave war correspondent filed a breathless report from Mahogany Ridge. The subject occasion was the 30th Wamboin Open. It was a threatening, overcast day after overnight rain so the club’s Captain feared a wash out. (It was a beautiful day in Ste-Remy: we visited the fortified hill village of Les Baux.) But Palerangians come from sturdy stock and a fair-sized crowd of the shire’s sports men and women took the field. (Les Baux has known human habitation since pre-history but the fortifications are Medieval and originally intended as defence from the Saracens – which in the light of recent events has a certain bitter irony.) Mary-Lou Gorham won the googly ball for leaving Rob’s “special” googly ball at home and then went on to win the dummy spit because she was awarded the googly ball!! (Les Baux, by the way, is Old French for “the rocks”; the word bauxite is derived from it – but I don’t expect you to know that.)

After the blood-letting the food and prizes were provided by the Wamboin Golf Club – a wonderful example of your green fees at work. In the spirit of the times there was loose talk of increasing them by 50 per cent with compensation for pensioners and the disadvantaged. LD and NTP ball winners were Pete Harrison X 2, John Whitney X 2, Charles Guscott X 2, Paul Griffin, Ian Picker and Ken Gordon. The 2015 junior champion was Madison Gordon, with Alex Gordon runner-up. Winners of the annual Eclectic (try saying and spelling that after the second bottle) were: 9 holes Ken Gordon; 18 holes Tim Barter.


Club champion (net score) for 9 holes was Ian Picker 43/28 from runner-up Ken Gordon 36/31 with Rob Gibson in third place on 43/33. Club champion (net score) in the 18 hole event was Paul Griffin 85/61 from Rob Gorham 90/65 and Pete Harrison 107/70. The 2015 Ladies Open Champion (9 holes) is Deb Gordon 50 (and not looking a day over 40). And with a roll of the drums and a clash of the cymbals we can announce that the 2015 Open Champion (18 holes) is John Whitney with an 83. Our congratulation to our worthy winners and to all who took part in making this special day in the club’s history a memorable one.

Sunday 6 December will see the Christmas Cup golf day sponsored by Michael and Deborah Fileman. Oh come all ye faithful and join us at 12.15pm for the 12.30pm shotgun. Or as our bloodied but unbeaten French cousins say: Allons enfants de la Patrie…!

Larry King, golf correspondent. (Eat your liver, Hemmingway!)

October Competition Results

“I observed the placid, torpid waters of the dam with quiet satisfaction, knowing that I was right all along – that bloody putter could not swim!”

The paragraph above is your correspondent’s entry in the 2015 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest*. The words and sentiment owe much to the quality of his ‘short’ game in the Wamboin golf club’s October competition sponsored by partners-in-life, L + L King (absolutely marvellous people; you should meet them). But the less said the better. Let us pass on to happier thoughts. Sunday, 4 October was an unseasonal warm and sunny day which made the poetical among us, such as Steve Lambert, search for a fanciful word for an early Summer – to balance Indian Summer: i.e., one that lingers. We are offering a 1995 Penfolds Grange bottle (found at the Macs Reef transfer station) to the best suggestion from the readers of this column, judged by an independent panel of close relatives. Meanwhile out on the peerless Wamboin course battle was joined. Despite the long weekend, two grand finals and a car race a crowd of respectable size took the field. One of our guests, Tony Bryce, is closely associated with the ACT taxi industry. So, of course, a good stroke was met by cries of “Uber shot, Tony!” Other guests included Denis Riley and Peter Kelly. Len Ivey paid us a welcome visit from the South Coast and Scott Mason came all the way from Cairns.

At close of play the Googly Ball was awarded to John and Pearl van der Straaten who arrived precisely 24 hours late for a function in the Hall the previous night! The Dummy Spit went to Scott Mason for his voluble complaint that the LD markers on Up-the-Creek were prematurely removed, robbing Pete Harrison of a prize for his only good shot of the day. (Notice how Pete side-stepped the dummy by engaging a subcontractor.) Ball winners were Tim Barter X 4 (!), Rob Gorham (visiting from Harden – or Murrumburrah), Pete Harrison, Denis Riley, John Whitney, Phil Moran and Tony Bryce. The junior competition was won by Alex Gordon. The winner of the 9 hole comp was Debra Fileman with 52 off the stick for a net 23. The handicapper is aware that corrective action should be taken. Second was Ian Picker 43/30 with Tony Bryce 53/31 in third place on a count back. In the 18 hole competition Paul Griffin was the clear winner with a score of 87 for 62. Less clear were the remaining placegetters with a tie for second place between Len Ivey 80/67 and Tim Barter 81/67.

Next month will see the club stage the 30th Wamboin Open. International golf’s glitterati are expected to throng the now world famous course on Sunday, 1 November. So polish up the Callaways, iron the Armani polo shirt, dry clean the loud trousers, sharpen the sprigs and join us at the Hall at 12.15pm for the usual 12.30 start.

Larry King (recovering golfer)

* A literary competition to write the worst opening sentence to an equally bad novel.

September Competition Results

Spring has definitely sprung. The grass is rising ad the birdies is all over the place. Furthermore the winter sports have all concluded and what a splendidly athletic lot we Palerangians are! The Tigers, Tigerettes, Mudchooks, netball and basketball players are all finishing the season on top – or very close to it – of their respective competitions. Well done! And isn’t it good to see little Jarryd Hayne, the former Tigers water boy, getting a run with the San Francisco Under 9ers. Note to mum: don’t leave all those sweaty jock straps and sports bras in the gear pack over summer in case of spontaneous combustion.

Firebreak Four

There are, of course, those heady perennial sports of which golf is one. And so it came to pass that on Sunday 6 September, fired up by the recent victories of Australia’s very own Jason Day, a number of this healthy Shire’s golfers gathered at the Hall for the Wamboin Spring Trophy sponsored by Joan and Lofty Mason who provided sustenance and prizes. Our thanks to both. It was a crisp, partly cloudy day with many of the neighbouring ACT’s floral emblem in bud or, indeed, bursting forth. It moved local clergyman, the Rev Tom Gray to suggest that they might be “wasting their sweetness on the desert air” but we told him to suck it up and not to waste his own energy in a country churchyard. Our sponsors declared it a three-club day with stroke play to determine the outcome. And off into the mountain scrub we flew, as district journalist A B Paterson so cleverly put it.

Firebreak Four

Afterwards, around the fire back at the Hall the Googly Ball was again awarded to Helen Locke for putting her second shot on Hall NTP into the bonfire when the rest of her foursome managed it with their first. The Dummy Spit Award went to Tim Barter who felt he got closest to the pin on Ron’s Dam Hole but couldn’t record it because the previous foursome had removed the card. (Tim has a point but there are ways of bringing such matters to the attention of the match committee, don’t you know.) Ball winners were Neville Schroder, Rachel Schroder, Debrah Fileman, Tim Barter X 2, Rob Gibson, Paul Griffin X 2, Pete Harrison and John Whitney.

Weeper's Drive

The junior competition winner was Alex Gordon. The 9 hole comp was won by Michael Fileman with 46 off the stick for a net 30; second Larry King 45/31; third Helen Locke 76/57. Winner of the 18 hole comp and holder of the 2015 Spring Trophy (featuring two genuine bed springs) was Tim Barter 79/65 from John Whitney 81/67 with Paul Griffin 92/68 in third position. There was nothing left to do but get outside of as many of Joan’s wonderful spring rolls as possible.

Next month will be the Hunt for Red October competition sponsored by L + L King. Join us at the Hall on Sunday 4 October at 12.15pm for a 12.30pm start. Meanwhile, enjoy the changing of the seasons.

August Competition Non-Results

Sunday 2 August 2015. After 31mm overnight most of the fabled Wamboin golf course was under water. There wasn’t even a dry spot to land our guest-of-honour’s helicopter – although by then she’d become a footnote to history. The greens committee gathered, considered its verdict and closed the course: there would be no play that day. Did I say no play? Oh, bite my tongue! It was decided to play the 19th hole which was completely dry. And so, from about 4pm they came from all around this fit and healthy shire to the community Hall – frustrated would-be golfers, family, friends and wet hangers-on – to talk about the game they might have played and to enjoy one another’s company. The day was sponsored by the Tradies, those clever chaps that do many useful things around these parts: Trent Able (electrician), Col Prest (automotive), Don Evans (plumbing etc.) and Henk Berlee (anything). We thank them for the victuals, especially Henk’s pea and ham soup.

The googly ball and dummy spit awards went to the same person. To protect his family’s privacy let us identify him only as Robert Gorham. His winning act has been to go to extraordinary lengths to avoid playing at Wamboin for at least five years. You are agog to learn how. Be patient and sit comfortably. His wife whom we shall call Mary-Lou (as unlikely a name as any) was appointed Principal of the Catholic school in the twin cities of Harden-Murrumburrah in the charming Lachlan Valley. Would Robert go along as the handbag, I hear you cry. No way, was his stern reply. But fate, destiny or Kismet – call it what you will – had other ideas. Despite his otherwise customary rude health he had a run-in with the Spanish Dancer – to the extent that the surgeon had to remove a fair amount of the crinkly bits which occupy the bottom half of the abdominal cavity. Naturally, he’s now referred to as Old Gutless. (You don’t come to Wamboin for the compliments.) And so he’s off to Harden – or is it Murrumburrah? – to accompany the lovely M-L. We wish them both the best of good fortune and hope to see them from time to time.

Next month it will be Spring – a concept as alien as a frugal politician while this is being written at 9 degrees C with a howling wind. But that means the famous Wamboin Spring Trophy sponsored by local heroes, Joan and Lofty Mason. Join us at the Hall on Sunday, 6 September at 12.15pm for a 12.30 pm kick off. It’s worth it just for Joan’s spring rolls.

July Competition Results

Sunday, 5 July 2015. A day as cold as a European Central Banker’s heart. As Greeks were looking a gift horse in the mouth, the financially-oppressed golfers of Wamboin voted overwhelmingly to accept the austerity measures foreshadowed by Palerang’s ruthless Mayor, Pete Harrison, to ensure that we are Fit For The Future. Your correspondent has said goodbye to ever being able to retire at age 58. As local economist, J K Galbraith, was heard to mutter: ‘You burn your bum, you sit on the blisters”.

It was a fitting welcome to the new financial year as we saddled up for the GST Commemoration Golf Day sponsored by Keith and Kathy France and Parkhill Financial Services who provided the prizes and eats. The order of the day was team play in a Canadian Ambrose with 10% added to the team handicap. Even resident polymath, Stephen Fry, couldn’t explain it. (And he didn’t have to Google angklung after reading last month’s Wamboin Muse.) Photos taken by Ruthless Pete show sponsor, Keith France, teeing off at Hell’s Hole and Dave Hubbard doing the same at Greenwood’s Ruins.

Keith @ Hell's Hole

Afterwards, back at the Bingley Way “Acropolis” (home of the four horsemen) Mr France officiated at the prize giving in the absence of the club Captain. He noted that the field, although small, was select. He blamed the weather, the school holidays, the ABC in general and Q&A in particular.

Winners & Grinners

The googly ball went to Helen Locke whose beautiful drive on Short and Sweet was spoilt by the fact that she had forgotten to place the ball on the tee. She was permitted to do so without penalty on the ground that her first swing was practice. The first dummy spit was awarded to Dave Hubbard who unsportingly refused to pick up his partner’s ball. The second was awarded to his partner (Ol’ Ruthless) who expressed the view that Mr Hubbard was as useful as a hatful of drachmas. The third went to local political philosopher, Plato, who was very curly-lipped about democracy in his page-turner, The Republic. He took the view that it would fail in the end because the people would distribute the Treasury amongst themselves, leaving nothing for defence, vital public works and so on. Compare that with modern Greece whose electors have awarded themselves generous and early pensions without collecting the taxes to pay for them (or anything else). But let’s move on.

Dave @ Greenwood's Ruins

NTP and LD ball winners were Keith France x4, Larry King x3, Helen Locke and Rachel Schroder. The 9 hole comp was taken out by the team of Schroder & Schroder (37.625) from runners-up Locke and King (43.875). The winners of the 18 hole comp were the team of Dave Hubbard and Pete Harrison (62.943) from daylight. Our next golf day will be held on 2 August and will be sponsored by the Tradies – those useful chaps who undertake many a plumbing, electrical or mechanical project around these parts. Join us at the Hall at 12.15pm for 12.30pm tee off. Antio ta leme!

Larry King, golfer (perhaps)

June Competition Results

Nev @ Finn's Spotties

Sad to say local bio systems contractor, Sepp (short for Septic) Blatter, couldn’t make it to the 7 June golf day sponsored by Lambert Vineyards. He had an urgent appointment with an optometrist in Canberra to find out why he seems to be oblivious to everything going on around him. Turns out Sepp is blind in one eye and can’t see out of the other. Nevertheless the other Beautiful Game went on without him thanks in large part to Ruth and Steve Lambert who provided prizes of their famous bottled goods and the after-match refreshments. Our thanks to them both. It was a bracing early winter’s day with players challenged by a stiff Westerly breeze. But that’s not enough to put off your Palerangians who, above all people, are Fit For The Future! Our sponsors nominated stroke play and out into the elements we went.

Winners & Grinners
9 Hole Winner

Afterwards, back at the Community Hall before a raging fire we celebrated a day in the field. The Googly Ball went to host Steve Lambert for a stylish birdie 2 at Short and Sweet after his drive was disturbed by one of those famous Wamboin rocks. He should also have got the Dummy Spit for the whingeing and moaning after his ball hit the rock. But instead it was awarded to Michael Fileman who resorted to vituperation after winning the Lambert Vineyards Perpetual NAGA. NTP and LD ball winners were Paul Griffin x 2, Glen Crafter, Debra Fileman, Jack Whitney X 3, Rob Gibson, Steve Lambert and Nev Schroder.

18 Hole Winner

The winner of the 9 hole comp was Penny Gibson with 63 off the stick for a net score of 24; 2nd Joan Mason 38/27; 3rd Glen Crafter 42/29. The winner of the 18 hole comp was Jack Whitney 74/59 (he won’t see that handicap again). 2nd Pete Harrison 101/67, 3rd Keith France 88/71.

Next Month’s competition will take place on Sunday 5 July and will, as usual, celebrate the new financial year and the anniversary of the Goods and Services Tax when 10% is added to everyone’s handicap. We are hopeful that current and former Treasurers - Shrek, Smirk and Placido Domingo - will be able to attend – if we invite them. Join us at the Hall at 12.15pm for a 12.30pm kick off.

May Competition Results

Have you ever read Das Kapital? Don’t. Your correspondent had a go once but a bad case of the paralytic yawns set in at page 3 so he never did find out what “dialectical materialism“ is. Be that as it may, on the Sunday following May Day a number of the proletariat of the Peoples Republic of Palerang (soon, like the Crimea, to be taken over by Russia) gathered at the Bingley Way “Kremlin” wearing red scarves and singing the Internationale. They were there for the revolutionary May golf competition sponsored by Tim Barter and Paul Griffin of the Navy Old Farts and Retired Pilots Association, some of whom probably served on the battleship Potemkin. To them we say “spasibo” for the prizes and to Madame Dianne Griffinova for the eats.

On the tee at the 15th

Our visitor had only one name (like Bono, Pele and Lenin). It was Alan and he enjoyed himself immensely. The Googly Ball went to Paul Griffin for his effort to claim the NTP on the second stroke on Ron’s Damn Hole when, sadly, it was his fourth stroke, having hit his drive into the dam (oh! Infamy!). Reflecting the general mood of protest and insurrection the dummy was passed around between Mr Griffin, Tim Barter, Larry King and Deborah Fileman before Commissar Greenwood restored order by sending in the Cossacks. History should record that Ms Fileman was in fact the victim of a grave injustice, but we’ll come to that in a minute.

Winners & Grinners

NTP and LD Ball winners were Joan Mason x 2, Tim Barter x 4!, Lofty Mason and Paul Griffin. Winner of the 9 hole comp (and proud new owner of the Ned Kelly trophy) was Lofty Mason with 23 Stableford points. Second, Larry King on 18, 3rd Joan Mason 17, 4th Michael Fileman 14. Mr Fileman’s placing was, alas, an error – the reason for which has been censored by the handicapper. Ms Fileman’s score was in fact higher and entitled her to 4th place rather than the dummy spit award. I hope this clears things up and all is now peace and light at chez Fileman.


Winner of the 18 hole comp was Pete Harrison with 37 Stableford points after two of the sponsors were eliminated by the traditional rule that you can’t win on your own day.

The next exciting episode of Wamboin golf will take place on Sunday, 7 June when the sponsors will be Lambert Vineyards. Why not kick off the feudal shackles of the Romanovs and join us at the Hall at 12.15pm for 12.30pm? As local disciplinarian, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, has been heard to utter, to miss it would be a Crime and Punishment would be severe.

Larry King (golfski)

April Competition Results
The Wamboin Mini Masters

Mahogany Ridge, Sunday 5 April 2015. This is being written while being bombarded by white, dimpled missiles as the “enemy” fire off salvo after salvo in the Novelty NTP Shootout which traditionally concludes the Wamboin Mini Masters. Incoming! Oh! The humanity! Two shots each from a box of soft sand, a T-Ball stand, standing on a tyre, and a short ramp.

Ramp it up

A tall story

There's nothing like a gellery...

And all that after two rounds of play (admittedly each of only six holes). The first round is to determine who makes The Cut and is therefore eligible for the major prizes – kindly donated by the Wamboin Community Association who also fed us. We thank their hard-working committee, in particular Barb and Pete Harrison who rattled the pots and pans and officiated at the prize-giving ceremony. Thanks also to the radio-controlled Shootout Marshals, Don Evans and Paul Griffin.

Our welcome visitors were Brian Moore and the father and son team of Tony and Michael Dowdell. Michael enjoyed his first ever game of golf. Tony echoed his son’s complimentary remarks about the peerless Wamboin course. The Googly Ball and the Dummy Spit were awarded to the same person, Dave Hubbard, whose long, whining account of something-or-other induced a soporific effect on your correspondent. By the time he awoke events had moved on. Let us follow them.

Winners & Grinners

You all want to know who made The Cut. The answer is: Neville Schroder with 22 strokes; Brian Moore 25; Steve Lambert 28 (DNF); Larry King 29 (DNF); Paul Griffin 29 and Dave Hubbard 31. DNF means did not finish. There is an ongoing ASADA inquiry into this but the smart money is on the overuse of Fluid Loss Adjusters. Junior Master was Logan Beckett (in a small field). Following round 2 the handicap comp was taken out by Paul Griffin on 37 with Dave Hubbard runner up on 48. The 2015 Wamboin Masters was won by Nev Schroder, 50 strokes with Brian Moore hot on his heels on 51.

The fabled Green Jacket

Nev also won the Shootout. He was assisted into the erstwhile green jacket by WCA immediate Past President, Pete Harrison. It fitted like a proctologist’s glove.

Join us at the Hall on Sunday 3 May for the next exciting instalment of Wamboin golf when the sponsors will be those Navy Old Farts of whom my old chum, William Schwenck Gilbert, has much to say in his report entitled “HMS Pinafore”.

March Competition Results

I said to my old friend, Johnny Mercer, the other day: Johnny, I said, those falling leaves drift by my window, those falling leaves of red and gold. And Johnny said: it’s Autumn, you dill! And by Jove, he was correct. Just. Because Wamboin’s March golf day happened to coincide with the first day of the month – the first official day of Autumn. And what a glorious day it was. Golfers from all over this proudly independent LGA, free from the influence, guidance or control of another which we shall not name, gathered at the homestead overnight, for we bushies love hard golfing as A B Paterson so accurately put it. The day was sponsored by Ken and Deb Gordon who donated the prizes and fed us beyond the demands of gluttony. Your correspondent was unable to play but did make it down to the Hall for the 19th. Accordingly the rest of this report comes to you vicariously from Mahogany Ridge (as, indeed, does most of what passes for journalism – except, of course, in the Whisper – in these days of the 24 hour news cycle).

Winners & Grinners

Sadly, history will not record who our guests were for the very good reason that there weren’t any.


Laziness is the only excuse for the omission of the encouragement awards and the NTP/LG ball winners. It is sufficient that they know who they are. In the 9 hole comp there was not much to separate the place getters who stuck to each other like a poultice to a gangrenous leg (I hope you are not reading this over breakfast).

In third place was Michael Fileman with 19 Stableford points. Second was Rob Gibson with 21 points. The winner was Joan Mason on 22 points. As this result was judged by the Captain to amount to highway robbery Joan was presented with the coveted Ned Kelly trophy (genuine solid concrete) which is now sitting haughtily on her gate post. In the hard fought 18 hole comp Tim Barter came in third on 34, Rob Gorham was a worthy runner-up on 37, but the clear winner was Charles Guscott with a creditable 41 points.

Join us at the Community Hall on Sunday 5 April when we next take up the clubs for the famous Wamboin Mini Masters (green jacket and all). It’s a real hoot but will have the late, great Robert Trent Jones spinning in his grave.

Larry King (golfer, it is said)

February Competition Results

‘February is the cruellest month’ as local meteorologist, T S Eliot, might well put it. For a start it signals the end of summer. Or as district real estate agent, W Shakespeare, has written ‘summer’s lease hath all too short a date’. (I’ve pulled him up on the “hath” but he won’t budge.) It’s also the shortest month which encourages the liverish with a low threshold of self-deception to kid themselves that giving up the grog for 28 days will repair the damage of the past 337. Be that as it may, that great sporting institution, golf at Wamboin, rolls on apace. Competition in the month under observation was jointly sponsored by the Schroder and Whitney families who generously provided the refreshments and prizes. We welcomed our visitors, Alan Griffiths and Trish Ziebell, with open arms following which the golfers of Queanbeyan – sorry, Palerang – mounted their iron horses and headed for the course.

Winners & Grinners

Back in the dragon’s den the Googly Ball was awarded to half Palerang’s 2015 Citizen of the Year, Lofty Mason, for the remarkable feat of hitting his first and second (provisional) drives into the same spot at the edge of his own dam. Both balls were found together. The Dummy went to John Whitney for complaining that the newly-sanded greens slowed down the run of the ball. (Pur-lease!).

NTP/LD ball winners were Ken Gordon X 2, Glen Crafter X 2, Alan Griffiths, Len Ivey (sniff), Rachel Schroder, Nev Schroder and Pete Harrison. The junior comp winner was Alex Gordon with 61 off the stick for a net 30 on the 9 hole course. The senior 9 hole comp was won by the other half of Palerang’s 2015 Citizen of the Year, Joan Mason 42/29 from Debra Fileman 61/30 (she’ll never see that handicap again) with third placegetter being Ken Gordon 36/31. The senior 18 hole comp winner was Glen Crafter 77/52, from Pete Harrison 97/58, and Charles Guscott third 81/61.

The gay mood was disturbed by the Captain’s announcement that Len and Linda Ivey were leaving this fiercely independent and self-sustaining LGA to go and live (and work) on the South Coast. Borrowing the words of that noble Roman, M Antony (as reported by Mr Shakespeare), he asked us ‘if you have tears, prepare to shed them now’. And we did. Farewell, Len and Linda and best wishes for the new venture on Mimosa Hill.

Next month is March but you knew that already. Join us at the Hall on Bingley at 12.15pm on Sunday 1 March for more golf, this time sponsored by Ken and Deb Gordon, well-known Oz taggers. You’ll receive the usual effusive, not to say gushing, welcome.

January Competition Results

In January Australia hosts those five great sporting events—the end of the Sydney-to-Hobart, the Sydney cricket test, the Australian Open (tennis), the Australian Seniors Tennis Championships and, of course, the Wamboin Golf Club’s Three Stick Event. And so it was that on Sunday 4 January 2015 (get used to writing it) Palerangers with fairly decent hand/eye coordination gathered for the fray. “But didn’t it rain that afternoon?” I hear you cry. You bet your golf balls it did. But owing to a coincidence even a writer of fiction wouldn’t try to get away with it pelted down before and after the event. The comp itself was unaffected. That’s organisation for you. The day was sponsored by Wiyagiba Trading and we thank Jane and Dave Hubbard for the prizes and refreshments. By tradition it is restricted to ten holes in deference to the climate. At 2.30pm Dave fired the shotgun and away we went.

Keith, Vik & Dave

Back at the Community Hall there was much discussion about club choice. One member said that his 2 iron was working so well he took three of them. The Captain welcomed our guest, all the way from Sweden, Viktor Lundmark-Harrison. Viktor was joined at the 19th by his charming companion and although your correspondent looked hard he couldn’t spot the dragon tattoo.

Winners & Grinners
Pete & Dave

Nearest-to-the-Pin ball winners were Ken Gordon X 3, Dave Hubbard X 2, Pete Harrison X 2, Logan Beckett X 2 and Jason Beckett. The Googly Ball went to our guest just for coming all that way to play golf. Unfairly, the dummy went to the public-spirited person who drew attention to the necessary etiquette of warning players in front, of an approaching golf ball. The defendant who we can identify only by his name, Tim Barter, advanced the specious argument that he couldn’t see the player who he asserted was below average height and, anyway, he was only using a 6 iron. Case adjourned sine die.

The juniors’ award went to Logan Beckett. Place-getters in the seniors’ 10 hole comp were: 6th Ken Gordon with 19 Stableford points; 5th Charles Guscott 20; 4th Rob Gorham 21; 3rd Keith France 21 OCB; 2nd Joan Mason 23; and the winner with 26 points was Pete Harrison.


December Competition Results
The Christmas Cup

On Sunday, 7 December a satisfying number of the golfers of this charming local government area (soon to amalgamate with Byron Bay) donned their gay apparel and saddled up for the Christmas Cup. Much to their delight the predicted tempest held off – clearly Hughie felt that she’d flung enough at us over the preceding week. The post-athletics refreshments and prizes were donated by Jude and Ted Evans to whom we offer our thanks and praise. The news that this was to be their last such sponsorship brought a tear to many a glass eye. They have moved to a regional city which looks lustfully at our beautiful and self-sustaining LGA. No names, no pack drill. We wish them the best of luck and express our profound appreciation for their long and valued support. We are seeking new Christmas Cup sponsors. Messrs Scrooge and Grinch need not apply.

Winners & Grinners

The Googly Ball went to the individual who claimed a special prize for playing 14 (yes, 14) holes. He was, however, granted the Dummy Spit Award for the unseemly manner in which he reacted to the refusal of his request. The dummy was passed on to Steve Lambert who complained about his handicap. It will be reduced for next month. A number of disciplinary matters were then resolved including the reprimanding of Mr N Schroder for wearing golf shoes in the club house. Concrete doesn’t just look after itself, you know.

The Captain welcomed our visitor, Gerard Ryan in the usual way. Encouragement Awards went to Mads Gordon and Rachel Schroder. Ball winners were Gerard Ryan X 3 (he’s pleased he came), Neville Schroder X 2, Ken Gordon, Tim Barter, Len Ivey and Larry King. The Juniors 9 hole comp went to Alex Gordon with 22 Stableford points. The open 9 hole comp was won by Lofty Mason (21 Stableford points) from deb Gordon (19) and Ken Gordon (18). The18 hole event winner was Nev Schroder from Paul Griffin (39) and Pete Harrison (37).

Join us at the Community Hall at 12.15pm on Sunday 4 January 2015 for the much-feted Three Club Event sponsored by Jane and Dave Hubbard of Wyagiba Trading. Meanwhile the members of the R & A Wamboin Golf Club wish you and yours a Merry Christmas. As for 2015, it will be the 800th anniversary of Magna Carta. May we all in this brown and pleasant land continue to enjoy the peace and freedom that the great chart presaged – no matter who we are and whence we came. And may we be reconciled with those original Australians who reckon they were doing alright long before Magna Carta.

Larry King, golfer (ho! ho! ho!)

November Competition Results
The 29th Wamboin Open

On a bright and breezy Sunday, 2 November, freshly relaxed with their sensory meridians all in a straight line after watching Maria comb her hair on You Tube, the golfers of the region gathered at the Wamboin Community Hall for sport’s red letter day – the mighty Wamboin Open. Before the sizeable field took to the course for the traditional stroke event the Captain explained the rules which can briefly be summarised as “no cheating”. One or two of us felt insulted. At day’s end the prize-giving ceremony was gracefully conducted by Lady Deborah Gordon OT. Refreshments and prizes were provided by the club and organised by traditional providores, Joan Mason with bumbling assistance from Robert Gorham.

Winners & Grinners

Ball winners for the long drives and NTPs were Glenn Crafter X 2, Paul Griffin X 2, Jack Whitney X 2, Geoff Leeper, Ken Gordon, Tim Barter and Pete Harrison. Encouragement awards for juniors went to Alex and Madison Gordon. The 2014 junior champion was Logan Beckett with an adjusted 27 for 9 holes. The 2014 Eclectic went to Neville Schroder (18 holes) and Ken Gordon (9 holes).

Club champion (net scores) in the 9 hole comp was Ken Gordon with 33 off the stick for a net 26, 2nd Peter Greenwood (who was reduced to tears by his first win ever) 47/34, 3rd Larry King 48/35. The 18 hole club champion was Paul Griffin 87/61, 2nd Tim Barter 77/64 on a count back from Rob Gorham 87/64. And now, as the drums roll, it can be revealed the 2014 Ladies Open Champion (9 holes) is Joan Mason (50). And the 2014 Men’s Open Champion with 75 off the stick over 18 holes is Len Ivey. Our congratulations to both and, indeed, to all who took part.

Next month join us at the Hall at 12.15pm on Sunday 7 December for the Christmas Cup. Will the Cup runneth over? I can’t wait to find out. Get out that hair brush, Maria!

October Competition Results

This article should be headlined “Vandal Attacks Community Hall—Damage Bill Rises”, but more of that later. Meanwhile, as me old mate, Chuck Dickens, used to say “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times”. It was the best of times because Sunday 5 October turned on a “pearler”—just about the perfect weather for golf—a beautiful Spring day in the mid-20s. (Some visitors were surprised by the strong breeze but we Wamboinians tend to scoff in the face of anything less than gale force.) It was the worst of times because there was clearly a bit of “handicap maintenance” going on before the Open next month. Tsk, tsk! That is not golf, I tell you! And, of course, there was the damage to the Hall, but I’ll get to that. The day was sponsored by L + L King, who provided the prizes and edible refreshments, and we thank them for it. The sponsors nominated stroke play with a minimum of 14 clubs per bag but no one had anything near 14 clubs and one player didn’t even have a bag. This was overshadowed by the damage to the Hall, which I’ll come to in a bit.

At the 19th we welcomed our visitors—Phil Moran (one more appearance and he will have to join the club), Geoff Leeper, Paul Clough and John Clough.

Winners & Grinners

Kevin Rowe, feeling his oats after returning from foreign climes, won the googly ball for—brace yourselves—hitting the door of the Community Hall. Following inspection, it was deemed unnecessary to call in the builders or charge Kevin with malicious damage—we’ll just have to live with the ugly mark on the door (as we have lived for over 20 years with somebody’s dog’s footprints in the concrete floor). Steve Miners got the Dummy Spit award after being outdriven on the second hole by both his kids, neither of whom reach his shoulder. The encouragement award went to his daughter, Amy. Ball winners were Lofty Mason, Neville Schroder, Tayler “Minor” Miners, Michael Fileman, Kevin Rowe, Steve “Major” Miners, Paul Clough and Phil Moran.

Tayler & Larry

The junior comp over nine holes was won by Tayler Miners with 44 off the stick for a net 21. The seniors nine hole comp results were: 3rd Phil Moran 46/34 (OCB from his father-in-law, damn and blast it!), 2nd Michael Fileman 46/30, 1st Debra Fileman 63/24 (hmm…).

Results of the 18 hole comp were: 3rd Pete Harrison 110/74, 2nd Paul Clough 83/72, 1st Kevin Rowe 112/67. Welcome back, Kevin.

The November golf day will be the renowned Wamboin Open on Sunday 2 November. See you at the Hall at 12.15pm for a 12.30pm tee-off. At this stage I cannot confirm that Sam Burgess will be presenting the prizes but it is unlikely because of recent facial surgery. I can confirm that the Prince of Wales will not be wearing his fox hat. Join us at Wamboin on the 5 November. As Chuck said, golf keeps you humble despite great expectations.

September Competition Results

Sunday, 7 September. Woke up singing “Oh What a Beautiful Morning”. Another superb first-Sunday-of-the-month. Another invigorating afternoon on the intergalacticly famous Wamboin golf course. September is Spring Trophy month sponsored by J + L Mason. It is also three club day: you may use only three clubs (choosing is an agony).

Nev & Keith

As ever, our grateful thanks to Joan and Lofty who provided the prizes and eats – particularly to Joan for her traditional and renowned spring rolls, worthy of three hats. Once again the fine weather encouraged the shire’s finely-tuned athletes to flex their muscles in pursuit of the little white (or in Len Ivey’s case, pink) ball. Back at the Bat Cave, Capt. Greenwood welcomed visitor, Glen Crafter in the usual way and announced the competition winners, place getters and other awards.

Winners & Grinners

The dummy spit was unfairly awarded to Keith France for treading on Tim Barter’s ball. It turns out he was merely applying rule 1 of the Rules of Sly Golf, i.e., viz and to whit: “Find it and Grind it”. The award should have gone to the person who drew this unsavoury episode to the attention of the committee. The googly ball went to the suggestion that a funicular railway should be erected from Bingley Way to the top of Mason’s hill for the benefit of disabled golfers. (It could connect with the Gungahlin to Civic tram.) Ball winners were Glen Crafter, Larry King, Len Ivey, John Whitney, Joan Mason, Neville Schroder X 3, Rob Gorham and Paul Griffin.

The junior comp was won by Alex Gordon from Logan Beckett and Madison Gordon. The 9 hole comp winner was Michael Fileman with 49 off the stick for a net 21 (handicapper will note), 2nd was Deb Gordon 52/32, 3rd Ken Gordon 42/35. The winner of the 18 hole comp – and the proud holder of the Spring Trophy – was Nev Schroder 73/61. Nev’s round included seven birdies! The photo shows him putting with his driver (not to be confused with his chauffer, Keith France, who is also in the shot). Runner-up was Len Ivey 75/62, 3rd Paul Griffin 90/64. Our next golf day will be on 5 October when you can warm up for the tightly-contested Wamboin Open in November. See you at the Hall on the 5th at 12.15pm. If you need and excuse say you’re visiting a hospital. I’ve heard it works a treat.

August Competition Results

Wasn’t Sunday (6 August) an absolutely stunning day?! And what better way to spend it than on the quaint, bucolic Wamboin golf course where it was Tradies’ Day, sponsored by those plumbing, electrical and mechanical technicians, Don, Trent and Henk.

Typical Wamboin Gold Cart

The photo shows players in front of a typical Wamboin golf cart. The superb weather guaranteed a sizeable crowd, later swollen by family, friends and neighbours who attended the 19th. Stroke was the order of the day. (Steady, Trigger. That’s stroke play as opposed to golf ‘s other variants). We thank the tradies for the food - including Henk’s traditional pea and ham soup - and the prizes. The prize giving ceremony provided moments of low comedy as the wrong prizes were awarded and had to be reclaimed. There was reference to a Mongolian Cluster Fudge, whatever that is.

Winners & Grinners

Googly balls went to Mads Gordon, Keith France, Len Ivey who was man enough to play with a pink ball which nicely matched his shirt, and the two crocks who drove the entire 9 hole course in a 4WD. Rob Gorham left early so the dummy spit award went to Keith France for……………….

Ball winners were Len Ivey X 3 (yes, that’s what we thought), Philip Moran (visitor) X 2, Rob Gibson, Ken Gordon, Lofty Mason, Keith France and Paul Griffin. The juniors comp over 9 holes was won by Rachel Schroder with 51 off the stick for a net 22. The senior 9 hole competition was won by Rob Gibson 40/29 (handicapper to note!), 2nd John Whitney 38/32, 3rd Ken Gordon 40/33. The 18 hole comp went to Keith France 82/65 on a count-back from Tim Barter 78/65 with Len Ivey taking third place on 79/66.

July Competition Results

Right. I’ll try to keep this simple. There are three kinds of accountants—those that can count and those that can’t. In Wamboin we have all kinds but only one who likes to celebrate the end of the financial year by marking the introduction of the highly-respected goods-and-services tax. And so it came to pass that on Sunday 6 July the golfers of this attractive local government area saddled up for the GST Anniversary day sponsored by Keith France and Kathy Handel (that’s Kathy in the photo with the winning team. Keith like all accountants is shy and self-effacing). The competition was based on the Ambrose system for teams of two. In keeping with the day’s theme 10 per cent was added to players’ handicaps. Those little pencils with the rubber on the end came in very handy. It was a bright, clear day but cold as a well digger’s knee. Nevertheless, a fair crowd including some new golfers took the field. Back at the Community Hall we all wrestled with our score cards over tea and cake thoughtfully provided by the sponsors. Visitors included new golfers Rob and Penny Gibson. Also playing her first game on the peerless Wamboin course was local identity, Deborah Fileman. Scott Mason (now living in Cairns but grew up in Wamboin) appeared with daughter Leila in tow. Scott now sports a beard to avoid being mistaken for a close blood relative.

Winners & Grinners

The Googly Ball went to the person who locked the keys in his car and therefore wishes to remain anonymous. He also won the dummy spit award. Ball winners were Neville Schroder X 2, Paul Griffin X 2, John Whitney, Keith France and Pete Harrison. There was no junior comp so the prize was given to Leila Mason. The 9 hole comp winners were the team of Ken Gordon and Larry King with a net score of 29.775 from second placegetters Lofty and Scott Mason on 33.017. A creditable third place was taken by newcomers Rob and Penny Gibson with 35.375. The 18 hole comp was taken out by the team of Nev Schroder and Pete Harrison with 57.2667. We understand that Nev did all the work with Pete’s contribution being his handicap. Second were John Whitney and Paul Griffin on 59.825, from Tim Barter and Charles Guscott on 60.817 in third place.

June Competition Results

It was a dark and stormy night. And so the golf committee decided, for the protection of the course, to cancel next day’s play in the Lambert Vineyards Classic. They wisely announced that the 19th would go ahead at 4.30pm as usual when we would consume the refreshments and drink the prizes. And that should be the end of this report. But it is not: three intrepid golfers decided to play anyway. Two, Tim Barter and Paul Griffin, battled the elements to complete 18 holes. And your correspondent did the “short 9” (alright, 8).

But what a surprise awaited us at the 19th! The crowd had swelled to Ben Hur proportions - almost 30. Amongst them were Ken Gordon’s sister from Melbourne as well as former Wamboinians Jude and Ted Evans all the way from Queanbeyan.


Catering was by L+L King on behalf of S+R Lambert who were travelling North. The crowd descended on the groaning board like pigs at the trough, only less refined. Messrs Barter and Griffin cleaned up all the golf prizes. Your correspondent won the short 9 by default, but as a surrogate sponsor was prevented by tradition from accepting the prize which was settled by lot. Also by tradition, prizes of bottled goods became common property and were put on the bar. Under their responsibly-served and benign influence many problems were solved, the eternal verities reaffirmed (e.g., the earth is, in in fact, round) and much laughter occasioned. Joy was unconfined, as the poet chappie said. (She must have been out on day-release.) Please join us on the first Sunday in July (that’s the 6th ) for the GST Anniversary golf day when you add ten percent to your handicap. As you can see, on golf day you don’t even have to play golf to have fun!

May Competition Results

Despite the near perfect weather, it was unnecesary to call on the minions of the law to control the throng which gathered for the “Retired Sailors' and Airmen's Day” at the Wamboin course on Sunday, 11 May. The phrase “beautiful day” got more use than Joe Hockey’s red pen. Our grateful thanks to Tim Barter and Paul and Diana Griffin for providing the prizes and post competition refreshments which included curry puffs and egg-and-lettuce sandwiches, setting the bar higher for next time. They spoiled it by insisting that the day’s play be scored on the Stableford system which makes the Income Tax Assessment Act look child-like in its simplicity.

Winners & Grinners

Back at the 19th a frisson of excitement ran through the crowd when it was announced that A.Scott had got nearest the pin at Ron’s Dam Hole, but it turned out to be a chap in a kilt with an impenetrable accent. Furthermore it was pointed out that unlike Pope Kyril I (or III) Adam Scott did not possess the gift of bi-location.

Grinners at the 19th

Other nearest-the-pins were: Ryan Kitchen 3! (referred to ICAC in view of close relationship with office-bearer); Tim Barter 2; Pete Harrison and Ken Gordon. The 9 hole junior winner was Alex Gordon, narrowly pipping his sister, Madison. The senior 9 holes was a dead heat between Joan Mason and Ken Gordon. The 18 hole comp was won by Ryan Kitchen with Pete Harrison snapping at his heels.

Over tea and cake—and a few neck oils—your correspondent moved that there should be no future departures from the day’s traditional scheduling on the first Sunday of the month. He was accused of being a Jesuit (ruthlessly suppressing heresy) which you’ll have to admit is pretty flash banter for a rural golf club. In defence he asserted his only connection to the Black Robes, a group which as a Shinto Catholic he held in admiration, was a neighbour who had gone to the same school as Tony Abbott. But enough of religion and politics: that is a slippery slope which leads to you know where. But, as the shades of night fell fast, the typical Wamboin spirit of good will and bonhomie returned as golfers departed for the home fires after the day’s sport. Next month it will be Lambert Vineyards turn to host the day which will be 1 June. Please join us as we kick our way through Autumn’s golden gown (with acknowledgement to Jeff Wayne).

April Competition Results
The Wamboin Mini Masters

Pending... (well, once again, perhaps never to appear)

In the sand

All tired out

The fabled Green Jacket

March Competition Results

The March Stableford competition was played in near perfect weather on fresh green grassy fairways, which caused some new players to come out of the woodwork. The day was sponsored, and healthily catered for, by Ken and Deb Gordon.

Winners & Grinners

Senior encouragement awards went to Penny Gibson and Debra Fileman and the junior one to Isabell Keller.

On the tee

The junior winner for the day was Rachael Schroder with 17 points for 9 holes. Nine Hole winners were Rob Gibson 24 points, Neville Schroder 22 and Joan Mason 21.

The 18 hole competition winners were first; Pete Harrison 40, 2nd Tim Barter 38 and 3rd Ryan Kitchen with a 36 which will not catch the eye of the handicapper.

The April competition played on Sunday the 6th will be the exciting, and sometimes frustrating, Mini Masters sponsored by the Wamboin Community Association.

February Competition Results

Pending... (or perhaps another report that, for better or worse, has been lost in the mists of time...)

January Competition Results

Pending... (or perhaps that should just be "Pretending...")


December Competition Results

A small but select crowd of attractive and intelligent people gathered at the Wamboin Community Hall at 12 noon on Sunday 1 December to contest the annual Wamboin Christmas Staple Foot Golf Day. The day was sponsored by Ted and Judith Evans—now residing in that Sodom and Gomorrah of the southern tablelands, Queanbeyan—who also arranged the post-competition snacks and presided over the prize giving ceremony.

There was one visitor, a Mr Colin Prest from upper Wamboin who did not play in the competition but suspiciously turned up afterwards claiming that the inordinate heat of the day required several “fluid loss adjusters”. He was awarded the famous Googly Ball. Rob Gorham was not present to claim his usual dummy spit award which was shared equally between Keith France and Tim Barter for reasons too trivial for your correspondent to recall.

Winners & Grinners

Ball winners, for arcane reasons known only to golfers, were: Rachel Schroder x 2, Dave Hubbard x 2, Tim Barter, Nev Schroder, Larry King, Paul Griffin and Lofty Mason. The winner of the junior competition was Rachel Schroder who celebrated her 8th birthday by amassing 24 Staple Foot points. Place getters in the 9-hole competition were: 3rd, Deb Gordon 17 points on a count back; second, Larry King 19 points; first Lofty Mason 20 points.

The place getters in the 18-hole competition were: 3rd, Dave Hubbard 38 points; second, Nev Schroder 40 points; and first Paul Griffin 41 points. Mr Griffin, resplendent in a pair of very attractive and practical bush walking trousers, was a worthy winner of the Wamboin R & A Golf Club’s Christmas Cup and charmed the crowd with a few modest but well-chosen words.

November Competition Results
28th Wamboin Open

On a warm and rather windy Sunday afternoon, a field of about twenty golfers gathered to contest the 28th Wamboin Open, sponsored by the Wamboin Country Golf Club and Queanbeyan City Travel & Cruise. The Open is always played as a stroke event, with players choosing to take on our challenging 9 or 18 hole course. This year saw, we think for the first time, a motorised device being ridden around the course by one of the competitors. Rumour has it that it didn't really help, but coming third in the nine hole comp probably raised concerns with the day's match committee.

As is tradition, Rob Gorham took out the "Dummy Spit" award—apparently the wind affected his practise round earlier in the day and left him a little red faced. I'm not sure if a Googly Ball was awarded on the day but I know from first hand knowledge that Len Ivey's birdie putt on Lofty's "Saddle Up" was a putt to behold.

Winners & Grinners

Long drive and nearest the pin winners were Keith France, Rob Gorham, John Whitney, Len Ivey x2, Tim Barter, Charles Guscott, Larry King x2 and Lofty Mason.

9 Hole Club Champions: 1st Ken Gordon 38/32, 2nd Rob Gorham 42/32, 3rd Peter Greenwood 44/32, all on count back
18 Hole Club Champions: 1st Tim barter 72/62 ocb, 2nd Len Ivey 77/62, 3rd Charles Guscott 94/62
2013 Eclectic 9 Hole winner was Ken Gordon while Tim Barter took out the 18 Hole event.

Open Champions

The 2013 Junior Champion, with an excellent 67/27, is Alex Gordon, with sister Madison taking second
The 2013 Ladies' Open Champion (9 holes) is Joan Mason with 46/34
The 2013 Wamboin Men's Open Champion is Dan Monie with a 76 gross

October Competition Results

Due to School Holidays and the long weekend only a small group of players registered in for the October competition. Of course this had the advantage of, when being combined with a generous gift of prizes from Lamberts Vineyard, all players were prize worthy(?) Although the Lamberts were also among the absentees, they had arranged for Libby and Larry King to cater for the day. Dennis Todd (brother-in-law to Ted Evans) from Brisbane was a welcome visitor on the day.

Winners & Grinners

The Long Drive and Nearest the Pin ball winners were Len Ivey x2, Pete Harrison x2 Joan Mason x2 and Dennis Todd x1. Nine Hole winners were Joan Mason 44/32, Larry King 48/35 and Helen Loche 76/40.

The 18 hole competition winners were first; Paul Griffin 89/64, Len Ivey 2nd with an 88/73 on a count back from Pete Harrison 105/73.

For the record, Lofty Mason and Dennis Todd also swung their clubs (too often) on the day.

September Competition Results

The first game of spring is traditionally the Mason Spring Trophy, and for that very reason we all gathered on a beautiful sunny afternoon to take part in Lofty's three stick event over either 9 or 18 holes on Wamboin's wonderful course. No Spring Trophy event would be complete without those mouth watering Spring Rolls, along with other wonderful kitchen treats prepared by our very own Joan Mason.

Winners & Grinners

The day's Googly Ball went to Larry King while Lisa Whitney, although not a player this day, took out the Dummy Spit award. Ball winners were Pete Harrison x2, Ken Gordon x2, Len Ivey x2, Larry King, Tim Barter and Paul Griffin. Our Junior awards went to Rachel Schroder with Madison and Alex Gordon equal in 2nd place. The 9 hole winners were Ken Gordon 39/33, Larry King 47/34 and Rob Gorham 45/35.

The winner of the 18 hole event, and the new holder of the Mason Spring Trophy, was Tim Barter, with a wonderful 78/64. The handicapper has noted this big win and probably should have taken a swab as Tim struggled through the day with a bad case of flu. Second was Len Ivey with a 82/68, and third Charles Guscott with 94/72.

August Competition Results

The August "Tradies Day" competition was played using the stroke scoring system with all competitors rugging up due to the cool and windy conditions. Our sponsors were those regular "Tradies" Don, Hank and Trent, who put on a warm and hearty spread for all and sundry.


A relatively small field of intrepid golfers set out at 12:30 with Cr Pete Harrison playing yet another game of golf on our challenging 18 hole course. The Googly ball award went to Larry King while the dummy spit trophy was taken out by Tim Barter.

Winners & Grinners

The 18 hole event was won by our youngest player on the day Jack Whitney with a excellent 85/66. Word has travelled fast that the handicapper will look at this win with interest. Second was Tim Barter on 80/67 with Paul Hogarth on 82/68.

The 9 hole event saw Lofty Mason take out the prize with his good wife Joan second. An out of form Larry King apparently submitted his card at the end of the day, then disappeared, before returning to the evenings presentation event—some say he was off practising.

Nearest the pin and long drive winners were Joan Mason x2, Paul Hogarth x2, Jack Whitney x2, Lofty Mason and John Whitney.

July Competition Results


This month's event, The GST Anniversary Handicap, was sponsored by Keith France and Parkhill Financial Group with Kathy and Keith looking after the eats. Our Wamboin golfers were out in force for the annual GST anniversary competition, an Ambrose teams event with a 10% GST complication factor in the handicapping. True to form for this event is the Googly Ball and Dummy Spit awards - thanks Tony and Charlie for your participation!

Winners & Grinners

Our ball winners this month were Dave Hubbard, Len Ivey x2, Joan Mason x2, Paul Griffin, Lofty Mason, Keith France, Charlie Montesin and Tim Barter.

The 9 hole winners were Ken and Alex Gordon with a score of 26.35, followed by Joan, Lofty and Pete Harrison with 30.85 then Deb and Madison Gordon on 39.05.

The 18 hole competition winners were Tim Barter and Len Ivey with a 60.3 followed by Paul Griffin and Dave Hubbard with a respectable 62.71.

June Competition Results


An event re-shuffle had L & L King sponsoring The Larry & Libby King Affair a little earlier than planned. Scrumptious eats by Libby were enjoyed by all at the end of the days play around a big fire in the community hall. Close to 15 players turned out to compete in a stroke event around our rain blessed course.

Winners & Grinners

The encouragement award went to Madison and Alex Gordon with the day's Junior Award going to Taylor Miners with a score of 54/26 - well done Taylor.

The 9 hole event was won by John Whitney, on count back, with a 38/32, second would have been Larry but ... so Steve Miners took out 2nd with a 41/32 with Joan and/or Lofty taking 3rd with a 45/32.

The 18 hole event was won by Tim Barter with a 79/65, second was Paul Griffin with 94/71 and Len Ivey taking 3rd with 87/73.

Nearest the pin and longest drive ball winners were Ken Gordon x2, Joan Mason x 2, Larry King, Tim Barter, Stephen Miners, Len Ivey and Lofty Mason.

This month's Googly Ball went to Paul Griffin and we all know who received the Dummy Spit award.

May Competition Results


This month's event, The Sailors' & Airmen's Trophy, was sponsored by Tim and Paul with the 'eats' provided by Dianne Griffin, helped along by Kyle and Paul.

Although not mentioned by our handicapper on the "Official Results for Publication Form", I gather the days event was Stableford. If not, the scores indicate that our dear little par 66 course was shot to pieces!

Winners & Grinners

Our ball winners included Deb and Ken Gordon, Joan and Lofty Mason, Rob Gorham, Keith France, Charles Guscott, Paul Griffin and Stephen Miners. Helen Locke was awarded the Googly Ball with Nev having the day's Dummy Spit. Junior winners were Taylor Miners and Alex Gordon with Madison and Rachel receiving the days encouragement award.

The 9 hole winner was Lofty Mason on 23, followed by Ken edging out his wife Deb, on a 16 count back. Both our sponsors, Tim (38) and Paul (33) were up in the placings for the 18 hole event but as is tradition … So the days 18 hole winners were Steve Miners on 37, Keith France on 34 and Rob Gorham on a respectable 30.

April Competition Results—Wamboin Mini Masters

Mini Masters

The Wamboin Mini Masters this year was a stroke event played over 12 holes on the beautiful undulating fairways at both the Masons and across the road at Shep's. Once back at the hall, an 80 metre pitching event took place for all the contestants. This consisted of 4 disciplines: the sloping plank, the car tyre, a sand box and finally the notorious tall tee.


The day was sponsored by the Wamboin Community Association represented by the president Jenny Richards with assistance from Anita. Also a special mention to those ever reliable "tradies", Hank and Don, for assistance on the pitching course.

An enthusiastic field of golfers turned out on a beautiful afternoon with the day's encouragement award going to Pete Harrison who, as we all know, needs little encouragement to partake.

Winners & Grinners

Young Jarrod Beckett earned the junior award this month with Ken Gordon and Rob Gorham taking out the prizes in the Mini Masters pitching event. The net winners on the day were Paul Griffin with a 57/49 followed closely by Jack Whitney with a 56/50 (no longer a junior as he appears taller than his dad). There were no real dummy spits on the day but it was noted in the official minutes that Len Ivey failed to finish, Charles Guscott played well below his capabilities and Larry King was not sighted until the sun had well and truly set!

The Mini Masters winners for 2013 were Tim Barter on 55, closely pipped by Ken Gordon also on 55 (on count back), with the Green Jacket going to John Whitney with a score or 53.

March Competition Results

This month's event was sponsored by Deb, Ken and Rob. Many thanks from all the players and visitors for the fine eats and kitchen dexterity. The days play revolved around the Ambrose event with people pairing up, or should I say ganging up, to eliminate their opponents.

Winners & Grinners

Our ball winners included Linda Ivey, Lofty Mason, Rob Gorham, Len Ivey, Tim Barter x2, Nev Schroder and Rachel Schroder x2.

Ned Kelley Trophy

The 9 hole winners were Nev and Rachel Schroder plus Keith France with a score of gross 33, net 25.66. In second place was the gathering of Joan and Lofty Mason, Linda Ivey and young Jason Beckett—who apparently held the team together. Their score was 38 gross, net 27.25.

The 18 hole winners, locally known as the gang of FORE, were Tim Barter, Rob Gorham, Paul Griffin and Len Ivey with a score of 63/53.5

The handicapper wasn't sure of the day's "dummy spit" award, but we could mention two things: Keith's eagle on Weepers Drive and eagles for individuals in an Ambrose event don't get much acclaim.

Last but not least is the infamous Ned Kelly Trophy, taken home by Kevin Rowe as his wife Barbara was taken by its beauty.

February Competition Results

Short & Sweet

The February event was conducted under ideal Wamboin summer conditions, with the usual gathering of accomplished golfers and their husbands. The days proceedings started at 12:30 from the community hall in Bingley Way and concluded with snacks, nibbles and riveting conversations.


An excellent field of golfers turned out with the day's stroke event being sponsored jointly by the Whitney and Schroder families of Wamboin. Our golfing visitors today were Ellen Smith, Mike Fileman, Kevin Rowe and Nick Ivey.

Winners & Grinners

The Junior event winner this month was Rachel Schroder who had a wonderful 60/23 for the nine holes. Encouragement awards went to Madison and Alex Gordon.

Nearest the pin and longest drive ball winners were Mike Fileman, Jack Whitney x2, Tim Barter, Ken Gordon x2, Rob Goram x2 and Nick Ivey x2.

The 9 hole event was won by Deb Gordon with a 49/29, second Paul Hogarth with a 41/34 followed by Helen Locke on 79/43.

he 18 hole event was won by Rob Gorham with a blistering 80/59 (handicapper should have fun with this), second was Tim barter 77/63 on count back from Jack Whitney with a 82/63.

January Competition Results


The first event for 2013 was the Hubbard/Wiyagiba Trading 10 hole, shotgun start, 3 stick stableford event. Considering the temperature on the day, a large contingent of golfers started out from the Community Hall. With play disrupted due to an afternoon bush fire in the area, most, but not all golfers finished the round. Thanks to all those volunteer fire fighters who keep our community safe.

Our junior stars this month were Zac Ward, Alex Gordon and Madison Gordon. NTP winners were Paul Griffin x2, Kyle Griffin, Dan Moonie, Jason Beckett, Scott Ward, Ken Gordon and Len Ivey.

The 3 stick, stableford winners were Deb Gordon 1st, Charles Guscott 2nd, Paul Griffin 3rd.


December Competition Results

The Christmas Cup, sponsored by Ted and Judith Evans, took place on Sunday 2nd December, the weather being fine to warm with a light breeze blowing in from the Brindabella’s. After a warm November and some late showers the fairways were in pristine condition, perfectly manicured by expert tractor manipulators meant that low scores were the order of the day. Highlighted by Dave’s spectacular 44 (Dave played twice this year – once in January and again today) – leading to his new nick name “shingleback” – only comes out when the weather is hot. His round will attract the attention of the handicapper.

Fashions on the fairways – Len (under instruction) teamed his beige sock-savers with his light coloured tan shorts – while his wife set off her dark green sock-savers with a light coloured green golf shirt, highlighted by a beige wide brimmed hat – this attention to sartorial elegance obviously paid dividends as the Ivey family featured very highly in the prizes.

Todays first time players were Liam Brew and Paul Hogarth, welcome gents.

Winners & Grinners:

Ball winners this Sunday were Dave Hubbard x3, Ken Gordon, Joan Mason, Paul Hogarth, Taylor Miners and Keith France x3.

Logan Beckett took out the Juniors while the 9 hole event went to Linda Ivey with 21 points, followed by Ken Gordon on 17 then Joan Mason on 15 points. The 18 hole event was cleaned up by Dave Hubbard with 44 points, followed by Len Ivey 39 and Keith France 39 ocb.

November Competition Results
27th Wamboin Open

On a rather warm and sunny Sunday afternoon a field of twenty plus golfers gathered at the Wamboin Rural Golf Course to contest the 27th Wamboin Golf Open. As is tradition, a stoke event is played over this rugged and challenging terrain with competitors choosing to play either the 9 or 18 hole course. At the end of the day, another tradition took place - the gathering of players and spectators to witness the trophy presentations and partake in plentiful eats and refreshments. Today's visitor trophy went to Casey Ivey who shared a round with her not so famous golfing dad, Len.

Winners & Grinners:

Long drive and nearest the pin winners were Joan Mason, Ken Gordon x2, Neville Schroder, Rob Gorham x2, Dan Monie and John Whitney.

Club Champions for their net score were: 9 holes Deb Gordon first, Jason Beckett second and Peter Greenwood third. 18 hole Club Champions for 2012 were Len Ivey first, John Whitney second and Tim Barter third. Eclectic Champions being Nev Schroder for the 18 holes and Ken Gordon for the 9 competition. Junior Encouragement Awards went to Maddy, Phoebe, Alex, Jarrod and Logan - well done kids.

Open Champions

The 2012 Junior Champion is Rachel Schroder
The 2012 Ladies Open Champion (9 holes) is Joan Mason
The 2012 Wamboin Men's Open Champion is Dan Monie.

October Competition Results

This month's event was sponsored by Libby and Larry King. The golfing fraternity know them as L & L King, but they should not be confused with L and L King. Thank you Libby for all the work in the kitchen and the wonderful spread at the end of the day. Larry, your score may get a mention later in this report.

Along with beautiful weather we had a good turnout of local golfers with newcomer Helen Locke participating in our 9 hole competition – welcome Helen. Although not sanctioned, the two hole competition saw Lisa and Trish hit a few balls close to the 19th hole before settling into the Ladies' Lounge and enjoying festivities at day's end.

Winners & Grinners:

Our Junior winners this month were Alex Gordon, closely followed by his sister Madison. Ball winners were Paul Griffin x4, Len Ivey x3, Joan Mason and John Whitney.

The 9 hole competition was won by Peter Greenwood on 32 (records suggest this may be his first win), second Ken Gordon on 36 and Joan Mason third with 37. Larry King's 35, as sponsor, proved fruitless. The 18 hole comp was taken out by Len Ivey with a spectacular 66 closely followed by his playing partner Paul Griffin on 67 and John Whitney taking third prize with 72.

September Competition Results

Traditionally the first game of spring is the Mason Spring Trophy, and for that very reason we all gathered on a beautiful sunny afternoon to partake in Lofty's three stick event over both 9 and 18 holes on the wonderful Wamboin course. No Spring Trophy event would be complete without those mouth watering home made Spring Rolls, along with other wonderful kitchen treats prepared by our very own Joan Mason - thanks again Joan.

Winners & Grinners:

The 18 hole event and the new holder of the Mason Spring Trophy, sweeping all aside with a staggering 78/60, was Keith France. The handicapper has noted this big win and will probably take a good 11% off his handicap. Second was Tim Barter with 81/67 and third was Charles Guscott on 87/67, both on count back.

The 9 hole winners were Ken Gordon 38/33, Deb Gordon 53/32 and John Whitney with 38/32 ocb. Congratulations to Alex Gordon for winning the Juniors with fine rounds of golf by Rachel Schroder and Madison Gordon. I believe we have now mentioned the entire Gordon family... Well done.

Ball winners for nearest-to-the-pin and long drive were Nev Schroder x3, Larry King x3, Paul Griffin x2 and Rob Gorham.

August Competition Results

The August "Tradies Day" competition was played using the stableford scoring system with all competitors rugging up due to the cool and, at times, windy conditions. Our sponsors were those regular "tradies" Trent, Don and Hank - who always put on a great spread and hearty soup for these cooler days.

Approximately 15 regular golfers set out at 12:30 with todays visitor, but long time Wamboin resident, Scott Ward, taking on our challenging 18 hole course for the first time.

Winners & Grinners:

The 18 hole event was won by Neville Schroder with a massive 42 points, 2nd was Paul Griffin with 40, and third was our visitor (who now has the attention of the handicapper) Scott Ward with 39 points.

This month's junior award went to Rachel Schroder with 19 points, the 9 hole event was taken out by Lofty mason with 22 points followed by Larry King on 16.

Nearest the pin and long drive winners were Scott Ward (3) Lofty Mason, Nev Schroder, Paul Griffin, John Whitney and Larry King.

July Competition Results

There has been a failure to communicate the results of the July competition... We are looking into this problem.

June Competition Results

This month's event was sponsored, as usual, by Lambert Vineyards, with the eats, nibbles and kitchen duties overseen by Steve. Stroke-play was the order of the day and our visitors were Jenny Warren and Peter Reid.

Ted Evans, who decided not to don the plus fours this month, enthralled the gathering with a Googly Ball story about a well known local male identity and his dilemma with putting.

Winners & Grinners:

The 9 hole event was taken out by Larry King, well known local male identity, with a score of 43/30, second would have been Steve Lambert, but we all know the rules about sponsors, so Peter Greenwood took those honours with a 45/34, Lofty Mason coming in third with 53/39.

The 18 holers, although small in number, pushed each other until the very end. Winner, with a 84/59 was Paul (Comrade) Griffin, second Tim Barter on 79/66 and third Matt O'Brien with 104/73. Ball winners on the day were Tim x4, Paul and Matt x2 with Peter G and Rob G taking home just one each.

Two members received the credited NAGA awards this month, namely Rob Gorham and Ron Shepherd.

May Competition Results

An enthusiastic group of locals ventured onto the course for the May stroke event. The weather stayed fine and as the sun set and the golfers returned to the Community Hall all were relieved that the fire was well alight.

The day was sponsored by Paul Griffin and Time Barter with Dianna being responsible for the endless wonderful eats and treats.

Winners & Grinners:

Young Alex Gordon won the Encouragement award along with the junior title scoring a 75/35. The 9 hole event was taken out by Rachel Schroder with a gob smacking 64/24, her dad Neville 2nd with a 39/32 and tied for third was Deb Gordon and Larry King with a net 34. It should also be noted that Rachel's par on the hole "Hall NTP" would have given her a stableford 7 for that hole - needless to say Rachel also took home the infamous Ned Kelly Trophy.

The 18 hole event would have seen Paul Griffin way out in the lead with a 91/66 but sponsors rarely take home prizes. This left the door open for Rob Gorham and John Whitney to take home trophies with 92/73 and 83/71 respectively. Ball winners were Rob 1, Larry 1, Lofty 2, Paul 2, and John 4.

April Competition Results

The Wamboin Mini Masters has just celebrated its 10th anniversary and as is tradition, the event is played over 12 holes on the regular course, followed by an 80 metre pitching event back at the hall. It is then up to our starter, handicapper, judge and MC on the day, notably Lofty Mason, to formally present the Mini Masters Green Jacket to the event winner.

The day was sponsored by the Wamboin Community Association with assistance on the pitching course from those ever reliable "Tradies", Hank and Don.

An enthusiastic field of golfers turned out with the days visitors, Janelle and Murray Goodridge, travelling all the way from Bywong.

Winners & Grinners:

Young Jarrod Beckett earned the junior encouragement award this month with Janelle Goodridge and Keith Wrench showing the way in the pitching competition. The handicap event was taken out by Larry King with a score of 41.7 with Charles Guscott, our perpetual visitor, on 43.7.

The Junior Master for 2012 on a score of 59 was Jack Whitney, Masters runner-up was John Whitney on 51 but the days accolades and the 2012 Mini Masters and treasured Green Jacket went to Tim Barter with a score or 50.

March Competition

Due to inclement weather conditions, the March competition was conducted exclusively on the 19th Hole, and a good time was had by all.

February Competition Results

The February event was conducted under wonderful Wamboin blue skies, warm conditions, with the usual gathering of accomplished golfers and their husbands. The days proceedings started at 12:30 from the community hall in Bingley Way and concluded with snacks, nibbles and riveting conversation at the said address.

An excellent field of 24 golfers turned out with the days stroke event being sponsored by the Whitney's of Wamboin.

Our golfing visitors on the day were Trisha Ziebell, Cody Love and Tony (Wagonga) Smith.

Cody & Jack

Our handicapper will certainly welcome him back (under review of course) but visitor Cody Love took out this months encouragement award - well done Cody. The Googly Ball winner was Lofty Mason, but for some reason we are not privy to why - email or phone Lofty for enlightenment. The Dummy Spit award passed frequently between members during proceedings, so we should not mention names ... but you all know who you are!


The Junior event winner this month was Logan Beckett, with Rachael Schroder only one point behind. Prizes also went to Jarrod, Maddison and Alex.

Nearest the pin and longest drive ball winners: Cody Love (x3), Len Ivey (x2), Tony Smith (x2), Matt O'Brien, Jason Beckett and Nev Schroder. The 9 hole event was won by Peter Greenwood (definately his first win in many years) with a 42/30, on count back from Deb Gordon with 51/30 and third was Joan Mason with a 44/32. The 18 hole event could easily have been won by one of the sponsors with a breathtaking 76/62 but, as is tradition, declined the award.

Len Ivey took out first with a 82/67, second was Matt O'Brien with 98/68 and third place was awarded to Tim Barter with a 82/70.

January Competition Results


Due to recurring hot conditions for January golf in Wamboin, this year the competition was restricted to a 10 hole stableford event, starting at 2:30pm to take advantage of the cooler part of the day. As is customary for the Wyagiba Trading day, it was a three stick event with a shotgun start.

Seventeen players contested the event. Not to be outdone by the players hitting the tee-block with their drives in December, Peter Greenwood won the googly ball for a startling ricochet off the front of the tee on Ron's Dam Hole.

The day was won by Shannon Mould. Second was Lofty Mason, followed by Matt O'Brien, Neville Schroder. Stephen Miners, Jason Beckett and Dave Hubbard. The Junior event was won by Rachel Schroder.

The Ball winners were Ian Picker, Joan Mason(2), Nev Schroder(3), Keith France, Jason Beckett, Tim Barter.


December Competition Results

The Christmas Cup, proudly sponsored by Ted and Judith Evans this time each year, was held on Sunday 4th December with another good attendance in ideal golfing conditions. This months visitors to our monthly challenge were Brendon Booker and Kevin Hanley.


The Googly Ball was contested by at least three golfers, but it appears that Nev Schroder’s backward shot on the par 3 “Short & Sweet” won the day.

The young guns, namely Logan Beckett, Rachel Schroder and Alex Gordon received Encouragement awards with the Special Encouragement awarded going to Jarrod Beckett who, not only played his first game on this wonderful course, returned a very respectable score – well done Jarrod.


The 9 Hole Event: 1st Lofty Mason with 46/31, then Jason Beckett 45/32 and Peter Greenwood 45/33 (record books may have to be checked, could this be one of his many “first” awards)?

The 18 Hole Event: 1st Matt O’Brien with 94/63, followed by Nev Schroder 77/64 and Paul Griffin on 90/65.

The Longest Drive and Nearest the Pin awards went to Ken Gordon (2), Tim Barter, Jason Beckett (2), Joan Mason and Nev Schroder.

November Competition Results


The 26th Wamboin Golf Open was held on Sunday 6 November in warm pleasant conditions.

The capstone golf event of the Wamboin Golf calendar was well supported with approximately 30 players striving for their place in history. To the eventual winners; a sense of triumph as their names are immortalised on the Honour Board proudly displayed above the refrigerator in the Wamboin Community Hall. Such is the competitive nature of the Open that some members have been vying for 20 years to achieve this accomplishment.

The historic significance and deep tradition of the Open is an attraction for sponsors and the Wamboin Golf Executive would like to extend their thanks for the donation of numerous prizes from the sponsors. Unfortunately their names escape me for the moment.


The Googly Ball was not ‘formally’ awarded; however, Peter Greenwood stepped up for a nomination. New player, Linda Ivey voiced her opinion that she had won a nearest to the pin because she was the 1st name on the marker. Peter said she was ‘knocked off’ by two blokes after that and the prize is to be awarded to the last bloke in the chain! Umm that comment could have been structured with a little more finesse.

A very well done to Deb Gordon, she filled in at a moments notice during the presentations. Her spontaneous entertainment ably supported by the photogenic Larry King was hilarious; unfortunately the photos taken in dexterous poses and positions are not for publication in this medium.

A special tribute to Ben Hubbard for completing the round in shoes rather than his customary thongs. It appears this future Financial Advisor’s long term saving strategy is paying dividends; he can now afford shoes and even laces!

The Dummy Spit; usually and deservedly awarded to Peter Greenwood was won during a late repechage by ☺. Whilst holding a minor prize in his hands was heard bleating; “I didn’t win a decent bloody thing this month’.Joan Peter still receives 2nd prize in the dummy spit because he normally wins 1st prize every time he opens his mouth. He is closely followed by Rob Gorham with 3rd prize. Though Rob didn’t play and was not in attendance for the open, he is known to be always thinking dummy spit thoughts!


Finally, and after 20 long years Tim Barter is crowned the Men’s Wamboin Open Champion for 2011, he won with a score 75. The Ladies 9 Hole Open Champion is Joan Mason with a score of 40.

Minor Winners include:

The 18 Hole Champion: 1st Len Ivey with 78/61, 2nd Matt O’Brien with 95/63 and 3rd Nev Schroder with 78/65.

The 9 Hole Champion: 1st Ken Gordon with 34/29, 2nd Deb Gordon with 53/30 and 3rd Linda Ivey with 66/30.

The Junior Champion for 2011 is Jack Whitney with 85/66.

The Eclectic Champion for 2011 and for the last 4 years is Tim Barter with 61/55 with Nev Schroder 2nd with 62/56.

The Longest Drive and Nearest the Pin awards went to Jack Whitney, Larry King, Ben Hubbard x 3, Len Ivey, Nev Schroder and Steve Miners.

The junior Encouragement awards went to Taylor Miners, Alex Gordon and Madison Gordon.

Happy Wamboin golfing

October Competition Results

October celebrated 25 years of Wamboin rural golf and this month's event was sponsored by Larry and Libby King of L & L King fame, not to be confused with L & L King. The rain stayed away and a field of enthusiastic golfers competed in a stroke event over 9 or 18 holes. This months visitors to the course were Colin Brammal and Ryans Road's very own Ed Auzins. It was also refreshing to see Ruth and Steve Lambert placing their international rugby rampage on hold for an afternoon of rural golf.

Ed Auzins

Beside another warm fire and our newly renovated kitchen the traditional Googly Ball and Dummy Spit awards were presented. We're not sure if Ed Auzins received the Googly Ball by driving a ball into a tree 3 metres from the tee, having it come back past his playing partners not much slower than the last shuttle re-entry or winning with a 20 metre drive on Twin Gums. A second Googly Ball was awarded to Tim Barter for claiming a birdie when his drive was clearly seen on a driveway many miles from the tee. John W was awarded this months dummy spit but all agreed he was unduly provoked by the handicapper earlier in the day.


Nearest the pin and longest drive ball winners: Joan Mason, Colin Brammal, Ed Auzins, Ron Shepherd, Tim Barter, Nev Schroder, Jack Whitney, John Whitney x2.

The 9 hole event was looking good for Larry with a 43/30 but tradition prevailed and Joan Mason won the day with a 45/32, well done Joan. Second was Lofty Mason with 48/33 with Steve Lambert taking third with 51/38.

The 18 hole event this month went to Nev Schroder with 76/63, then John Whitney on 80/69 with Comrade Paul Griffin 96/72 OCB.

Next month, November, is the annual Wamboin Open. This year the LADIES OPEN with be played over 9 HOLES. So all you ladies and lassies in the district, why not join us for a very sociable and enjoyable afternoon. Tee off is 12:30 on November 6th from the Wamboin Community Hall.

September Competition Results

Lofty and Joan Mason, pioneer settlers of Wamboin and foundation members of the popular Wamboin Golf Club, hosted the 25th Spring Trophy. The stableford or stapleford event (according to Lofty) was played in fresh conditions on Sunday 4 September.

The competition was well supported with approximately 30 players vying for an assortment of prizes. Joan, ably assisted by the Ladies Lounge fraternity, prepared sumptuous snacks in the revamped kitchen of the Wamboin Community Hall. The Sunday roast dinner was shelved for another week!


The Googly Ball was awarded to Ron Sheppard for the collateral damage caused to golf tee retaining wall as a result of a ‘fresh air golf swing’.

There was a special mention for Lee Guscott playing her first game; huge celebrations erupted when she hit a ball over the dam rather than in it!

Legendary Wamboin golf willboury Ian Picker, who attends annually to ensure he qualifies for new player status, received his annual encouragement award. The MC, often going under the pseudonym of Peter Greenwood, presented Ian with a ‘driving range’ voucher of 75 balls.

Much to Peter’s delight, donations had increased this award from the original voucher of 25 balls. With mathematical dexterity Peter explained this prize had tripled in value. It was ground breaking science and the golf community were in awe of this new Einstein.

The Dummy Spit was not awarded; however, by default it was shared by Peter Greenwood and Rob Gorham – habitual offenders.

Joan Mason & Steve Minors

John Whitney who played in the 9 hole competition won the longest drive on a hole he did not officially play. He furtively accepted his ball and did his best to remain anonymous for the remainder of the presentations.

Other nearest to the pin and longest drive ball winners: Lofty Mason x 2, Joan Mason, Peter Greenwood, Ken Gordon x 2, Larry King and Wamboin golf debutant Shannon Mould.

The 9 hole event was won on count back by Larry King, with Ken Gordon 2nd and Len Ivey 3rd all players on 17 points.

The 18 hole event was won by Steve Minors with 32 points, Tim Barter 2nd with 38 points and Paul Griffin 3rd on 32 points.

August Competition Results

The August "Tradies Day" event proceeded under blue skies, after some welcome rain, on Sunday 7th August. A large field of 24 golfers turned out with this months competition being a stroke event. Many thanks to Don, Hank and Trent, not only for the tasty spread, but for utilising a little electrical wizardry to keep the food flowing in the absence of a functioning kitchen.

Ladies' Lounge

Beside a warm welcoming fire, the "Lounge" was alive with Ladies of all ages enjoying the sparkling company, flowers and complementary ground cocoa seeds pressed into delicious blocks. It's no wonder that with all this gayety and frivolity in the air, our MC (of some age now) failed to present the traditional Dummy Spit and Googly Ball awards. The club also welcomed Mr Geoff Barter as visitor to all these proceedings.


This months encouragement award went to Linda Ivey, which all agree, rates far more highly than her husband's standing in the 18 hole event.

The Junior event winner this month is Taylor Miners - well done Taylor.

Jack & Paul

Nearest the pin and longest drive ball winners: Joan Mason, Jack Whitney (2), Paul Griffin, Ken Gordon (2), Tim Barter, Nev Schroder and Keith France.

The 9 hole event was won by Deb Gordon with a net score of 28 from Larry Trim King and Ron Shepherd on 29.

The 18 hole event was won by Matt O'Brien with a 96/59, second was Jack Whitney with 84/63 then Len Ivey with a 82/65.

July Competition Results

PARKHILL Financial Group, represented by Keith France, proudly sponsored the 11th anniversary of the GST golf competition on Sunday 3 July.

The competition was a modified two per team Ambrose event with handicaps combined then manipulated with accounting finesse and a further 10% added for complexity and confusion.


The Googly Ball was awarded to John Whitney for wearing his bogan shirt.

The Dummy Spit was won again by Peter Greenwood - An habitual offender who wins this more often than most.


Nearest the pin and longest drive ball winners: Joan Mason x 2, Paul Griffin, Charles Guscott, Stephen Miners, Tim Barter, Jack Whitney, Peter Greenwood, Matt O’Brien and Rob Gorham.

The 9 hole event was won by Joan and Lofty Mason with a score of 32.575 from Steve Miners and Ron Shepherd with a score of 31.575.

The 18 hole event was won by Len Ivey and Charles Guscott with a score of 57.375 from Matt O’Brien and Tim Barter with a score of 63.525.

June Competition Results

The Wamboin Golf Club competition on June 5th was a modified handicap Ambrose event sponsored by Steve and Ruth Lambert from Lambert Vineyards with a great selection of wines on offer as prizes.

The 9 hole competition was won by the team of Ken and Alex Gordon with the team of Rob Gorham, Lofty and Joan Mason coming in second.

The 18 hole competition was keenly fought with prizes going all the way to fourth. Winners were Jason and Logan Beckett with John and Jack Whitney, with a team score of 41.7. Second were Steve Lambert, Phil Kuczma and Larry King with 44.4. Third team were Nev and Rachel Schroder and Keith France with a score of 45 and fourth were Charles Guscott, Tim Barter and Paul Griffin with a score of 48.7. Looks a bit as though the juniors with their generous handicaps helped their Dads bring home the trophies in this family oriented golf club.

Congratulations to all the winners, but every player was a winner and went home with a prize.

May Competition Results

There were keen 9 hole and 18 hole Stableford competitions in the monthly Wamboin golf club games sponsored by Paul Griffin and Tim Barter.

The Encouragement award this month went to young Alex Gordon and the Junior competition was won by Logan Beckett.

Long drive and nearest the pin winners were Paul Griffin, Tim Barter, Nev Schroder x2, Jack Whitney x2, Tony Harrison x2 and Ken Gordon.

The 9 hole competition was won by Ken Gordon with 25 points from Joan Mason 20 points and Lofty Mason 18 points.

The 18 hole competition was won by Nev Schroder 40 points, second was Matt O'Brien 37 points on count back from Len Ivey also 37 points.


2010 Wamboin Open Golf Championship Results

Wamboin Open

The 24th Annual Wamboin Open Golf Championships were held on 7th November on the Wamboin Country Golf Course.

There were plenty of players for both the 18 and 9 hole competitions with great prizes to be won. We also had many juniors playing with Dad (and Mum). No player went home without a prize.

Encouragement award went to Logan Beckett with runner-up prizes to Alex, Madison, Jarrod, Phoebe and Taylor.

Nearest the pin awards went to; Jack Whitney, John Whitney, Phil Kuczma x2, Tim Barter x2, Nev Schroder x2, Larry King and Rachel Schroder.

2010 Junior Champion is Jack Whitney. 2010 Eclectic winner was Tim Barter.

Winners are Grinners

Club Champions (Net event) for 2010

9 Hole Champion is Peter Greenwood 39/30
    from Lofty Mason 46/33 and Ken Gordon 40/34.
18 Hole B Grade Champion is Larry King 95/66
    from Paul Griffin 100/76 and Peter Lacy 108/83.
18 Hole A Grade Champion is Tim Barter 80/64
    from Len Ivey 82/66 and Nev Schroder 82/69.
The 2010 Ladies Open (Junior Champion) is Rachel Schroder and
The 2010 Wamboin Men's Open Champion is John Whitney with a 79.

The Open was sponsored by the Wamboin Golf Club, part of the Wamboin Community Association.

October Competition Results

The weather was not great, it was a long weekend and school holidays, but still the golfers came out, the golf was played and the trophies, donated by Larry and Libby King, were well worth dodging the rain. We thank Larry and Libby for their long time sponsorship of the October competition.

Nearest the pin and long drive winners were; Larry King x3, Joan Mason, Paul Griffin and Peter Greenwood x2. The 9 hole event was won by Joan Mason with a net 30, Peter Greenwood second with net 40 and Lofty Mason third with net 42. The 18 hole competition was won by Paul Griffin with a net 60 from Jack Whitney net 66 and Larry King net 69 who generously donated his trophy to next place getter, Matt O'Brien.

February Competition Results

Golf in Wamboin for February was a stroke competition sponsored by the keen golfing family of John and Lisa Whitney. Young Rachel Schroder put in a good round to claim the Encouragement trophy this month.

Ball winners for long drives and nearest the pins were; Jack Whitney, Len Ivey, Nev Schroder x3, Paul Griffin, Joan Mason and Larry King. The 9 hole competition was won by Jack Whitney 44/29 from Peter Greenwood 38/30 and Ken Gordon 39/33. The 18 hole competition was won by Tim Barter 80/63 from Nev Schroder 79/65 and Paul Griffin 91/66.

Paul Griffin looks on as Len Ivey chips onto the 18th 'green'

New Year Competition

The New Year competition attracted a good number of players willing to walk around in the heat. The game was sponsored by long time supporters Dave and Jane Hubbard from Wiyagiba Trading in Wamboin. The event was a 3 club stableford game.

We welcomed Jason Beckett and his young son Logan for his first serious golf game which earned him the Encouragement Award.

Ball winners for nearest the pins and long drives were; Jack Whitney x2, Tim Barter x2, John Whitney x2, Tony Fisher, Joan Mason and Rob Graham. The winner of the 9 hole competition was Dave Hubbard, but being the sponsor, passed his trophy down the line to Farrah Urban on count back from Peter Greenwood. Third spot went to Lofty Mason with Joan Mason keeping it in the family coming in 4th.

The 18 hole competition was won by Tim Barter from John Whitney, Jack Whitney and Keith France.


Christmas Cup

The Christmas competition was held in fairly warm weather on 6th December. Numbers were down probably due to the festive season but that meant that the prizes spread further. We thank Ted and Judith Evans for their continued sponsorship of the December competition with the usual array of Christmas hampers.

Young Taylor Miners received the Encouragement award of Christmas goodies and an indoor practice golf ball.

Long Drive and nearest the pin winners were; Paul Griffin, Tim Barter x2, Steve Miners x2 and Joan Mason with 3 golf balls.

Nine hole competition was won by Steve Miners 39/31 on count back from Joan Mason 44/31 with Peter Greenwood and Rob Gorham winning the minor prizes.

Eighteen hole competition was won by Tim Barter 84/67 with Paul Griffin in second position.

24th Wamboin Open Golf Championship

The 24th Wamboin Open Golf Championship was played and won on the Wamboin R & A (Rural and Agricultural) golf course on 1st November.

The 2009 Open Champion is Len Ivey, a one stroke winner from Nev Schroder and the ladies 2009 Champion is Lisa Whitney.

The A Grade Club Champion is Nev Schroder 78/64 with second place to Tim Barter 82/65. The B Grade Club Champion is Tom Argaet 86/60 with Paul Griffin 86/61 coming in 2nd. The 2009 Nine Hole Champion is Rob Gorham with a Ned Kelly score of 38/28 with Peter Greenwood in 2nd place. The 2009 Eclectic was won by Tim Barter.

Junior Champion is Jack Whitney and the Encouragement Award went to Rachel Schroder.

Long drive and nearest the pin winners were Ken Gordon, Tom Argaet x3, Len Ivey, John Whitney x2, Jack Whitney x2 and Dave Hubbard.

Our only visitor for the day, Peter Lucy,  went home a happy man with a stubby cooler and the experience of playing in the Wamboin Open.

It was great to see Charles Guscott return to Wamboin for the game after having moved to Adelaide 12 months ago.